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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel at the end?

62 replies

FeckedOffWithWork · 30/06/2011 18:58

I'm not going to do something stupid, so don't worry but i'm sooo fed up. I've had about as much as I can take.

I'm having problems at work. In so many words I get bullied and 6 out of 7 of my colleagues are lazy and I end up taking the biggest workload because if I didn't then it wouldn't get done. I can't talk to my manager because she's one of the lazy ones. Also, they do an awful lot of bitching about me and about other people. I hate it so much I feel physically sick come Sunday night just thinking about another week in that place. It's also a 2 hour commute each way and i'm tired of that too.

My homelife is getting me down too. I never have any money. My ex is being a twat and I just seem to be very short with the kids. I asked DS2 this morning to come and give me a cuddle and he replied 'ok, but don't get mad with me and shout at me mummy' :(

Now to top it all off i've been given 15 hours overtime next week at work because someone is ill and one is on holiday. No asking me if it's ok, just slapped right there and expected of me so next week instead of my 30 hour week it'll be 45 hours. Fuck knows where i'll get the childcare from for the extra hours. Knob heads Angry

Alsoooo, I am looking at other jobs because i'm so unhappy in this and I got offered an interview next week for my dream job, very close to home and good pay, good hours for childcare and I asked manager for either the day off or to start on a later shift that day weeks ago before the rota was done. She said she'll try her best. Rota just came back and i'm working all day on the interview day. I questioned manager about it and she said it was a bad week for being a princess and asking for certain days off and certain shifts so i'm stuck with not being able to go to my i'view. I tried to rearrange i'view but because head office are travelling from London to do them, they're only available that day. I am so pissed off right now :(
Just wanted to rant, it's ok if no one replies, it just feels good getting it out of my system!

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 30/06/2011 19:43

I'd take the day before off sick as well as interview day. Spend the day before relaxing, getting your head ready for interview as well as pampering yourself a bit. You sound really stressed and fed up :( hope the interview goes well :)

Original poster
FeckedOffWithWork · 30/06/2011 19:45

Thanks all. I am so overwhelmed by everyones kind words. I've never felt so down in my life and it is all due to work and the terrible relationship I have with my immediate colleagues. I live in constant fear while there that they're going to say something nasty to my face, behind my back or even land me in the shit as they have done before. I used to love my job before the nastiness began, but now I dread it. It's a customer based job and every time the phone rings or the door opens I feel myself in my head saying 'fuck off and leave me alone' to the poor customer who hasn't usually done a thing wrong.

OP posts:
PhyllisDiller · 30/06/2011 19:55

Bloody good for you for getting an interview when you are feeling so rubbish in your current job, that is a big achievement (in my book anyway).

Even if you pull a sicky there is not much that they can do, they don?t sound very organised anyway. Just whatever you do (obviously) don?t breathe a word to the new company that you bunked off.

If you completely and utterly wanted to know the legal information about time off for interviews these people would be able to tell you, I suppose there might be notice required etc.

Just imagine how life changing it would be to get the job!

Good luck for the interview!!!

Al0uiseG · 30/06/2011 19:55

Definitely go for the 48 hour vomiting and diarrhoea bug - it's everywhere :o

Good luck at the interview :)

Original poster
FeckedOffWithWork · 30/06/2011 19:58

and the guilt I feel about being away from the kids for so long, especially at weekends, though they are with their dad who takes good care of them. Then, when I do get to spend time with them, the slightest thing and I tell them off and call them naughty. This morning, as an example, we were all playing in the older boys bedroom and my 2 year old kept up picking up the waste paper bin. It had loads of bits of paper from the hole puncher in and I had just vaccumed the room. I must've told him 5 times to put the bin down and come and play with the train set we were playing with. Well, he wouldn't listen and rather than me calmly putting the bin out of reach which is what usually i'd do, I just felt so helpless and angry and eventually he tipped the bin upside down and all the hole punched bits of paper came out. I was so angry with him that I frightened myself terribly. I got the bin off him and slammed it down on the floor and shouted at him. My poor boys were so taken aback. I had to leave the room to calm down. For the first time ever I could've smacked my little toddler who is my whole world, but I didn't. He keeps my heart beating and usually the smile on my face, as do all my boys, but for a while now it's gone :( I phoned the samaritans a bit later on when the kids were out playing and that helped a lot. Good to know they're just at the end of the phone and that mnet is just a click away. :)

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 30/06/2011 20:00

Good luck with the interview. I really hope you get it.

Sometimes when you are in a situation like you are in it's hard to see the wood for the trees. As someone said earlier, what's the worst they can do? They are already making your life pretty miserable.

You don't have to do overtime. Remember that you are in charge of your own life, they don't own you or have any special rights over your time and they honestly cannot compel you to do anything that you don't want to. They might even have a little more respect for you if you stopped trying to hold everything together and get all the work done and just said no every so often.

In your position, I would do literally what I was contracted to do and not a damn thing more. That would mean no overtime for a start. If they didn't ask you and you didn't agree, then you are under no obligation to do it.

PhyllisDiller · 30/06/2011 20:01

Have the day off before as sick too, sounds like it would do you good, time out and all that....AlOuise is right, the 48 hour bug is everywhere!

moogster1a · 30/06/2011 20:04

sorry, i was wrong. you're only entitled to time off for interviews if you're facing redundancy. Looks like the sickie is the best call!!

fedupofnamechanging · 30/06/2011 20:04

Sweetie, the important thing here is that you didn't hit your child. You know that this needs dealing with and you contacted someone who can help you.

Please don't let these awful people ruin your home life. They don't deserve that kind of power.

hairfullofsnakes · 30/06/2011 20:10

Please let us know how it goes!

ENormaSnob · 30/06/2011 20:11

I would be very inclined to see the gp about the stress you are under.

A sicknote for a few weeks may be beneficial.

So what if they struggle at work. They care not a jot for you.

Good luck for the interview.

Original poster
FeckedOffWithWork · 30/06/2011 20:13

Thanks Karma. I don't think I will ever hit any of them, but I was so close I had to really stop myself, but my slamming down the bin frightened them so much :(

OP posts:
jugglingwiththreeshoes · 30/06/2011 20:18

Stress makes most of us behave less well with our kids at times than we'd like to. Remember you love them and they're your number one priority.
Try to think about them more and about work less. Work can so easily wheedle it's way into your mind til it takes over way too much !

Original poster
FeckedOffWithWork · 30/06/2011 20:21

Getting the job would make everything so worthwhile I just can't miss it now. If I get it then i'll get weekends off and the first weekend after I get paid i'm going to take the DC for a day at the sea to celebrate the change in our life. That will be the moment of our new happy life with no shitty job. Just a nice job, nice colleagues, nice time to spend at home and there'll be little to worry about. I just hope luck is on my side. I'm starting to feel more positive.

OP posts:
youarekidding · 30/06/2011 20:25

Sorry your feeling so down.

I'm not surprised they don't want you attend the interview - they know if you leave they'll have to work.

Agree with week off - only thing I would consider is if the current employers have already sent a reference.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 30/06/2011 20:25

Perhaps decide now that you are going to get a new job closer to home. Hopefully this one, and why not ?
But there's definitely got to be better options now than what you're doing at present.
Perhaps you're a loyal person (it sounds so) and conscientious. But it's possible to be too loyal, and to the wrong people.
Be more loyal to your DC's and show them Mummy can get a new job !

fedupofnamechanging · 30/06/2011 20:32

Even if you don't get this job, please don't let it drag you back down. If you don't get this one, there will be others.

Try 'working to rule', so you get some emotional distance from work. Is it a job where the contacted hours are weekends or is that the overtime? If it's overtime then you need to not do it. Make sure you take all your holiday entitlement. Leave work on time, and when you are there don't bust a gut trying to finish tasks while your colleagues sit on their arses and let you. If you don't have time to finish, so what? The sky won't fall in. Just view this job as a means to an end - it pays the bills but isn't important in the great scheme of things.

They can't sack you for not doing everyone else's job as well as your own.

And if you truly feel that you cannot stand it for another minute, then see the GP and get signed off for as long as you need to. You owe them nothing. Don't waste a moment worrying about people who don't worry about you

zandy · 30/06/2011 20:35

Do you need a whole day off for interview? Maybe you could go to work before and after the interview, only leaving them for a few hours. Might be more palatable to yourself than taking several days off when they're pushed.

Fully understand your being unhappy. Wouldn't do them any harm to know you are looking for other work and the reasons why you are looking. Might make them buck their ideas up.

FriskyMare · 30/06/2011 20:44

Just wanted to wish you good luck. Thats all! Let us know how you get on.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 30/06/2011 20:45

I definitely wouldn't go in to work before the interview - you'd never get away - and you almost certainly will need time to prepare and travel.

plupervert · 30/06/2011 22:05

References these days are most often "without prejudice": they confirm the person's title and the dates s/he has worked there. I once had a temp job in which my first task was to draft references (having no HR qualification and for people I had never, ever met, nor ever would) based on their personnel files, for the HR director to sign.

If they give you a really bad, personal reference, you can do them. Hopefully, they are not quite lazy enough that they failed to learn that.

OP, who is above your lazy boss?

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/06/2011 22:09

zandy, OP has a 2-hour commute each way - not really feasible?

PelvicFloor0fSteel · 30/06/2011 22:22

Definitely take a sicky and go to the interview, you must have done really well to get an interview in the current climate, so you can't let this opportunity pass by.

Want2bSupermum · 30/06/2011 22:36

I agree with the others that you should have a 48hr tummy bug. You need the day off before your interview just to relax. Also, have you prepared for your interview? It is harder to come accross well when you have been ground down in your current job.

scampbeast · 30/06/2011 23:38

Join a union. I am in a similar situation at work and have been signed off by my DR. I have tried talking to work but got nowhere, they even suggested that DH take days off his work to watch our son so that I could do a shift. Quick call to the union and They want a propper meeting to go over all the things my work are doing wrong so that I can properly challenge them at our next meeting.
If you have a contract for x hours they can not make you do the overtime. I know it is hard to do when you care about your work but you have to turn round and say NO. You can't get childcare, the law is on your side.
I am looking for another job too and as my work know my son is having to see a Dr at the hospital for allergy tests I am going to use that as the excuse if I get an interview.