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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop taking oral contraception for selfish reasons?

33 replies

SnowinAfrica · 30/06/2011 11:28

My partner and I see each other probably three times a fortnight. Once mid week and every other weekend. I can't take combined pill because of migraines and because it made me put on loads of weight (and turned me into a psycho potential serial killer) and so we used condoms for ages. He hates them, I hate them. So I offered to try the progesterone only pill which I've now been using for around 3 months.
Well I'm rapidly putting on weight and although the sex is better (not that I have much of an appetite for it anyway) I'm really struggling with this pill.
The worst bit about it is that DP and I are both on diets and both trying to lose weight. Every few days he texts me all excited saying he's lost another lb. I'm furious because despite me being a bloody angel with my food, I'm at best staying the same weight, at worst actually putting weight ON. It's making me really resentful.
The thing is he REALLY struggles with condoms, the faffing etc makes him lose his erection sometimes, he can't climax very well with them either and the ONLY issue I have with this pill is the weight gain. No other negatives but the weight gain is a massive issue to me.
He'll be gutted if I stop taking it but is it really selfish of me to want to just so I can lose weight?

OP posts:
Original poster
SnowinAfrica · 30/06/2011 11:30

Should also add it makes me resentful that I'm having to take a stupid pill EVERYDAY for the sake of sex once a fortnight IYSWIM? The side-effects I'm having are for the benefit of one, maybe 2 romps a fornight. It hardly seems worth it.

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelinLimbo · 30/06/2011 11:31

Coil, implant???

The weight gain may be the only side effect but if it's getting to you then you need to look at other forms of contraception.

Original poster
SnowinAfrica · 30/06/2011 11:32

I can't have anything foreign put inside me, I have a fear of such things! (wuss, I know)

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 30/06/2011 11:32

YANBU. You are more than entitled to not want to put chemicals in your body if you don't want to. He'll have to get to grips with the condoms, most people manage. As long as you're both prepared for the possible consequences though Wink

Leverkusen · 30/06/2011 11:33

Oh god get off it. I was on progesterone only pill and I put on so much weight- 3 stone. Coulcn't lose any weight while on it, so I came off, joined WW and lost the extra weight.

There are other contraceptives that you could use, I have the copper coil and the only side effects are heavier periods which I can put up with.

microfight · 30/06/2011 11:33

YANBU
I think he should understand, are there any other options other than going back to condoms?

ChaoticAngelinLimbo · 30/06/2011 11:33

Is it possible for you to put the condom on him and try different types of condom to see if one type is better than another?

TattyDevine · 30/06/2011 11:33

I don't have a magic answer in terms of contraception (there are not that many non-hormonal methods) but YANBU and it doesn't seem terribly "selfish" to me, weight gain if that is what is causing it (and it sounds like it is) is a health issue and has a big impact on you. It would be selfish of him to want you to take it, to be honest, if you flip it.

Trying2Conceive · 30/06/2011 11:34

YANBU but it sounds like coming off the pill will not be a great solution for you either. You say the sex is not as good with condoms and for the few times you see each other, is it worth having less-than-fantastic sex? For you, pill=weight gain and condoms=less fun, so it would seem you need to explore other options.

SinicalSal · 30/06/2011 11:35

Hmmm. Well, the pill puts you off sex (immediate effect) and makes you gain weight (longterm effect)
Condoms put him off sex.

so on balance it's less of an imposition for him to wear condoms.

Femidom, cap any good to you?

aldiwhore · 30/06/2011 11:35

I was going to say get the coil, but ah, if you've a real phobia that could be an issue. Although you don't know its in when its in and its the only thing I've ever found that suits me (huzzah!).

YANBU to feel like you do, but given you both hate condoms, I guess its your only option unless you put up with condoms!

pod3030 · 30/06/2011 11:39

honestly the copper coil (non hormone)was the best decision i made in terms of contraception-copper is a natural element and isnt foreign to the body. i suffered for years on various pills, no sex drive, constant pmt . the relief ! i felt free!

Leverkusen · 30/06/2011 11:39

What about the femidom?
You could have the injection too, but that might cause you to gain weight.

childfreeatm · 30/06/2011 11:41

Tell you guys, this has been a revalation - I was wondering why I had no sex drive recently and it seems because of the pill :( I was going to suggest the injection but I have no idea about weight gain on that one.

I like you have the fear of putting the foreign things in.

childfreeatm · 30/06/2011 11:43

Oh, and YANBU!

Flisspaps · 30/06/2011 11:44

YANBU.

There are also concerns about the effect the injection can have on some women's moods/emotions.

I'd say he should learn to put a condom on quickly and without 'faffing' - the weight gain you have is a health risk, him not being able to 'climax very well' when wearing a condom is not.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 30/06/2011 11:46

Oh yes, the pill is a great contraceptive for more than one reason, the most effective being that mostly you'd rather clean the oven with a toothbrush than have sex while you're on it...at least that was my experience!

FairyLightsForever · 30/06/2011 11:47

If you know which days you're going to be seeing him, then the cap would work really well for you. It needs to be inserted so many hours before you have sex, but that wouldn't be a problem as you know in advance when you're going to have sex. It would make the sex itself more spontaneous, because you wouldn't have to stop to faff with condoms. It's no more invasive to use than a tampon.

dreamingbohemian · 30/06/2011 11:49

YANBU. I can't take hormonal contraception and it's really annoying how few non-hormonal options there are (I hate condoms too).

You could look into getting a diaphragm or cervical cap, apparently they do still exist but it might be an effort finding a doctor who can fit one, as they're not very much in use at all anymore (why is that?)

iskra · 30/06/2011 11:53

Diaphragm might work for you. Family planning clinics will fit them. I loved my coil.

tazmin · 30/06/2011 11:55

get the coil, i have had it for 20 years (not the same one obviously) and not had one single minute's worry with it

tyler80 · 30/06/2011 12:00

The rate of failure of the diaphragm is fairly high compared to other forms of contraception hence it not really being recommended much anymore.of the diaphragm is fairly high compared to other forms of contraception hence it not really being recommended much anymore.

eurochick · 30/06/2011 12:06

YANBU. I hate what any hormonal method of contraception does to me (I have tried the Pill and minipill before). I put on weight (am normally slim), have no sex drive and get very down (it starts with feeling down but once or twice has moved to proper depression).

We used condoms for years and then when we got to the point where it wouldn't have been a big deal if I got pregnant a combination of rhythm and withdrawal (no accidents, but that's not surprising as it is taking us ages to conceive now we are trying!).

dreamingbohemian · 30/06/2011 12:12

Tyler, I think the diaphragm + spermicidal gel, used correctly, has a similar failure rate to condoms. But, not as effective as coil.

OP it might be worth getting some counseling/hypnosis/whatever to deal with your fear of foreign objects, it does sound like the coil would be a good solution for you otherwise.

Insomnia11 · 30/06/2011 12:19

I know it's not for everyone but I've had the copper coil for a few months now and it's brilliant. Slightly heavier periods but having had tiny pill periods for 17 years it's hard to remember/compare. The doctor showed me how tiny they are after she inserted it. I don't know it's there.

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