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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that there is something odd with this situation?

66 replies

UncomfortableFeeling · 28/06/2011 20:31

Namechanging regular here.

I seem to have landed myself in a bit of a situation. Keeping things vague and non-specific, I hope I can explain myself adequately for advice.

I know a woman. We are both involved in a voluntary activity. I don't know her very well, but have met her around 6 times and have chatted for a few minutes during those times. She seems nice.

I didn't see her at our voluntary activity, but then bumped into her at a community event. She asked me to contact her with some details of the activity we do. She didn't have her phone, so asked me to text her partner's phone, which I did. Her Partner replied that he would pass on my details. I thanked him, and thought nothing more of it.

The next day, I got a friendly but slightly over-familiar text from, I thought, the lady. I had forgotten that it was actually the Partner's phone that I had sent my number to. I thought that perhaps she had mistakenly sent the text to me, as it sounded as though she was texting after seeing me the night before, IYSWIM. I didn't respond.

2 days later, I got a text directing me to a social media site, with !!!! after it. Again, I thought it was odd, and mistaken. I didn't respond.

The following day, I got quite a long text from the Partner, identifying himself, and saying that he didn't want me to think he was upset that the woman and I enjoy each other's company so much. He also let me know he is extremely 'laid back'. He told me he had heard lots about me, all good, and couldn't wait to meet me. Obviously, given that I have met the woman about 6 times, and only spoken for about 30 minutes total, I was confused. She is nice, but we haven't spent time together at any point socially. I was having a busy day, so didn't respond.

I then got a text checking if I got the message, to which I simply said 'sorry, didn't reply straight away. Do you have x's mobile no.?' He replied giving the number.

The next day I got a text from the Partner, again, suggesting that he and the woman would love to have me around to share a couple of bottles of wine, and did I like red or white? I didn't know quite what to do, so didn't do anything. I got a follow up text, saying 'Let x know when you are free'.

Today, I have had a message saying that x has told him I didn't get the message, and could I confirm he has the right number!

What do I do? I don't know the lady well. I have never met the guy, yet he is texting me relentlessly. The complication is that I share a small voluntary activity with her. In addition, her child and mine will both be starting at the same school in September, and could even be in the same class!

I wouldn't mind meeting her for coffee once or twice, get to know her, but this situation seems....odd. Why would a guy I've never met be texting me to arrange a social gathering? He hasn't made any mention of my Husband. Wouldn't it be more 'normal' for the lady to be texting me if she wanted a friendship? It all feels a bit wrong.

OP posts:
HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 28/06/2011 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BluddyMoFo · 28/06/2011 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rockerchic · 28/06/2011 20:59

They are swingers?

KirstyJC · 28/06/2011 21:00

I thought it sounded like he was trying to set up a threesome too! ALthough, it is hard to tell tone etc when texting so may be innocent?

When are you next due to meet the lady? Can you hold off doing anything until then ie don't reply to his texts or send him one. When you see her, ask her if she can think of why you're getting a lot of texts from him? Maybe don't show her the phone, in case he is playing away as it's not right for her to find out from you, but maybe along the lines of 'gosh your DH is very friendly isn't he? or something?

Although I might be tempted to just say 'what is he on about, texting me all the time - is he trying to set something up as I'm not interested' - but then I can be a bit blunt like that! Say it with a grin, shake of the head and roll of the eyes and you can probably still salvage a friendship with her...?

thisisyesterday · 28/06/2011 21:01

my initial thought is that she has mistaken you for someone else who she also does the activity with???
hence the over-familiarity etc... if she told him that you hadn't got one of his messages that could be because she has spoken to the person she thinks is you and they haven't got it (cos it has gone to you)

i did also wonder about him hitting on you, or some kind of swinging thing going on!!

QueenKate · 28/06/2011 21:01

How inappropriate!

I think I would talk to DH and then reply saying "We are quite busy, I will speak to your wife to make any arrangements". But that's because I feel oblige to be polite, and the school thing would be a concern for me.
However I completely understand ignoring him altogether. That m ay also be for the best.

earlyriser · 28/06/2011 21:02

Have you tried to 'you tube' her name? Might enlighten you further Grin

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 28/06/2011 21:04

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squeakytoy · 28/06/2011 21:04

not called Donald and Jacqueline are they? Grin

(hopes someone is a fan of Benidorm here)....

Salmotrutta · 28/06/2011 21:06

Is it Friday already????

PonceyMcPonce · 28/06/2011 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UncomfortableFeeling · 28/06/2011 21:09

I do hope I'm wrong Sad I have text the lady a bland informational text about something else, and we'll see what happens.

OP posts:
BoysRusxxx · 28/06/2011 21:14

That is insane!! He must have got you mixed up with someone else? Im dying to her her response to the text.

kaid100 · 28/06/2011 21:21

Maybe the reason he has mixed you up with someone else is because you have the same name as the person it was intended for?

ScarlettIsWalking · 28/06/2011 21:23

You have done what I would.

G1nger · 28/06/2011 21:27

"She asked me to contact her with some details of the activity we do." - so what is the activity that you do? Wink

(3-sum, definitely)

verytellytubby · 28/06/2011 21:29

You've probably got the same name as someone they swing with! Text back - wrong number.

Can you imagine how embarrassed they will be!

amIbeingdaft · 28/06/2011 21:30

Right, this is simple. You have the same name as someone they're trying to set up a threesome with. He thinks you are this person. That's the only explanation that makes sense.

In reply to the 'can you confirm i have the right number?' text, you need to reply 'Who do you think I am? We do seem to be getting our wires crossed! I'm Y, I volunteer with X'

This keeps things friendly and avoids embarrassment! If she is embarrassed when you see her next, act as if you're just confused, and suspect nothing. She might not know how bad the texts from him have been!

2cats2many · 28/06/2011 21:31

They definitely want to get jiggy with you.

TooImmature2BMum · 28/06/2011 21:35

I think swingers too! (Lives up to name) Can't think of any other explanation other than this man is a total creep.

Thingumy · 28/06/2011 21:37

Sounds like ex neighbours of mine,word of warning decline on the offer of wine Grin

IWannaGetFiscal · 28/06/2011 21:41

Sounds to me like the woman you volunteer with has told him that she likes you and wants you to join them for a 3 way!

JemimaBananaHammock · 28/06/2011 21:41

3-sum is the ONLY explanation!

amIBeingdaft's suggestion is great.

IWannaGetFiscal · 28/06/2011 21:42

Oh and she wants him to do the chasing/setting up so that she can feign innocence if you knock them back!

UncomfortableFeeling · 28/06/2011 21:56

Well, no reply so far.

I am not the swinging type, so they'll be very disappointed if that's what it is!

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