Internet first date, walk by the Thames late afternoon. We have spoken on the phone twice. I arrive, I greet him 'kiss' on both cheeks, and introduce myself. Within 30 seconds he has taken my hand as we start to walk around. I disengage several times over the next 10 minutes, then think ok maybe I should loosen up, what's the harm and stop wriggling out of the hand holding.
All going well, we go and sit in some cafe gardens, he is a little 'full on'r/over exuberant with me and strangers milling around (made several women and a couple look uncomfortable by loud comments on clothing/what they are doing/saying etc). I have relax and think he is just very tactile. After a couple of hours, there is an attempt at a snog and I dodge it. We carry on chatting. Hands on bare legs between my thighs which I manage to politely get out of, generally over familiar. I'm trying to give benefit of doubt.
Some things feel 'off' eg I explained I keep my dating life separate from my teenage son, unless its a serious long term relationship. He said he wanted to be sure he could come to my home any time he wanted to if we were together. I explained if I got to that stage I would be happy to spend time at his place until we were sure about things at which point of course he would be part of my life and therefore very welcome. Instinct warning.
Fast forward to 5 hours later, its evening. I feel he is going to go for a snog. I say' really sorry, I don't want to kiss you'. I explain that I am not a big kisser, that snogging is very personal for me and it takes a lot for me to be ready for this. For me if I want to snog them I usually feel I would want to shag them. He asks for a hug, this feels natural I'm happy with this and we have a big, long hug. After a couple of minutes, I'm taking photos of the river, he is standing behind me and nuzzling my neck. He then turns me around at the waist and goes in hard for a snog, I avoid it by having to turn my head a couple of times. I have to really pull away with some strength.
I react badly. Say which bit of I don't want to kiss you didn't you understand? I am straight, I already told you this and I meant it. If I wanted to it would be very very clear, beleive me. I'm very pissed of and feel a bit unnerved. He apologises. I say ok, we walk on although I'm surprised that I'm a bit shaken. A few minutes later, he puts his arms around my waist from behind, I give no encouragement and then very quickly he tries to turn me again. I get very angry.
He calls after me by the name of his last gf. She was 'lovely girl that he finished with after 2 months as he wanted a future with someone' and she couldn't give him enough time as she has a job in different part of the country. He didn't ask her if she wanted a future with him, just finished it. Second instinct alert as if I needed it.
Apparently he wasn't trying to kiss me the second time, just hug to make it up. I believe this. AIBU to have reacted like this, feel I may have given mixed signals being happy with the earlier hug and neck nuzzling but OTOH I was absolutely clear about not wanting to snog him. I think he was unstable, he probably thinks I am.