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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to really dislike having overnight guests?

65 replies

Carrotsandcelery · 26/06/2011 21:21

We have just been visited by my dh's sister and her boyfriend.

I am completely shattered and feel like my weekend has been stolen from me.

I like them both but find having them in my house overwhelming and so tiring.

Am I alone or does anyone else loathe having people to stay overnight?

OP posts:

kaid100 · 28/06/2011 21:33

Well, you say that you don't like having them there, but are changing your diet to suit their (very unhealthy) diet when they visit. Why not just stick to healthy food while they are there anyway? Obviously it would be unreasonable to ignore allergies or vegetarianism, but if you don't have too much chocolate and crisps in the house you can't be tempted by it either, and if there is nothing else your BIL will, I'm sure, eat healthy food rather than starve. He might make a fuss for the first half an hour but eventually his stomach will overtake his stubbornness and he'll decide that normal food doesn't taste too bad after all. If they complain, just say that you are on a diet and don't want to be tempted by junk.

bibbitybobbityhat · 28/06/2011 21:37

Yanbu. I completely loathe it too, although I am a very sociable extrovert type.

I just can't stick more than a few hours in other people's company .

We go away once a year camping with friends (usually a group of 4 to 8 families) and two nights of that is as much as I can tolerate.

My idea of HELL would be to go on holiday with other people.

MirandaGoshawk · 28/06/2011 21:45

Thank you for this thread. It's made me feel normal.

I like the cooking for friends/relatives bit, catching up, relaxing, having a drink & a chat... but the talking always goes on too late/gets too loud & gives me a headache & I want them to go home.

Also I hate it in the mornings when people talk to me. (Go away! I just want it to be me, coffee & the paper.) Also it's only after they've gone that it occurs to me that some people have a cooked breakfast & then I feel guilty for only buying in croissants.

MirandaGoshawk · 28/06/2011 21:48

FIL is fine but ML insists on not missing bloody Masterchef or whatever, so last time after I'd cooked a lovely meal we had to eat it with the TV on, and in silence so as not to spoil her programme .

thepinktaco · 08/07/2020 19:59

So, I think I used to be ok with it (not really liking it), but since having the baby (11 months now), I HATE it. Mainly, my in-laws. So, they live like 4 hours away and we've never had a close relationship, I don't like going to their house and I don't invite them to come here often, so we would see then twice a year or something, which was more than enough for me. I am a loner but we have dinner parties often with friends and go out a lot and stuff (before COVID).
I invited them here ONCE when the baby was born and since then, they have invited themselves like 4 times. With the lockdown, I luckily have an excuse, but they are pushing to come visit again, so I'm examining why I hate this so much and find comfort in threads like this that let me know I'm not alone.
They have stayed at a hotel before which is perfectly acceptable to me, but my husband says he feels bad about that, and I love my husband so I don't want him to feel bad.
Our house is small and is unfinished, meaning there are a thousand things I would like to do so it looks nicer but hub disagrees and he thinks it's ok the way it looks. The guest room wasn't even meant to be that, it was going to be my office, not I have neither: just an ugly tiny bedroom with no personality. Also, there is absolutely no privacy because the kitchen and living room are one big space so I can't go anywhere to hide, I'm a prisoner in my own house.
Then I thought that if I lived in a big house in the Country Club, I would still not like having them over, so I don't know what it is. I don't dislike them and it's ok that they want to see the baby, but it's my baby and they will never have a significant role in her life... I've just become super territorial and I don't like letting people in, figuratively and literally, I don't like sharing my life with people, so get the f out of my effin house!

Doodles2020 · 11/01/2021 23:33

OMG this. is. me. I'd love the in-laws to take the hint and book a hotel but i couldn't possibly ever suggest it. They live 3 hours away and like to stay 3 days (cue endless cups of tea, non-stop washing up and boring conversation about prices in Morrison's and motorway driving routes... kill me now) - i get in anxiety the minute they leave because i know they want to come back - we don't have kids so i think they like our pristine home. my DH rolls out the red carpet in preparation for their arrival and it's the only time he'd ever deign clean the house (house mess is invisible to him at other times... hmph). anyway, it's a massive stressor in our relationship and i think we're going to split up. I'm really sociable - with loads of friends - but I'm an introvert and my home is my safe space to recharge and decompress. dinner parties with friends, great! sleepovers with the in-laws? worst nightmare. it sounds absolutely bloody ridiculous but these sleepovers really trigger me. my family are down the road so they've never stayed and tell me they don't feel welcome by DH! I'm nervous about having kids because then they'd never leave and would consider access to the grandkids in my house their absolute right. God, I'm awful. this surely isn't right? i can't see a way out of this except for splitting up. the thought of being single and never again having to face this argument almost makes me breathe a guilty sign of relief. help!

sbhydrogen · 11/01/2021 23:47

I got rid of my sofa bed to deter people from staying over 🤣

evenBetter · 11/01/2021 23:50

thepinktaco hates it so much she commented on a TEN YEAR OLD thread. Jfc.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/01/2021 23:52

I’m sure OP has either put her foot down or got used to it since OP is from 2011!

SunsetSenora · 12/01/2021 00:11

I love to see them but hate to have people in my space. I like living alone.

AndcalloffChristmas · 12/01/2021 00:56

Doesn’t sound so bloody awful now though does it? When we can’t have anyone to stay or even for a cup of tea!

cherryblosm · 12/01/2021 01:05

No - I love it. Our door is always open (except for covid) and our kids share so we have a spare room ready for any guests. We probably have my in laws twice a year, my mum 4 times a year, BIL/SIL once a year each. Aunties, uncles, friends.

It's a bit of work but we love hosting and showing people a fun time around the brilliant city we live in. The kids like it too.

If anything I'm disappointed we don't have people stay more often.

My sil is a miser, it's a 4 hour drive to her house and last time we did it she didn't even let us stop over in one of her 5 bedrooms. The 4 of us had to stay in my bil's 2 bed flat and we had much more of a laugh. He didn't even tidy up but great company.

Winterwoollies · 12/01/2021 09:24

I know this is a zombie but @thepinktaco you sound pretty awful. You won’t allow your inlaws to have a significant role in their grandkid’s life because you’re territorial? Jesus.

yelyah22 · 12/01/2021 11:33

Same. I'm lucky in that the friends we spend most time with - two couples - both like hosting/prefer being visited in their own house, because I don't even particularly like having people round to ours for the evening.

Home is my little sanctuary away from everyone else, I always feel slightly on edge when it's anyone except us here. And I know this sounds like an insane Mumsnet trope of a fragile bird woman who can't bear the intrusion of having the curtains open . But it's true - I would much rather visit someone at their house so I can leave when I want!

whoamongstus · 12/01/2021 11:34

Oh no, zombie thread! I've outed myself as a reclusive weirdo for no reason haha

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