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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to really dislike having overnight guests?

65 replies

Carrotsandcelery · 26/06/2011 21:21

We have just been visited by my dh's sister and her boyfriend.

I am completely shattered and feel like my weekend has been stolen from me.

I like them both but find having them in my house overwhelming and so tiring.

Am I alone or does anyone else loathe having people to stay overnight?

OP posts:

EndoplasmicReticulum · 26/06/2011 22:38

Hormonal - me too. Inlaws aren't so keen now that they have to sleep on blow up mattress in front room and watch Pokemon at 7am.

Asinine · 26/06/2011 22:45

I like it, especially when they leave.

It's the same feeling as when dh turns off the grand Prix, blissful peace

Seriously, I like the big meals, I tend to cook special stuff for guests

alarkaspree · 26/06/2011 22:48

I like it. I don't put myself out much for them though, I think that's where some of you are going wrong. I also love going on holiday with other families. I really struggle to understand why people don't enjoy that. Lots of extra playmates for the kids, more adults around so more chance to chill out, someone to cook with... what's not to like?

SinicalSal · 26/06/2011 22:55

They rear their children all wrong alarkaspree

grump

midoriway · 26/06/2011 22:59

All my family live far overseas, all DH's family live far overseas. I am desperate for more overnight visitors, no-one comes, does anyone want to come? We make a great breakfast.

queenmaeve · 26/06/2011 23:29

Only because I am an awful loud snorer. I find my friends look at me different when they've stayed a night at ours. Really it is v bad. A tractor with a coke habit

ledkr · 26/06/2011 23:39

so glad its not only me,i loath it.Everyone sat around in the evening chatting when you juswt want some peace after the dc's in bed. Expectations of teas coffees and food.Oh and the mornings,having to be polite and well mannered when knackered and everyone mooching about for breakfast then hogging the bathroom.

ledkr · 26/06/2011 23:41

midori ill come and stay with you next time the pils want to stay.It will save me the ordeal of watching fil crush his cereal into his bowl with his fist in order to fit more in. Heeeeeeeeeelp.

aurynne · 27/06/2011 06:47

We LOVE having people around, and enjoy staying over at their place too! I am horrified though that some of you expect weekend guests to help with house chores... I wouldn't expect or even allow any guest to help with chores unless they were staying long-term, I have been brought up to believe that a good host makes people feel at home, but the housekeeping is the host's business. Equally, I don't expect to be asked to vacuum/wash clothes/cook when I am spending 1-2 nights at a friend's place.

I think the ones of you who hate it may feel like that because you feel the need to do too much for your guests... Apart from sharing meals with them, they are adults, and can spend time on their own and find their own entertainment most of the time.

sundayrose10 · 27/06/2011 06:53

They rear their children all wrong alarkaspree

grump

I snorted. :o

TartyMcFarty · 27/06/2011 07:35

Don't worry, it'll become a thing if the past as people can no longer afford a house with a spare room - our excuse for never having guests to stay! (Every cloud and that )

MadYoungCatLady · 27/06/2011 08:32

Ruined an entire friendship with one couple once. I may be old fashioned but I believe there are certain etiquettes that should be adhered to when you throw your hosts out of their (immaculate and pretty - oh-so-pretty) which involves not trashing said bedroom, controlling DC, not informing one of your DC that your hosts DS is the "devil-child", not letting your other DC pull hair and push over the hosts DS and then getting pissed off when host has enough and tells the DC to pack it in, contributing towards the cost of takeaways when your host is totally fed up of cooking for you and your picky brood, not leaving only once you have eaten your host out of house and home, and you alllllllllways offer your host some delightful little treat to say thank you for putting up with the delightful situation all bloody week after they have slept on a pissing airbed that goes down by the morning with a bad fucking back!
For this reason, no-one will be staying with my new DP and I. Come over, have a cuppa, I will even be a civilised non-grump for a few hours. Just fuck off at bed time, thank you. There is a reason for bnb's - this being the main one!!!

noddyholder · 27/06/2011 08:38

It always seems like a good idea when it is suggested and being planned but as it approaches I always think oh no this is going to be hassle and knackering and it always is! I do it a lot though as I live by the sea and everyone loves to come usually with a couple of teenagers in tow. It is almost worth it though for the sense of peace when they go

MadYoungCatLady · 27/06/2011 08:38

aurynne, yes they should definately be spending time on their own. preferably in the shed. or at their bloody house.

Suddenly realising why I have no friends... ah well, DS is still too young to realise i'm a miserable old boot. And the cats still like me.

Adversecamber · 27/06/2011 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

becknotts · 27/06/2011 10:31

Father of an ex used to get all the guests digging and weeding on a Sunday, people loved it and used to bring their wellies specially
I will do all the prep work for guests, make sure everything is tidy, make food for main meals and cakes
However when people come stay always show them where the tea and coffee is. Always accept offers of help to wash up, prepare veg etc
Will do one big breakfast , otherwise they know where the muesli yogurt fruit

I hate going to peoples houses and having to creep around , wait for them to offer me tea, for me making people feel at home is not being their servant but having them feel comfortable enough to make it their home too for the duration of their stay

oohlaalaa · 27/06/2011 10:39

YANBU. I feel the same.

Whorulestheroost · 27/06/2011 10:41

Yanbu! My inlaws live in Wales and often come to stay. It's not that I don't like their company but I'm always glad to have my house back when they leave. I'm sure they feel the same when we stay with them

mumeeee · 27/06/2011 10:55

YABU I love having overnight guests. Yes it can be a little bit of hard work but not to much. DD1 and her DH live in London and we're in Cardiff so don't we don't see them often. Also I have recently had my BIL, nephew and my parents staying. They all take us as they find us and help out if they can. Although I don't expect them to.

Original poster

Carrotsandcelery · 27/06/2011 18:44

Maybe it was the particular guests that made it so difficult.

I did the big clean before they came and the big shop, having checked what they wanted first.

I had the guest room looking beautiful, with the guest towels out on the bed.

I was really pleased to see them arrive.

I don't expect my guests to do any housework but I do encourage them to help themselves to drinks and snacks if I know them well.

I would also LOVE to cook big meals for them and delicious puddings.

Unfortunately my guests seem to be intent on sitting of the sofa drinking tea and Pepsi, eating crisps, chocolate and cheese. BIL could star on "Freaky Eaters" and doesn't eat any vegetables, whereas we are vegetarians

They took a fresh mug every time they had a cuppa and left their empty mugs and coke cans by the sink when the recycling drawer is right beside it.

We live in a beautiful part of the world but they were not interested in seeing any of it or in interacting with their niece and nephew.

They took total control of the tv remote control and moaned if they didn't like what someone else had chosen.

The specific cereal they requested sits unopened in the cupboard.

The list goes on and on and on - I was so exhausted by the end of it and feel hungover today, probably due to the rubbish food consumed for 3 days.

Maybe if some of you guys had come to visit I would have had a weekend filled with delicious meals, interesting conversation, exciting visits locally and great fun with the dcs. Ho hum!

OP posts:

LucretiaInShadows · 27/06/2011 18:57

PHEW! I'm so glad you posted again; I was worrying that you were my SIL!

I thought we had a lovely time. We arrived bearing (small, home-made) gifts, took DB and DSIL out to dinner, appreciated the local sights, helped with the washing up after breakfast and left before lunch. Is that an acceptable level of visiting?

duffybeatmetoit · 27/06/2011 19:09

I love having friends to stay probably because we are all pretty happy go lucky and aren't high maintenance guests. Plus as others have said it does ensure the house gets cleaned properly . Family can be more trying but I'd far rather have the odd niggle than live in splendid isolation.

kaid100 · 27/06/2011 19:41

They sounds like a pain, but out of interest why did you eat rubbish food too? I'd have still cooked proper meals for my and DW's benefit, and if they didn't eat their portions because they were too stuffed on Crunchie bars and Pringles I'd have just popped them in the fridge to eat another day (the meals, not the guests).

Original poster

Carrotsandcelery · 27/06/2011 20:59

I made soup and we ate healthy meals but not as healthy as we would normally in an attempt to accommodate BIL. I have tendencies to eat the wrong thing which I fight like mad but when it is all there infront of me I find it very hard to resist. I just wouldn't normally put it all there infront of me for that very reason. Everyone has their own level of willpower and their own ways of dealing with their demons. Mine is just not to buy it. If it wasn't there when BIL visited then he literally wouldn't eat!

OP posts:

happymum2be1 · 27/06/2011 22:05

I love having a very clean house when people come and pretend that it's always like this!! That being said, I hate having to wait for a shower, especially when some of our closest friends take half an hour EACH in the shower !!!! We always do a little celebratory dance when visitors leave...

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