To think life goes on after someone dies?

[Pumpernickel10]

My dad was widowed nearly 3 years ago and moved to a bungalow about 18 months ago, there are a lot of retired people there and he's made great friends especially with 2 widows. I've met them and they are lovely he's got a new lease of life, my brother called today to say he's been disrespectful to our mom. I don't think he is and we've had an almighty row. Dads happy and that's all I want, life does go on after death.

Yes my brother is very selfish purple I told him that lastnight,he as texted me today to say sorry though and I said do not say anything to Dad,just be very happy for him,I think he knows where I am coming from now :)

No YANBU, but perhaps go easy on your brother because as previous posters have said, he may not be as far along in the grieving process as you or he may be at a different stage of it. It doesn't sound as if he accepts her death yet. Whatever you do, don't fall out about it though. It's so not worth it. Losing your mum is bad enough.

I would never fall out with him over it, he knows by views on this and when he texted back he knew he was being unreasonable about his comment.

My dad died in nov last year. O can't imagine my mum being with anyone else. I also wouldn't want her to live alone for the next 32 years (if she makes it to her mothers age of 92 who had also been widowed early).

I can understand why your brother is hurting but I hope he hasn't said anything to your dad.

No he wouldn't say anything to Dad if he does he'll get a thick ear from me.

Love your new name

YANBU but neither is your Brother. I hope he isn't expressing his opinions to your Dad, but he is dealing with losing your Mum in his own way and I can understand that he might be struggling with the fact that your Dad is moving on when he clearly isn't yet. I would ask him to please let your Dad be happy, but also be sympathic to how he's feeling. Grief can make us get a bit self absorbed. It doesn't make your Brothre a bad person.

No my brothers not a bad person overall he says what he thinks which I admire him for even if it does get him into trouble. I think out of all of us it hit him hardest. The last time he saw my mom when she was healthy was when she moved here to Devon the last time he saw her she was a tiny stick thin shell in a bed, he didn't recognise her. I know that haunts him to this day. He blames himself for not coming sooner to see her, but as he said to me we had hope and I guess we believed she would get better.

If your dad was stuffing tenners down thongs, or had taken up with a floosie less than half his age, there might be some cause for concern but, 3 years on, it can be nothing but encouraging that he has been able to rediscover his zest for life, and that he is enjoying activities with new friends from his peer group.

When our loved ones die I believe that continuing to live our lives well and to the full, no matter how hard that may be, is the greatest tribute we can pay them.

Your brother may be guilt-ridden but that's his problem - or his learning curve, as I prefer to see it - and he should resist any temptation to unload his angst onto your dad.

YANBU. As others have said sounds like he is feeling guilty for not being around for your mum and projecting onto your dad.

Toptramp - so sorry for your loss.