Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is he a selfish prat?

39 replies

ivechangednamestoo · 25/06/2011 15:33

DP took up golf a couple of months ago and is, to put it mildly a bit obsessed at the moment. Has bought all the kit and plays about 5 times a week for 2+ hours depending how many time he goes round and if he stays for drink.

Most days he hints about going until I tell him to go. This means that I have to put DS to bed and obviously I cant go out anywhere as I cant leave DS. I dont mind really - it is nice to see him enthusiastic about something and the exercise is good for him but I know if it was the other way round he wouldn't be nearly so accomodating.

This afternoon he was supposed to be coming with me to a birthday party that DS had been invited to - yesterday I heard him on the phone telling his friend that he couldn't play today because of this so I said I would take DS on my own. My DSis and her husband are down so he aranged to take my BIL with him to golf.

This afternoon I asked him when he would be back as I was trying to arrange dinner with DSis - because of our DS 2 and her DD 1, we (Dsis and I) had provisionally discussed going out about 5.30. I thought I could pick them up from the club house on the way. As soon as I asked what time he would be back he immediately went into one and said that I was very selfish expecting him to change his plans as this meant he wouldn't be able to stay as long for a drink. He also said I spoil everything because every time he plays he feels he has to clockwatch and get back as soon as possible. We ended up having a blazing row.

QUite frankly I think he's taking the piss. Apparently playing 5 times a week isn't enough - he should be able to stay as long as he bloody well likes. And until yesterday when I agreed to take DS on his own, he wasn't even playing golf today. I didn't ask him not to go, just maybe trya nd get back a bit earlier so it wasn't too late for the kids. I should have just insisted he come with me to the party and the whole thing would have been avoided.

AIBU - he says I am....

I think it is a selfish twat to be honest.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 25/06/2011 15:35

five times a week is excessive and fucking selfish! you are definately not being unreasonable...

Pumpernickel10 · 25/06/2011 15:36

Sounds like a selfish prat to me

Hassled · 25/06/2011 15:38

He's taking the piss in a massive way. 5 times a week? Unless he's called Tiger, that's insane.

DoingTheBestICan · 25/06/2011 15:38

YAdefNBU,if he wants to play golf to that extent then tell him to fuck off & that way he can do as he pleases.

He sounds like a spoilt child stamping his feet.

jugglingmug · 25/06/2011 15:38

YANBU. How did this pan out? Are you picking him up at 5.30? Just wondered if he always gets his own way by throwing his toys out of the pram?!

mummakaz · 25/06/2011 15:41

Taking the right piss imo too, ask him if it were the other way round would he be fine with it. Perhaps you should fuck off out everyday too, he may get the picture then Grin

MummyTigger · 25/06/2011 15:41

If he were called Tiger, it wouldn't be the golfing balls you would have to worry about!

Seriously though - what an absolute prick. Tell him that he can have his activity on a Sunday afternoon, and then when Saturday rolls around get dressed and bolt down the pub for a glass of vino. If he can have his hobby you can bloody well have yours too!

MrsKwazii · 25/06/2011 15:47

He's a selfish prat and sounds like a spoiled child. If he wants to go he should discuss it with you straight out. And it's not unreasonable of you to want to know how long he'll be out and when he's coming home.

Are you hoping that he'll cut down the frequency once the novelty wears off a bit, or would you be happy for him to continue going this often?

Original poster
ivechangednamestoo · 25/06/2011 15:49

Thank you so much. I really dont think I was BU but he was so insistent that I was the one in the wrong as I knew yesterday he was playing golf... I (almost) started doubting myself.

We had a big row, I told him not to bother coming for dinner and that I would go with mum and ds but he eventually said he would come back as BIL would want to go out for dinner anyway. He made it very clear it was a big sacrifice on his part and that he thought me very unreasonable and selfish. Somehow he always seems to engineer it so that he gets own way and I am the one in the wrong....

I've told him he cant act like a single man when it suits him. I would love to act the same way and see hwo long he would put up with it (about 2 days max!) but I cant be bothered with all the game playing.

Next time he bloody hints about playing, he can piss off.

OP posts:
Original poster
ivechangednamestoo · 25/06/2011 15:52

I assume the novelty will wear off a bit. I wouldn't mind so much him going if there was the slightest acknowledgement of my reasonableness in letting him go that often! But no, I'm spoiling his fun by expecting him not ot go for 4+ hours everytime.

Thank you all. I am steaming awith him at the moment but your support has cheered me up a bit.

OP posts:
1Catherine1 · 25/06/2011 15:53

definitely not unreasonable.... You sound like a saint putting up with 2 hours a go 5 days a week while you stay home and look after the children... I assume he knows what century we live in?

lazarusb · 25/06/2011 18:55

I think you are far too generous to him. He's acting like a spoilt brat. Tell himto grow up.

iklboo · 25/06/2011 19:07

He'd be explaining to the A & E doctor exactly how he got a 9 iron & three golf balls up his arse if it was me Grin

Tortington · 25/06/2011 19:12

rod for your own back is all i have to say 'yes do go darling im so doting and i wear and apron and i can breastfeed africa whilst dusting, cleaning, baking and giving great head'

the solution is simple

you make a chart and put on fridge

the chart is quite simple - it is a tally chart each line represents one hour of time for yourself doing something you like without the children.

this visual aid is very simple and it will soon be very easy to see that he has lots of him time.

dont be a doormat, its just pathetic not endearing

jeckadeck · 25/06/2011 19:13

YANB remotely U and he is being very selfish. Five times a week is way too much unless you're a pro and totally over the top given that he's just started. Also I hate the way men go off on one if you ask a very unthreatening, factual question about their whereabouts because you want to make plans. Don't back down on this -- tell him he's lucky to have been playing golf at all on that day and you are well within your rights to want know when he's back so you can plan what you want to do.

ChaoticAngelinLimbo · 25/06/2011 19:17

YANBU He's being selfish and childish.

Jonnyfan · 25/06/2011 19:19

I think you should negotiate a couple of times a week for golf, with a drink afterwards, but he then has to stick to that. You are then entitled to a couple of outings yourself, a class maybe or girls night out or shopping and coffee, and he minds the children. Otherwise, yes, he is a selfish twat.

Jonnyfan · 25/06/2011 19:19

sorry- PRAT.

coproxamol · 25/06/2011 19:47

Blimey, 2 hours? All I can say is he must be playing speed golf. My DH is gone for about 5 hours when he plays golf.

Feel for you though, as they do tend to think it is their god given right to go off and do this kind of stuff.

Friday I informed my DH that I felt like shit and really wanted to go to bed. He just told me to lie on sofa and rest (with 3 DCs), and then buggered off to play golf.
Can't wait till he feels ill so I can let the kids run riot while he tries to rest in bed.

FlubbaBubba · 25/06/2011 19:53

I agree with coproxamol - 2 hrs is speedy for golf IME, especially if he's just started (and likely to play some shockers).

DH is out running now, but he (now) always asks me when is a good time to go. Normally runs three or four times a week, but always when it suits us best.

lovemyskinnyjeans · 25/06/2011 19:54

Sounds like a selfish dickhead tbh. Why do men get silly fads like this all the time?

trixymalixy · 25/06/2011 20:36

Aaagh, wrote a really long post about a similar situation with my DH and it disappeared into the ether.

Basically he went in a strop because I had to work two evenings and asked him to stay at home as DD had been playing up. Bear in mind he had done his hobby, Monday and Tuesday nights already and could do Friday once my deadline had passed, and he was off for nearly a week on holiday doing his hobby the following week.

He said he was annoyed as he wasn't going to do his hobby on Saturday, me foolishly thinking it was to spend time with the kids, maybe give me a break.

I then hit the roof and said he could behave like a single man all he wanted if he didn't start showing some appreciation and respect for the fact that I stay home so much to let him do his hobby, as I would be leaving him.

He says things will change, but we'll see.

Anyway YANBU your DH and mine are acting like tears.

trixymalixy · 25/06/2011 20:37

Sorry missed a bit, he was staying home on the Saturday to do some preparation for his trip, not to spend time with his family.

trixymalixy · 25/06/2011 20:38

Tears=twats. Stupid phone!!

Desiderata · 25/06/2011 20:38

God, I hate golf.