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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is he a selfish prat?

39 replies

ivechangednamestoo · 25/06/2011 15:33

DP took up golf a couple of months ago and is, to put it mildly a bit obsessed at the moment. Has bought all the kit and plays about 5 times a week for 2+ hours depending how many time he goes round and if he stays for drink.

Most days he hints about going until I tell him to go. This means that I have to put DS to bed and obviously I cant go out anywhere as I cant leave DS. I dont mind really - it is nice to see him enthusiastic about something and the exercise is good for him but I know if it was the other way round he wouldn't be nearly so accomodating.

This afternoon he was supposed to be coming with me to a birthday party that DS had been invited to - yesterday I heard him on the phone telling his friend that he couldn't play today because of this so I said I would take DS on my own. My DSis and her husband are down so he aranged to take my BIL with him to golf.

This afternoon I asked him when he would be back as I was trying to arrange dinner with DSis - because of our DS 2 and her DD 1, we (Dsis and I) had provisionally discussed going out about 5.30. I thought I could pick them up from the club house on the way. As soon as I asked what time he would be back he immediately went into one and said that I was very selfish expecting him to change his plans as this meant he wouldn't be able to stay as long for a drink. He also said I spoil everything because every time he plays he feels he has to clockwatch and get back as soon as possible. We ended up having a blazing row.

QUite frankly I think he's taking the piss. Apparently playing 5 times a week isn't enough - he should be able to stay as long as he bloody well likes. And until yesterday when I agreed to take DS on his own, he wasn't even playing golf today. I didn't ask him not to go, just maybe trya nd get back a bit earlier so it wasn't too late for the kids. I should have just insisted he come with me to the party and the whole thing would have been avoided.

AIBU - he says I am....

I think it is a selfish twat to be honest.

OP posts:

coproxamol · 25/06/2011 21:04

Exactly, when they start playing golf, they are usually so bad it takes all bloody day to play one round.
As for a 'fad', my DH's fad has lasted for over 15 years now, and he shows no signs of getting bored with it yet.
In fact, atm he is playing so many competitions, I have had to write down HIS social life on MY calendar so I know where the hell I am re meals, etc.

coproxamol · 25/06/2011 21:06

I hate golf too. DH once asked me to join his club and take it up.
I laughed so much I was nearly sick.
Sad game that spoils a good walk.

BringOnTheGoat · 25/06/2011 21:08

Prat

Original poster

ivechangednamestoo · 25/06/2011 22:04

Thanks all for your support. I am still furious about his attitude but I am not going to let it spoil my weekend with my Dsis. I will deal with him next week.

I know 2 hours seems quick but it is only 5 mins away, its only a 9 hole and the two hours is only if he goes on his own. More often it is longer than that.

Custardo - rod for your own back is all i have to say 'yes do go darling im so doting and i wear and apron and i can breastfeed africa whilst dusting, cleaning, baking and giving great head

Quite frankly your talking shite and assuming (incorrectly) a lot. I am neither a dormat nor find them endearing. I let him play so much because it was a new hobby and I thought/think the novelty would wear off soon and because he needed an outside interests/exercise. However I will not be taken for a mug and in light of his comments today, he will find me an awful less accomodating in the future. I like the idea of the chart though - I have already told him that I expect to have the same amount of 'free' time each week.

Trixy - I am so sorry your DH is being a twat as well. Do they really believe it is us that is behaving unreasonably?? I really hope he has taken your comments seriously and that you see a change in his behaviour.

OP posts:

troisgarcons · 25/06/2011 22:07

2 hours? A round?
Is it pitch n putt?

troisgarcons · 25/06/2011 22:08

he plays on his own???

MorelliOrRanger · 25/06/2011 22:11

Yep he's a selfish prat. My DP cycles 4 times a week for a couple of hours first thing in the morning and never at detriment to our family time.

trixymalixy · 25/06/2011 22:12

Ive, I'm totally not a mug either. I think DH did get a bit of a wake up call and realised what a twat he has been. He had agreed that he will no longer spend the whole day on Saturday on his hobby, so that's a start and I am spending the whole day next Saturday pampering myself.

Original poster

ivechangednamestoo · 25/06/2011 22:13

He often plays with friends, but will have a quick round on his own if none of them are about - unlike him they dont all play 5 times a week.

OP posts:

Original poster

ivechangednamestoo · 25/06/2011 22:15

Good for you Trixy. I hope you have a lovely day, a day of pampering sounds lovely... have been thinking of something similar!

OP posts:

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 25/06/2011 22:43

If it's got tyres or bollocks you're gonna have trouble with it....

Smellslikecatpee · 25/06/2011 23:16

5 times a week WTF!!

OH and I don't have children, he does have various clubs/hobbies etc that he does, as do I.
But each of us only give up a max of 2 evenings a week; OH sometimes ends up doing weekends away, but never more than 2 a month.

One of OH's friends sounds very like your husband, expected to be out 4-5 evenings a week and away nearly every weekend with his hobbies etc., to the extent that he hasn?t gone on holiday with his family in 4 years as it would mean missing 1-2 weeks of this.
His wife is divorcing him.
We bumped in to her and their DD the other day, as they're planning on shared custody 2 evenings a week and 2 weekends a month, DD (12) reckons that she?ll see more of him than she ever has, his DS has no interest in spending any time with him and as is over 16 can?t exactly be ?made? to visit. His wife reckons that really he as he was around so little that it won?t make much difference in her life and actually make it easier as their won?t be any more fights trying to get some attention for their DC or her from him.

We have clashed, OH and I when every so often his time away creeps up and he has thought that I was been UR , but since finding out about the divorce it?s really shaken him especially as friends wife commented on how ?easy? it was, first he was out one weekend in 4 then 2, then it was every weekend, and that maybe if she?s tried to make him see reason earlier. . . .

Sorry for over long post, but once 5 times a week is the ?norm? soon it will be the norm to spend all day Sat & Sun playing. . .

HedleyLamarr · 25/06/2011 23:29

My dad took up golf when I was 7. My mum never saw him at weekends so took it up about a year or so later, leaving me (as the eldest) to look after 3 brothers. To rub it in even more, pretty soon she got better at the game than he ever was. YANBU at all. Just find something that takes you out of the home on your own so he has to share childcaring.

CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 25/06/2011 23:39

YANBU; he is being extremely selfish. Why do lots of men have that knack of turning everything round to blame the woman when they're in the wrong? My DH does that. Also men thinking they can do what they like and assuming that their partner or wife will provide childcare is a bugbear of mine.

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