To think this was a (minor but) turdy thing to do?

[MrsKravitz]

DH got a box of heroes (plus a book and dvd) from ds (6) for father's day.
DH watched the dvd and ate the box of chocolates with DSS (16) last night. Dont think they even kept one for DS.

oh ffs its a bit odd if they are BOTH in the room and he tells one to fuck off while shovelling them into the face of the other one !! Not odd when one has gone to bed and other son and dad are relaxing watching a program !!!

i reckon that dss and dh obviously had bit of a lads night dvd and choccy and just wya it went .Sometimes it is good to do enjoy things with just one dc especially when a big age gap .I suspect dh did not think about it

I don't think it's odd, or that he thought about it while he was doing it - I'm just saying that if that were my two, DD has a massive case of the it's not fairs over everything DS gets to do because he's older - and this would make her moan to me, which would make me think - actually it is a bit unfair, not enought for me to say it to her, but internally, I'd think she had a bit of a point, lol

well then you are bringing her up to expect she should get just because someone else does?

no, like I said, I wouldn't say it...I'd tell her tough, she gets plenty of other things and she's not hard done by

but I'd understand why it'd be annoying to miss out just because you're littler and have to go to bed early

Not even slightly turdy.

His present, his to do what he likes with.

Hmm yes on balance it was thoughtless.
I think he needs to get another box of chocs and watch the movie again today with his other son.
Little one won't understand but the bigger ones should have.
Dh should have been gracious enough in accepting the gift and doing it together a perfect bonding experience for the giver and receiver to have together imo. Little one would have been sooo pleased to have facilitated this experience too.
So don't let on he;s already seen it and just do it again.

I'm with the mum thinking on her poor little 6 yr old. nothing to do with dss or anything just plain thoughtlessness.

Wouldn't bother me. When you give someone a present it's theirs to do with as they wish. If he chose to open them late at night when his younger son is in bed then it was likely there will be none gone by the morning.
You don't buy people sweets so they can offer you one.
If he generally gets on well with his younger son then it wouldn't bother me at all.

none left not none gone.

thoughtless and/or meany.

a bit pooey.

IM wondering if that is the problem rebecca , if dh ate them by himself would OP be annoyed about it or is it cos he shared them with dss that she is annoyed?

The last thing you want to teach DS is that he should expect something back for everything he does, no wonder so many people have a sense of entitlement if their parents teach them to have one.

If DH and DSS had eaten them in DS' presence and not shared that would be selfish, but in these circumstances I don't see the issue.

The issue is to share the very young present givers present with him to show that giving and receiving is a lovely thing.
It is a bit mean and I think it was prob thoughtless.

I think the "you are teaching them to expect something back" thing is bloody hilarious and frankly a bit wanky. Its a 6 year old who picked out a box of chocolates for his dad (and the movie was pirates of the caribbean). Its just a nice gesture for his dad to have given him one when he opened them, surely. There is no deep and lifelong issie of expectations attached. Bizarre.

As to the "stepchild conspiracy" theories. The step is irrelevant to the situation and to us (its just who he is so dss is what I call him on here).
He shared them with his brother, not with him...which is a little thoughtless.

Thoughtless? Yes.

That's all.

Yip it was thoughtless.

and greedy

Is this something he does often?

Would you like the phone number for Women's Aid or Co-Greed Anon?

Yes, because an adult woman bringing a box of chocolates to a friend is just like a 6 year old boy giving his Dad a birthday present.

The thing to learn about presents is how to receive them graciously.

And saying "it's mine to do what I want with" is not gracious (clearly a lot of people on this thread never learnt this lesson).

If a little boy gives you a video suitable for his age group and a box of sweets, he is giving you the present of a shared activity.

Doing that activity with his brother while he's asleep is mean.

Some lessons need to be learnt in this house about gifts, but the little boy whose thoughtful gift was treated so carelessly is not the one who needs teaching.

Exactly shecutoff just what I think

Then that should have been made clear, along the lines of, we've bought this dvd for the two of you to have a boys' night. That's not the same as "daddy I've bought a present for you" Would he expect to wear the "Best Dad" socks as well?

Bizarre behaviour.

He doesnt "expect" anything. Its not about what my child wants or missed, he didnt even mention it. I just think what my dh did was a bit mean/thoughtless.