M

[mykiddies]

m

mmm Bop

Marks and Spencer?

Mumsnet at it's worst!

Or is the answer '42'??

You called?

lol - sorry sorry I made a mistake with my post but now I have everyone's interest who knows about issues with childcare during school holidays with grandparents who have been doing a grand job (or so I thought) for past 10 years but now we seem to have an issue. To make it short, I was ill start of week, little one picked up by granda after school, I managed to get myself over to get her later in day and my mum was in bed...which is all v nice but she does this quite a lot and leaves my dad to do most of it. They have my 2 children 2 half days a week after school but now we have school holidays and this is where problem arises. During telephone conversation I asked why she was in bed, she said she was tired, I said that's not really fair on dad, she then put phone down. Later conversation she said it wasn't v nice what I had said. I said all I was asking was why you were in bed esp since I was ill and went to get them and you were in bed. She said I said I felt she put upon my dad a lot. I said I did not I said it wasn't fair on him. He does a lot. She then proceeded to say their lives revolve around their grandchildren. I am angry at this. The 2 days she has them she goes out sometimes when the oldest comes home from school and they don't want to and the other day she does her food shopping? She goes back to bed in the morning and gets up at noon. My mum has suffered depression for 20 years. Has no real interest on doing anything i.e walking, exercise, has taken them to the park about 3 times in 10 years and really if they go out with her it's round the shops. Are my children a burden to her? She doesn't really do anything with them anyway. My dad gets left with it all! I suggested changing my working hours so I am working half days instead during the summer holidays. So that would be 4 half days instead of 2 full days and 1 half day. She said how does that help us? I don't know what to do. A relative used to help out one day during school holidays but since youngest has started nursery she didn't go over any more and I would feel like I am using her if I ask now (don't get the time to see her as much any more). I feel the issue might be that my brother's youngest mother is changing her working hours and they might have to have him. What do I do?

OP, that is probably the most profoundly existentialist post ever, in the worldwide history of forums. m indeed! m? Or, looking at it a different way, m! Added to its fellow ms, m becomes an expression of delight, even of joy: mmmmm! for pleasure. With fewer fellows, mmm? denotes indecision and, perhaps, doubt. What woman has not hummed "mmm?" at a talkative child or asked, of a weakly self-excusing husband, "mmm?"?

There we have the crux, the very essence, of m: Rounded, replete with significance, manifold of meaning and perfectly adapted to multitasking, m is the feminine. Feminine, womanly, mysterious yet expressive - m is woman.

Damn, I just wasted a mini-essay

Mumbles something about fecking NM

mistress - mm!!

I liked 'm'...

Do you have any understanding of depression and how it affects people?

Also: this is why I pay for childcare... well, one of the reasons

Having said that, I think you might have to start a new thread - this one has gone all marvellous

Gosh what have I started...apologising for the slip of the m key..and not realising that one letter would get so many posts

PacificDogwood I do a lot - 20 years actually I have witnessed my mother ceasing to exist..though personally not myself though maybe potentially :(

m - i was a male stripper in a go go bar

I say you need to either accept that your mom and dad sort out what they do in their own home between them

or

get some paid-for childcare in place

My eyes...Make paragraphs...?

didn't see that coming from op

I preferred the m OP to the update rant. I don't really understand. Your mum looks after your children for two days per week and you're cross with her for being tired?

That is very hard, mykiddies, for you, and your mum of course.

It just sounded like she is quite unwell and truly not up for looking after children all day long - I know I find it hard and I am well.

Is your mum seeing anybody about her depression? GP? CPN? Is she taking ADs??

mmmm mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmm

oooooonce there was this guuuuuuuurrrllll

CurrySpice maybe you are right...but if my children are a burden (and am I just realising this after all this time - I think i've known all along) but if I went down this road it would cause a huge rift and I wouldn't know where to start... my dad is brill with them but he is retired and saying that he doesn't do much and i feel that if this happened he would then have nothing...

Resisting temptation to go "mmm ..."
Oh, damn, I did.

Anyway - yes, I'm afraid it is unreasonable to rely on your parents to care for your children, especially when one of them has a debilitating MH condition. As she's had depression for 20 years, I'm guessing you grew up with it and, perhaps, harbour some resentment over that. Which would be totally understandable & reasonable - but still doesn't give you the right to make demands of her and put her down. She is ill.

Her illness places a heavy burden on her husband. You're right about this, but telling her off for it is just as helpful as telling somebody on crutches to run faster.

I'm sorry for all that you're going through. But it can't be helped :( You'll have to find alternative childcare. And please stop telling her off for it, you'll make it worse.

Sorry.

She didn;'t say they were a burden OP, she said she was tired (and to be fair to her she is struggling with her MH)

You have put that interpretataion on it. In fact, she said their lives revolve around their DGC. I think you may need to step back a bit from it, is all I was saying

I wish I had family help and support - I think you are being very ungrateful TBH