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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to ask our childminder to abide by some basic TV guidelines?

59 replies

monkeymiss · 21/06/2011 19:16

eg just cbeebies and age-appropriate DVDs (eg Peppa Pig). No films or Internet, and no more than 30 minutes a day?

DD is 3.

There have been a few things recently that I would not have been happy for her to watch.

I subsequently asked CM verbally first if she would restrict telly watching to cbeebies, but CM explained they had current issues with Sky. So I put a note in the diary but she has taken offence and says I should trust her judgements.

I appreciate where she is coming from, but we are DD's parents.

OP posts:

HSMM · 21/06/2011 20:29

I have had parents who have come to meet me and we discuss their parenting skills and values in detail. I then tell them mine and we decide if we are compatible. They don't dictate what I should do in my CM setting, but I think it is important for both sides to be completely clear, so we all know what is expected. I have sometimes found this to be an invaluable way to improve what I can offer to all the children in my care.

Original poster

monkeymiss · 21/06/2011 20:46

@Boys - concern is YouTube. DD said she was scared of something she saw on the computer. Per CM they were looking for the video of I'm a Barbie Girl, which I don't really consider appropriate anyway, but it sounds like other things were viewed during the search.

@Gruffalos - I was also not happy when one day she watched a Wallace and Gromit film and then part of another film. This was during half term so CM's DD was around all day. I was unhappy about this firstly because of the amount of TV watched that day, but also because I don't think films are appropriate for a girl just turned 3 because I don't think she has the mental capacity to follow the plot, even though the content might not be inappropriate as such. The CM said to me that morning that it was "hard to know what to do with them", which saddened me. They went to soft play that morning. I let it go as an exception as it was half term. However I feel that things have changed as DD has got older, which worries me.

@maypole and ENorma - thanks for your views; that's why I'm posting. However is it wrong to try and uphold (enforce is a bit strong maybe?) some ideals if those ideals are not wildly unrealistic?

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 21/06/2011 20:54

ah you tube can be a bit erk if you are not swift on the back button, totally get your concerns

In my setting we do have a DVD day in half terms (well, one DVD, with popcorn and the sofas pulled into Cinema Viewing Position ) so maybe that could be acceptable

The one thing that I absolutely abide by is that the films MUST be U cert.

If the CM says it's hard to know what to do with them than you are right to hear alarm bells and for that reason only, I would consider looking for another CM or moving to nursery

There is a place for teletime in my setting, eg Springwatch Wimbledon (joke) as Alison and HSMM have said, one can link to current interests, but I don't like tele for babies (whole other thread ho ho)

girliefriend · 21/06/2011 20:55

tbh at age 3 I would think a good nursery may be a better environment for your dd. My dd went a cm from 7mo a couple of days a wk , tv wasn't even mentioned however when she was 2yrs a big telly suddenly appeared in the playroom, I had reservations about this and decided this would be a good time to think about nursery.

I think if you are paying someone to look after your children then really tv should not be a regular or okay thing. Fair enough occasionally for half an hr on a rainy day but thats it imo!!!

GruffalosGirl · 21/06/2011 20:58

I think the fact she said that it's hard to know what to do with them would be concerning me. Also, I would find it completely innapropriate to be looking at the Barbie Girl video. I can't think of anything on you tube I'd be happy with my DS watching and he's 2 1/2.

I don't think you are b u but maybe you'd be better off in a nursery setting where your DD is getting more educational based care now she's older. There's no way that I wouldn't be discussing the Barbie Girl video though, I'd have a huge problem with that.

PumpkinBones · 21/06/2011 21:03

We watch Sesame Street songs on YouTube :)

That comment would bother me too.

GruffalosGirl · 21/06/2011 21:06

I didn't know Sesame Street was on You Tube, we've just bought the DVD.

thegruffalosma · 21/06/2011 21:07

YANBU as you are paying her so she should consider your reasonable requests.
I, personally, think you are cutting off your nose with the 'no internet' rule. So long as it's supervised it can be very educational. My dd who is 3 likes playing educational games and I can help her to look things/words up when she asks questions like 'what is table in Portuguese?' as 9 times out of 10 I wouldn't have the answer. I think it is better for her to look things up with assistance rather than have me do it. She also likes writing her name and trying to write other words. Also there's hundreds of thousands of stories and songs on there - more than your cm will have in hard copies.
But, having said that, if you don't think your cm will listen to how you want your child cared for you might have to look elsewhere.

thegruffalosma · 21/06/2011 21:09

Just noticed I'm the pp's mil/gm lol

Al1son · 21/06/2011 21:16

I would expect a childminder to do the same as a nursery practitioner and prepare anything the children view on the internet beforehand.

I don't agree with the comment that this child would be better off in a good nursery. This child would be better off in a good childcare setting of which many are childminders who could offer her the care she deserves.

thegruffalosma · 21/06/2011 21:23

My dd is allowed free access to the computers/internet in her nursery. They have got high security settings on though and the screens are in full view of the staff. I did have to sign a form when she started to say she was allowed to use them. DD has been able to use my laptop independently since she was 2 to play cbeebies games and stuff and I think it's a great skill to have. My mum who's nearly 60 can't use a computer and has to get dd to help her.

reallytired · 21/06/2011 21:33

I think you would be better off with a nursery. However many nuseries have some TV. You need to select your nursey better.

There is no way that a three year old should be spending her time watching TV for hours. Also with a child minder any requests like no TV or limiting channels are complete unenforable.

osd · 21/06/2011 22:06

My dd at 3 watched Wallace and Gromit films with me they were on at Christmas, we were watching the panto, i went to make hot choc, came in and thought ooh noo, too old and a bit scary but my dd complained at me going to turn it off so we watched it together and she loved it and now expects it at holiday times of the year.

We also have a laptop for her, she is now 4, but we use google rex and childrens britannica set up which prevents her accessing unsuitable sites, then there is my laptop pass word protected and allowed for her use when she wants to see something on you tube supervised by me and she usually wants to see videos of animals or festivals

Perhaps a toddler laptop would be a good idea for cm, ours cost £80 reconditioned and it isn't amazing but she is 4 and it allows her to become knowledgeable with the internet, but also safe to surf, which is important for me as a mum.

sims2fan · 21/06/2011 22:15

If somebody looking after my child said it was hard to know what to do with children, when it is their job to care for them, then I would be looking for someone else to do the job.

Original poster

monkeymiss · 21/06/2011 22:53

Phew thanks so much everyone for all the input.

Have spoken with CM this evening.

Sounds like our relationship has come to an end unfortunately.

Will have to come on another night and explain more.

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 21/06/2011 23:08

oh dear I'm sorry

InTheNightKitchen · 21/06/2011 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegruffalosma · 22/06/2011 18:49

Original poster

monkeymiss · 22/06/2011 22:18

For the benefit of gruffalosma, I rang up to apologise for offending her but also to talk through the issue so she could better understand my concerns. However I found her very unwilling to listen and I felt that she thought she knew best. I felt a total lack of respect for me as DD's parent.

There were also other things that came up in the conversation which were a complete surprise to me. The main thing being that apparently I had been ungrateful that CM had taken DD to a certain activity. It was something that I had told DD she would not do until she was older, and I was also disappointed that CM had taken her rather than DH and myself. I had had no notice of this activity, but I didn't make anything of it as DD had clearly loved it and I was happy for her. CM's view was that if I chose to work I had to accept that DD was going to do things without me and I had to learn to let go. I didn't appreciate this point.

This is getting a bit off topic now, but in summary there were other issues brewing on both sides and it seems like the TV guidelines issue just brought it all to a head.

I was very shaken after the conversation and also so upset for DD as it meant change for her.

I'm happy with the outcome (namely that I am giving CM notice for the care of my DD, and she'll probably now go to nursery), but I didn't want the relationship to end on the sour note it has.

OP posts:

thegruffalosma · 22/06/2011 22:20

FWIW I think you made the right call.

Original poster

monkeymiss · 22/06/2011 22:22

Thanks.

OP posts:

Stars82 · 22/06/2011 22:38

Sorry if I have repeated a previous question but does your CM have a policy/procedure in place regarding television use whilst she takes care of ur DC?

What does it say?
Did you have to sign any policies/procedure etc?
Has she reviewed them lately? If not then it may be a good time to review it so she can put into palce a reasonable compromise etc

I have experience in the childcare sector and I would have no dramas letting children watch a small amount of TV as long as it was age appropriate and only for a small period of time during the day, for example a few minutes whilst meals are being prepared etc or depending on the age when we had a little bit of ''quiet time'' (if naps were due etc)

Seen as a verbal understanding hasn't really taken force put it in writing, at least that way if it doesn't work then you will have more cause to complain.

best of luck :)

BoysAreLikeDogs · 22/06/2011 23:35

oh cripes MM, what a difficult convo that must have been

you've done the right thing

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 23/06/2011 06:18

YANBU. I removed my ds from his childcare last week as the few times I've collected him the television has been on.

He doesn't watch it at all at home so I'll be buggered if I'm paying someone £6 an hour to put it on.

The said childcare didn't like that I removed him so I had to pay 6 weeks up front to cover losses. THat really and truly pissed me off.

cory · 23/06/2011 09:06

It sounds like you have come to the right decision for you and certainly the remark about it being difficult to think of anything to do with her charges would have sent me scuttling for the hills.

On the other hand, I think the CM did have a point: if you send her to a CM or a nursery you cannot expect a total measure of control, she will have to fit in with other children and with the ideas of other people as to what is appropriate for her age. You will not be able to specify exactly what activities she mustn't do because you'd like to do them with her first, nor exactly what she may not watch because you think it is too difficult for her. It is reasonable to expect her not to see anything inappropriate or scary, but you should not expect to micromanage her life: she will be growing up and that means moving away from your total control. But hopefully television watching will be a very small part of her life.

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