Dilemma time. DP as just come home to tell me he's seen my best friends DH with another woman

[Supermummy74]

DP as just been into town to go to the bank and he saw my best friends DH hand in hand with another woman. I really want to tell her but DP said to butt out, she's 5 months pregnant. What shall I do?

I'm glad you told her. Aside from finding out about another woman, the idea of people knowing, speculating and pitying me behind my back while it was going on would make it all so much worse.

Some of you would walk hand in hand with someone else's dp? Even if it is innocent, people will assume there's something going on.

I might but they would have to be a very very good friend I think.

Could be a relative or their could be a context that would make it nothing untoward

I have seen threads like this on MN before when the woman being cheated on is pregnant. I always wonder whether it is the right thing to do to tell the pregnant woman. It is such a serious issue for a pregnant woman to deal with and I fear for the effect it could have on her and her pregnancy while she is quite fragile.

Men don't like to tell because many cheat and they all keep quiet about it, like a silent man code thing. I could not imagine a man ever telling anyone they were being cheated on unless it was a woman doing it to one of their mates. Otherwise, when it is the guy, they tend to keep it quiet. Its not a 'man thing to do' to tell IYSWIM.

But then if it were me I would want to know so I could wait for him at home with a big cast iron griddle pan and make it worth my while.

Glad you told her, OP. Here's hoping it was a little-known auntie with difficulty walking, just leaning on him...

I, for one, would be very glad you had told me. Even if I didn't really want to know, IYSWIM.

How did she react when you told her?

Shit situation for you both to be in.

Definitely the right thing to do if she's your BEST friend - I have been cheated on whilst pregnant, if my BF had know but not told me I would hate her for it.

Good for you. She may well deal with the D H's betrayal better than finding out that her friends knew and didn't tell her. That is so humiliating.

I would tell her. I wouldn't say her DH was having an affair but exactly what your DH saw. It is her business. I wouldn't go through her DH.

i think you did the right thing OP. Has she been in touch wiht you anymore? hope she is ok?

yes, keep us posted OP,
there is nothing nice about a story like this, hope it turns out to be his sister or something, it seems very careless if he's having an affair to be walking the streets hand in hand with her.
i fear the result will be the cheatee being pregnant and alone, and the cheater getting a bollocking and leaving. crap all round really.

Sorry I have not been back on,she managed to get the truth out of him,it was a woman from work,someone hes been seeing for a few month. My friends gone to stay with her family to sort her head out,shes not sure what shes going to do yet but shes in total shock,she thanked me for telling her too so I know I did the right thing in the end.

you have got to tell her. Imagine how she would feel if she found out years later that you'd known and not said anything. I think you should keep the information as neutral and unslanted as possible: just tell her what your partner saw, as opposed to jumping to conclusions. It is quite hard to think of an innocent explanation for this but you don't want to appear to be going in with an angle on it because he's going to want to paint you as the villain. You should also be prepared for her to either go into denial and cut you off or for her and/or him to be aggressive with you and your partner. Do you have a mutual friend that you really trust and who you would expect her to share intimate things with? because in a situation like this and especially because of the pregnancy, it could be helpful to have a third party around who she trusts and can confide in, could potentially stay with for a bit if things get rocky and who can vouch for your truthfulness and integrity.

Well done OP. I'm glad she feels you did the right thing. Now you both know you can be there for her.

Hope she's ok.

SM74, please encourage her to have a thorough check up at a GUM clinic, for both her and her baby's sake.

I will do blast I told her to get checked out just in case and I said I would go with her. Shes texted me to say shes been out with her mom shopping but her DH keeps trying to call,I said speak to him when your ready. My DP now realises I was right to do the right thing and her DH as already had a go at my DP for telling me what he saw. He just told him to piss off.

Is there any STDs that would harm the baby?

Yes, SM74 there are several. It happened to me and one of my unborn due to ex's affair. I feel for your friend, having been there I can say that through those times, the support of my closest friends seemed to be all that got me through. Good on you for doing the right thing, be as available to her as you can be x

The point I should add is that many can be dealt with during pregnancy, minimising the risk of the baby being born with one.

In my case, I found out about the affair the day before my due date so spent the morning of my due date at a GUM clinic. By the time I got the results (they rushed the ones they could, given the circumstances), it was a few days post birth, by which time my baby was injured. She had to endure a lot of pain and lengthy treatment but is clear and recovered now.

bast that is really awful. Glad to hear your baby recovered though. People that cheat are so selfish in so many ways and that is just one example.

How bloody awful for her.

LDN mum - I know what you mean about not telling when pregnant but it seems that lots of men cheat when the partner is pregnant.

Sorry you were in the exact position Bast. It make me so angry