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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dilemma time. DP as just come home to tell me he's seen my best friends DH with another woman

72 replies

Supermummy74 · 21/06/2011 18:15

DP as just been into town to go to the bank and he saw my best friends DH hand in hand with another woman. I really want to tell her but DP said to butt out, she's 5 months pregnant. What shall I do?

OP posts:
Mutt · 21/06/2011 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Supermummy74 · 21/06/2011 18:47

Ok got you

OP posts:
PinkSchmoo · 21/06/2011 18:48

Jonny, think this is predictive text gone wrong and I read as said.

PinkSchmoo · 21/06/2011 18:49

SuperM, I hope I would have the guts to tell her.

Flisspaps · 21/06/2011 18:50

I'd tell her.

Katvondee · 21/06/2011 18:52

Would you want to know if you was her? And it could be innocent it fluid be this guys sister or friend

LeoTheLateBloomer · 21/06/2011 18:57

If I were to find out that my OH was having/had had an affair and my best friend knew about it I would feel doubly betrayed.

Tell her. She might not thank you for it at the time, but she has a right to know and I bet she'd rather it came from you than someone else.

Good luck.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 21/06/2011 19:07

As you personally didn't witness your friend's dh walking hand in hand with another woman, or observe their body language, I would urge you to use tact and diplomacy when telling your friend what your dp saw.

As part of one of your usual conversations, I'd say 'oh, by the way, X (name of your dp) saw Y (name of her dh) in town earlier/the other day - is your dm/mil/sis/sil staying with you?

If she says no, or asks why you want to know, simply say that X mentioned that Y was walking along with a woman that X didn't recognise so naturally you thought that one of their relatives was visiting - DO NOT MENTION that Y was seen holding hands with the woman.

A quick way to ruin a friendship is to rush in with suspicions/wild accusations about friend's dh, and in this way you won't risk putting your foot in it if there is perfectly innocent explanation.

If there is no innocent explanation, you can be sure that she'll mention the sighting to her dh which will put him on notice if he's doing anything underhand, and no doubt she'll be able to gauge from his reaction if 'something's going on'.

If she suspects that her dh is being underhanded she's likely to confide in you, at which point you can add the 'holding hands' detail without embellishing the tale.

Pumpernickel10 · 21/06/2011 19:14

I'd do was izzy says ask but be cautious as it could be innocent but I'm sure if your friends SIL was staying you'd probably know.

RantyMcRantpants · 21/06/2011 19:16

My exh had mutiple affairs and propositioned most of my girlfriends and nobody told me. I was devastated when I found out and haven't spoken to most of them since.

I would just say that your DH saw her DH in town holding hands with another lady on such a time and date and you are sure it must be inpcent like his sister or something but you thought she ought to know.

Groovymoves · 21/06/2011 19:18

Oh come on, how many grown men walk hand in hand with their sister?

Tell her, I'd want to know and would be hurt and angry if I found out my best friend knew and said nothing.

MixedClassBaby · 21/06/2011 19:43

What Izzy said. It really could be innocent. I've walked hand-in-hand with male friends and with my brother before (although not all at the same time).

swash · 21/06/2011 20:00

I think I would wait and see in this instance. Your friend is 5 months pregnant and doesn't need the stress frankly. Assume there is an innocent explanation for now.

Curlybrunette · 21/06/2011 20:04

Awful situation for you to be stuck in OP.

But what should 'Saudi' have been?

MixedClassBaby · 21/06/2011 20:09

Who's Saudi? Grin

ashamedandconfused · 21/06/2011 20:42

saudi = said

VivaLeBeaver · 21/06/2011 20:43

Keep up at the back.

Curlybrunette · 21/06/2011 20:50

Thanks ashamed!

CaramelFreddo · 21/06/2011 20:53

I would tell...you're not being much of a friend if you don't.
I would give her the bare facts and not try joining up the dots or jumping to conclusions....just tell her what you know and leave the rest to her.

AliGrylls · 21/06/2011 21:00

I wouldn't tell. Especially given that she is pregnant. There is no deception on your part and it is for the person doing the deceiving to come clean.

dizzyblonde · 21/06/2011 21:48

He might not be deceitful. I've walked hand in hand with male friends and definitely not been having an affair with them.

corriefan · 21/06/2011 21:58

I'm also dying to know what you wanted to sayinstead of Saudi! Also, I would tell her.

DogsBestFriend · 21/06/2011 22:01

I've walked hand in hand with attached/married male friends before with nothing sinister going on. I agree that it would be wise not to jump to conclusions.

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 21/06/2011 22:07

I do not understand why you would walk holding hands with a married man....Confused

I would def tell my best friend

Supermummy74 · 21/06/2011 22:13

Just wanted to update you I've spoken to her, she now knows, he's not home yet so I don't know what he's said

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