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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that the mother of DD's friend is taking the piss?

30 replies

MmeLindor. · 21/06/2011 16:46

She texted me at 3pm to ask if I could pick A up from school at 4pm as she was delayed. I replied that I would but have not heard back.

It is now 17:45 and she has neither called nor texted. I have texted to ask if she is going to be much longer.

This is the third time she has asked me to do this this month. She then returns home and does not call and let me know that she is home.

I am fuming.

OP posts:
stillstanding · 21/06/2011 17:04

I can see how juggling pick-ups for 6 DCs could get out of hand though ...

Nevertheless she does need to put some proper systems in place. Sounds like she isn't a bad person, just over-stretched and I think you need to tell (in a perfectly friendly way) what you are and aren't prepared to do.

DirtyMartini · 21/06/2011 17:05

I bet it's something like what muffinmonster has said. However, that doesn't really make it OK, it just means she's rather thoughtless & lacking in perspective as well as disorganized.

Are the dds in question quite little?

skybluepearl · 21/06/2011 17:23

i think if she is a good friend and you look after each other - than fine. my friends and i always tend to help eachother out. otherwise, you should just ignore texts/phone calls and say you have misplaced phone. i think you should let the school deal with the lateness

pingu2209 · 21/06/2011 17:33

When I was about 13 I had a friend who had lots of siblings. They all went to different private schools spread over a wideish area, but with the same pick up time.

My friend would catch the school coach and then train back to our home town, where I would then walk the 15 mins home. My friend was supposed to wait at the station for her mum to pick her up because they lived too far to walk.

A couple of times I invited my friend home to play, she would then walk back to the station for her mum to pick her up. After this had happened a few times, my friend stopped walking back to the station and her mum would come directly to my house. As a child this all seemed perfectly reasonable to me. Better than her standing outside the station in the cold/rain/snow etc for quite a long while.

However, my mum went bananas, she felt that she was being used as free child care. Often my friend's mum would be more than an hour and as hungry teenagers, we always wanted something to eat and drink when we got to my house.

Much to my great embarrasment, my mum had a huge loud row with her mother when she came to pick her daughter up from my house. The mum couldn't understand why my mum wouldn't have her daughter for an hour after school so that she could drive to the various schools to pick her other children up.

At the time I couldn't understand why my mum was so unreasonable. I didn't want my friend to be 'at risk' at the train station.

Of course now I fully understand. It was the fact the women let the arrangement develop and never bothered to ask my mum, let alone offer any financial recompense. The fact my friend's mother had deliberately chosen schools for her children and she was prepared to let her daughter wait for often over an hour at the station in all weathers. It was not my mother's responsibility to clear up the mess from another woman's poor decision making.

The reason I say this is that your friend made her own decision to have 6 children. If she can't manage the school pick ups then it is not for you to resolve her problem. If your friend is prepared to allow her daughter to sit at the school gates till 5.30 or later, then it is not your responsibility to 'save' her daughter from being at risk.

It is a hard view, but one that your friend does not seem to get.

MmeLindor. · 21/06/2011 17:47

Muffin has it, I think.

She is not doing school pick ups but often has to take the older kids to golf lessons or riding. They get the bus home or on motorbikes.

Dd's friend is 7yo and while it isn't a bother to have her here, dd had a lunchtime playdate and is simply tired. And grumpy.

We are in Switzerland and so they do just close up school and head for home. Personal responsibility is a big deal here. Many 7 yos walk home from school alone.

Will have a word tomorrow and make it clear that I don't mind in an emergency but am not always available

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