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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to restrict how much my DC eat?

84 replies

Ormirian · 21/06/2011 13:03

In particular the eldest 2 who are 12 and 14 and, not to be put too fine a point on it, are getting a little chubby?

Over the years we had got into bad food habits - too many packets of crisps and biscuits so about 5 years ago DH and I put a stop to it. The new rule was that the only thing they could help themselves without asking was fruit -assuming it waan't just before a meal. Otherwise they had to ask and could have fruit, wm toast, a sandwich, cheese, cereal, if hungry. Now that the older ones gets themselves home from school before DH and I they can help themselves. After dinner they might have some sort of pud - fruit, a piece of cake, ice-cream. And if hungry later a snack as well. Junk food such as we have in the house is kept to a minimum.

Problem is that they will eat endlessly. It might be reasonably good stuff but they eat heaps of it! I must get through a big box of cornflakes and/or weetabix a week and probably 6k of apples and bananas, monster amounts of cheese and enough bread to feed an army! Apart from anything else we are a bit short of money atm and I can't afford to keep going back to the shops every day. And of course there is the chubby children issue - I tried to explain to DD last night that whilst an apple and cheese are good for you they still contains calories along with the vit c and protein and there is a finite amount you need in a day!

I know they are growing children and they need their food but surely there is a limit to how much they need?

Help!

OP posts:

Asinine · 21/06/2011 14:40

It's good that you have spotted the weight gain, and you are on the right track. I think rather than restricting food, limiting it to certain times when you can eat until you're full makes more sense.

Skimmed milk can take the edge off teenage appetites, fairly cheaply.

We only eat at the table and once you've got down that's it until the kitchen is open again at the next meal.

breakfast Non sugary cereal or porridge. Toast. Fruit milk

Lunch Sandwich, fruit, yoghurt, water, a few crisps

Snack after school. Biscuit and milk

Dinner.Eg Meat potatoes veg pudding. Fruit if still hungry

Mine are all active, if not sporty, and a normal weight.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 21/06/2011 14:40

Not really, but for an adult, an 80g portion is considered one of your five a day, so 400g is an ideal, I guess. What constitutes too much, though, I don't know!

thumbwitch · 21/06/2011 14:42

Ah yes, but those 5 portions a day are meant to be of fruit AND veg - not all fruit.
Too much becomes obvious when they start to have bowel ishoos as a result; but probably 3-4 pieces a day is enough in general and then the same again of veg. 5-a-day is a minimum really - 10-a-day is better for your health if you can manage it.

pengymum · 21/06/2011 14:46

is it just me or does anyone else think that if money is so tight that food for kids is getting too much then surely getting a dog is rather foolish? How will you feed the dog, not to mention vets bills?
other than that I think kids should have basics available if they are hungry but not so available that they eat out of boredom. Popcorn is cheap and healthy if homemade and kids love it!

Chestnutx3 · 21/06/2011 14:58

So they do no exercises Monday to Friday I think that is the key. You need to help get them into something, they are doing far too little exercise and if they exercised they would have less time for eating.

You also tend to overeat in front of the tv so I would make sure that all snacks are not in front of the telly in the evenings that is boredom/accidental eating and your body doesn't register it.

Bonsoir · 21/06/2011 14:58

There is no "help yourself" in our house. If you want to eat or drink something, other than when you have just got in from school when you can help yourself to a glass of juice, you have to ask.

DSS1 got into really bad cereal and juice snacking habits a while back and put on weight. Since stopping, he has lost the excess.

Sidge · 21/06/2011 15:34

I think we forget that it's actually OK for kids to get hungry occasionally.

Going three hours without food won't kill them (not referring specifically to your kids OP, just generally) and I think we - as a society - have got so used to fast food, food on the go, snacking and easily-consumed foods that we have forgotten that actually we don't need a lot of that.

Even pre-teens and teens who need a fair few calories don't need to be eating constantly; if the food eaten is nutritionally dense and filling then it should last them. Carbs are not the enemy, and the right sort of carbs can provide longer-lasting fuel.

bigTillyMint · 21/06/2011 15:35

My French friends' teenage daughter who was really skinny, went on an exchange to a Canadian girls family for 3 months. When she came back she had put on 2 stone!!!!!

The Canadian family did LOADS of sport, but they ate fast-type food and lots of snacks between meals, whereas the French family eat 3 proper meals a day with no snacks.

Scary, isn't it?

Original poster

Ormirian · 21/06/2011 16:30

Just you pengy! When my DC are fighting over the last scrap of dried bread we'll eat the dog.....

And why do people keep mentioning crisps?

It's odd that we snack here - never did it as a child really. After school - the odd biscuit with a cup of tea of milk was permitted. Apart from that, nothing. I think that's the way to go.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ormirian · 21/06/2011 16:32

chestnut - any ideas for making my 12 and 14 yr old exercise gratefully received. I did wonder about installing a treadmill that powers the X-Box - might do the trick .

OP posts:

LetThereBeCake · 21/06/2011 16:33

I think the whole concept of snacking got invented by food manufacturers in the seventies. I didn't have any snacks as a kid, just three square meals. When I got bigger we had afternoon tea at 4pm, when we had a cup of tea and a couple of slices of bread and butter and some biscuits or scones.

I never give my children snacks between meals. I'm bemused at parents laden with foodstuffs to put in their children's mouths two hours after the last meal.

pengymum · 21/06/2011 16:56

:o eating the dog!

I'm with you on that letThereBeCake - all this snacking IS an invention by food manufacturers, aided and abetted by the media. It's so that they can sell all these 'added value' products: snack bars, crisps, cakes etc! Loadsamoney!

And we have all fallen for it hook, line and sinker! (Don't get me wrong, my family is as just as bad!) And the adverts that tell us we should be snacking at every opportunity! Everyone eats on the go too, which doesn't help matters!

Look at the average shopping basket today and compare it with say 20 - 30 years ago!

At the DC's school gates at pick up time, the majority of parents come armed with food of some type or another BUT we have a pretty small catchment area and most of these kids live between 10 -15 mins walk away max! You would think that surely they could wait till they get home to eat? I got grief from mine as I didn't bring anything to eat (we only live a hop, skip and jump away!) and insisted that they finish the contents of their lunchbox if they were really hungry.

Anyway back to the topic in hand: filling meals and lots of strenuous activity may be the answer. The majority of snacking in our household is down to boredom.
(hmm can't seem to get embarrassed smiley to work...)

minipie · 21/06/2011 17:08

I was never allowed to help myself as a child - always had to ask - even when I was a teenager.

It's entirely right that you, as their parent, should decide how much and what they get to eat. I doubt there is any danger of them starving if they get 3 meals a day.

fuzzpigFriday · 21/06/2011 17:17

Marking place for later. Food is such a freaking MINEFIELD! Especially when children and teens are involved... And money, and time, and... one of my DSDs is a hardcore grazer, she's 13, and it's complicated as she is only here at weekends so different rules etc... Looking forward to reading the thread later.

Although today I ran my first session of a cooking course for parents and it went perfectly :o (sorry that's rather irrelevant just wanted to throw that in...)

Original poster

Ormirian · 21/06/2011 17:22

I am currently working/MNing and growling at the DC whenever they ask for food. It's like batting away bluebottles.

I am fed up with being the fucking gatekeeper for everything in this house! Raaaahhhhhh!

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 21/06/2011 20:18

boys or girls Ormirian?

bellavita · 21/06/2011 20:22

Orm I think at that age you cannot really police what they eat - mine are 14 and nearly 12, and always hungry.

I would do a weekly shop and then that is it till the next week. If they eat everything in one go then so be it.

Original poster

Ormirian · 21/06/2011 21:40

8 and 14yr old are boys. 12yr old is DD.

Problem is that if I say 'when it's gone its' gone!' that means there is nothing left for lunch boxes either. It's also unfair on 8yr old who doesn't help himself.

I am now thoroughly pissed off. 'Can I have an apple?' 'No!' 'Please' ' No!' 'Pleeeeease I'm starving!' 'Noooo!' 'Please, just one apple...' 'Raaaaaarrgggh!'

All of you bloody perfect mothers who 'don't do snacks' please come and explain that to my kids.... please.

OP posts:

bellavita · 21/06/2011 21:58

Are they thirsty rather than hungry? Tell them to get a glass of water...

What about buying a huge bag of porridge oats, if they are hungry tell them to make porridge

dyzzidi · 21/06/2011 22:10

As a child i did not have snacks just three meals a day. Could you maybe have a huge bag of porridge oats for them to make porridge as another poster says or even do the old dieters trick of soup. Make a huge vat of veg soup which will keep for the week put lentils,barley or beans in to bulk it out and keep it in the fridge. If they are hungry tell them to microwave a mug of it. Healthy, low calories filling and cheap!

eurochick · 21/06/2011 22:23

The snack box should not include what you need for their lunchboxes!

I suspect the mothers who don't do snacks have always done it that way. It must be easier if that is all they know than trying to introduce a new regime after many years.

bigTillyMint · 22/06/2011 05:54

Orm, it will be really hard to change their routines now - eurochick said what I was about to say - after providing snack -after-snack-after-snack when they were toddlers, I got them into the current routine. Obviously if we are out / friends offer, etc, they have extra treats, but the routine is 3 meals a day with a snack after school. However, I only have a 12 yo DD and a DS of 10 1/2, so no hulking 14yo boys yet!

Do they understand about levels of activity to use up the calories? I know for a fact if mine weren't doing the hours and hours of sport, they would be well flubby Could you say things like "if you eat that chocolate bar as an extra, you need to do a half-hour run to burn it off" at least to the 14yo?

CheerfulYank · 22/06/2011 06:21

I need to start doing this with my DS, who's not quite four! He wants to eat all the time! I did put things in a "snack drawer" so that he could choose his own when it was snack time, but now he wants to get things from it all the time. And he flips out an hour before dinner or so "I'm hungry! I need a snack!" I agree with Sidge (I think she was the one who said it anyway :) ) that we seem to have forgotten that it's okay to be hungry every now and then.

borderslass · 22/06/2011 06:30

I have stopped letting DS[ASD] who is nearly 17 snacking all the time as his new meds can effect weight and he'd put quite a lot on in a short space of time, he has started eating fruit again which I don't have a problem with he is now losing this weight thankfully. His biggest problem was bread with cup-a-soups first thing he went for after he gets home from school as he is usually starving by then, he can still have the soup just not with all the bread.

mummytime · 22/06/2011 06:32

Teenagers do eat massively, they are also growing. I would also get advice as to whether your preference for a low carb high protein diet would be appropriate for them. I would be looking at making sure they have high wholemeal carb available (wholemeal bread etc.)
Also are they eating properly at school? I know one of mine doesn't which is why he is always starving at home. At junior school he ate a proper meal, now he skips food as he has better things to do with his time. If so could they cook themselves some pasta? Or could you have some pasta salad or similar waiting for them to feed themselves on when they get home?
We have also got the inactive one of mine to walk the long way to school (minor bribery, he can keep the bus fare money if he doesn't use it for buses), and having a family trip to the swimming pool.

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