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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this can't be allowed.

96 replies

mrswhiskerson · 21/06/2011 11:25

Dh has been on the sick for the past three days with a very bad stomach , his supervisor rang and left a voice message saying he did not beleive dh was Ill and implied dh is skiving until his holiday, he also threatens to ring hr and report dh for unauthorised absence and stop his pay for three weeks (sickness and holiday pay)

dh has a bad sickness record due to recurring depression and ongoing health problems but he has never skived for the sake of it . His employers know his health problems but onamy occasions have accused him of being a liar.
Am I right in thinking this is not allowed ?
The current situation is not helping his depression at all and I am really worried about him.

OP posts:

Adagoo · 22/06/2011 17:14

The Sunday thing is here nor there. If he was allowed to have Sundays off in his contract, then that's that. It doesn't matter why he doesn't work them.

He needs a copy of his firm's managing attendance policy, and to ensure that he is doing everything by the book.

Sadly OP it doesn't matter the reason for his sickness. They can get rid of him because of sickness even if it is entirely legitimate and can be proven as such. If he triggers the criteria laid out in the attendance policy then they can give him warnings etc. and then sack him.

Regarding the phone calls at home etc. I suggest that you diary them all. If they are acting outside of the stated policy then he could put in a grievance for harassment.

Original poster

mrswhiskerson · 22/06/2011 17:19

To everyone on here who has understood my situation and given me good advice thank you all so much I really appreciatate it.

Here is our plan of action

dh has been given a new anti depressant and has been referred for more counselling he is also undergoing tests for the physical symptoms .

He is also going to continue looking for a new job and he has booked a appointment with hr to discuss the bullying issues at work which are very real
and a large contributor to his mood I am sure if anyone has experienced bullying they will know the effect it can have on a person.

It is sad I have focused on the negative comments but some of the unesscessarily nasty comments made me see red and I will never ever stand by and let people be horrible about someone I love.

Fwiw dh is extremely popular with both colleugues and customers and regularly comes top in the store for customer feedback .during his sickness review he was told he would regularly be employee of the month if it was not for his past sickness record . This year he has been of twice for three days at a time due to his stomach , I made a mistake in saying he was off every six months I am confusing it with the length of time his depression lasts before it is recognised and treated. I apologise again if I have been misleading I can barely think what day it is at the minute.

OP posts:

SenoritaViva · 22/06/2011 17:21

Oh MrsW, I thought that you were hiding this thread. I just hope it isn't getting you down. I really don't see why you should be defending your DH's mental health issues.

Are you working at the moment? If you aren't, could you take some slack for the income so that potentially your DH feels less worried?

I really hope he sorts out all his issues both mentally and physically, it must be tough.

SenoritaViva · 22/06/2011 17:23

Also, I wonder whether in future posting in employment and/or mental health might give you some more sensitive answers.

justpaddling · 22/06/2011 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scheherezadea · 22/06/2011 17:27

Your DH sounds like he has made up a fantastic new religion - can I join?? One that gives days off whenever I want it, and an excuse to not have to work when I feel like, without having to do anything like pray or attend church!

What is this magic new religion, where can I sign up?!

Original poster

mrswhiskerson · 22/06/2011 17:29

Thanks peachy it is hard I love my dh more than anything and watching him in the doctors in tears broke my heart , your post has given me a bit of hope and I am so glad your dh is better .

OP posts:

MrsKravitz · 22/06/2011 17:31

I was brought up catholic too and thats a new one to me.

southmum · 22/06/2011 17:31

Sounds like hes not far off getting his contract terminated as he is obviously no longer fit for the role he was recruited for.

Probably a good job hes looking for something else. Dont fancy his chances of getting a reference though.

sarahtigh · 22/06/2011 17:35

there was a post further up about shop workers and sunday working you do not have to have religious reasons it might just be the only day your family is together. in this case it was agreeed when he took job, you can not unilaterally change someones contract without proper discussion.

The problem often is that his manager may understand and have all records but becasue of confidentiality his colleagues dont and they moght think a skiver and of course HR mamagement are not at librerty to discuss

zookeeper · 22/06/2011 17:36

He sounds as though he is being bullied and I can't imagine his supervisor is acting illegally so I hope he finds out his rights and complains.

However, I was brought up as a Catholic and have never heard that it is a requirement of Catholicism not to work on Sundays

zookeeper · 22/06/2011 17:37

I can't imagine his supervisor is acting legally

Original poster

mrswhiskerson · 22/06/2011 17:41

senoritaviva thank you for all your posts you have been one of the voices of reason on this thread I think you are lovely.

OP posts:

SenoritaViva · 22/06/2011 18:12

MrsW sorry I x posted a bit. I am really glad that you have both come up with a plan and I really do think he is being bullied, or a least inappropriately treated by his manager so good to meet up with HR. Make sure your DH has bullet points of the things he would like to raise so it isn't forgotten at the meeting. IME middle managers can be a PITA (not all of them of course, I was one (and maybe a PITA but I hope not!) until I became a SAHM) and often the HR aspect is the bit they lack (can do the job etc. well but don't understand the legalities of a lot of the less common HR policies like long term sickness etc.) Make sure your DH records all communication with manager that might be construed as bullying and what is said.

To those of you who are still going on about religion, I used to live abroad and had a job where we worked the odd Sunday. I remember a girl having heart failure because she was brought up not to work on a Sunday and thought it was wrong. She wasn't Roman Catholic but protestant. I was brought up a Christian and had never come across this belief either. I certainly didn't dismiss her belief and think it is unfair to judge others in that way. Religion and faith is more than going to your church, mass, mosque or whatever.

Peachy · 22/06/2011 18:18

Mrs W I don't know that he is better but we are in a position to manage it more effectively now. If I am right then better will be a bonus, this is enough if that makes sense?

I've come across the belief about not working Sundays and whilst it's rare to see it implemented nowadays it used to be the usual, and indeed the only day 'off' people got (some people obv, my lot agriculatural so presumably not them)

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 22/06/2011 18:33

Not working on a Sunday is not part of the Catholic religion - but going to Mass on a Sunday is a fundamental aspect of being a practising catholic (I am one) . However, if it was in the original contract that Sunday working was not required, then fair enough.

MrsKravitz · 22/06/2011 19:21

What amothersplaceisinthewrong said.

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/06/2011 19:42

sorry op but you posted this in a topic entitled "am i being unreasonable"

i say yes im afraid you are being. i am not being nasty. but you asked. i gave you my opinion.

if you want everyone to agree with you then you really shouldnt post in AIBU, as its probably not the best place.

you have backtracked considerably on the"'few months off every 6 months or so" thing, those were your words so i assumed you were being truthful.

i think, had you said your husband had one of these issues then i doubt you would have had a problem, but you have, im afraid, made your husband sound like an unreasonable man, on the one hand he is so religious he needs Sundays off, yet you admit he is not a practising catholic and he does not actually use those Sundays to go to mass, which if i were his colleague, working my share and his of the Sundays and i found this out i would be gobsmacked ) he is frequently off sick, which you have now backtracked on, and when he is at work he takes frequent breaks.

i think at some point your husbands employer would be within their rights to send him to see an independent medic for a full medical to see if he is fit for work. This has always been standard practice where i have worked if employees have a poor attendance record. Do they have an occupational health dept?

He perhaps isnt able to perform the role he was employed to do originally.That is not me being nasty, but i wouldnt want to work with your husband if i had to work more than my share of Sundays, cover for his frequent breaks and his frequent sickness, i would resent him not doing the same as other employees, this bullying, if it is indeed bullying, sounds like the management have got tired of it, and i agree they should deal with him entirely properly,but if i were his employee i would not be able to ignore it and let everyone else pick up the slack.

bruffin · 22/06/2011 19:44

Not working sundays is one of the 10 commandments, so am a bit with all the catholics on here saying it is not part of the caltholic religeon.

I can remember when all shops were closed on a sunday

MrsW, it is hard when your DH has got depression. Thankfully we have a wonderful gp who listens to DH and has got him a lot of help.
Hopefully you can find a way forward.

bruffin · 22/06/2011 19:45

religion

MrsKravitz · 22/06/2011 19:56

Technically it isnt for Christians. Jesus only mentioned 5 of the old commandments plus the new one in ?Matthew's gospel.
You shall not murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; Honour your father and mother; also, You shall love your neighbour as yourself.?
and anyway, isnt it "keep holy the sabbath" or worship the sabbath day or something? Thats just go to mass. (or even saturday if you discount the new testament)

anyway...not relevant to the employer bullying

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