to ask you if I will be alone forever, am forty, have three kids and been dumped by 'D'H

[dumpedandforty]

Title says it all really. Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life alone?

I agree with SCGB - and also, I should add, DP considers himself very lucky to have me and my kids in his life, not the other way around - he is much more "into" me than I am to him.

Marilyn Monroe said "It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone."

Thankyou Hullygully, just thought i'd share because i get so many people in RL asking me how on earth i met someone else given position i was in. I when i have to mention 'through the internet' though, especially when people raise their eyebrows !

I know loads of people in loads of different situations of different ages and they all meet people. I think not meeting anyone ever is far more the exception.

And the internet is everyone's friend these days.

I would agree, think of the internet as a large virtual bar full of people to talk to. Some you might like, some you might not. Some people raise their eyebrows at internet dating. Most of my married girlfriends are simply jealous!

SCGB hit nail on head - you will not be alone forever if you don't want to be but being alone is not a bad thing AT ALL! You are enough, love yourself - this noone to love me stuff is self abuse of the highest order. I love me, that will not change no matter who else does!

My Grab got together with her live in long term partner at the age of 75. She has never been near the internet he was a friend of a relative. He's her toy boy and a fab bloke. They have been together 6 years.

Gran even!

Just the thread I need today - 36 and newly separated. We had been together for 16 years so this is scary shit. The last thing I need is another relationship right now, but a fling is looking really appealing! I got propositioned by a 25 year old at the weekend and very nearly passed out in fear. I mean, I was sorely tempted because he was hot and I definitely need a bit of passion, but just felt a leeetle pervy

LadyBlaBlah, it IS scary being out there at first, but you will gain so much confidence and learn an awful lot about yourself. It's hard being out of our comfort zone but it's the only way to move forward.

Interesting how what's coming out of this thread is how good and honourable so many second partners are. So maybe the best is yet to come for all of you who have suffered a break up.

Prediction. Once you're back on your feet you'll enjoy singledom so much that, even when some lovely bloke comes along, you'll be far fussier & have to think very, very hard before agreeing to sacrifice one iota of your independence.

Thanks everybody for your answers. Feeling motivated to sort my own lovely self out and not stress about future loneliness. And lots of happy stories too which is always fab, especially violet and squishy's gran

Well, I'm 46, attractiveish, give or take a couple of stone , with a "lived in " face. I separated from my exdp four years ago. I have three dcs aged 9,7 and 6. The last four years have been exciting, challenging, difficult, easy, but now I am very happy.

After six months alone I started internet dating - I had about 25 dates over a year or so, most of whom were nice but not for me. Very few had issues with my having dcs - I think they expected it.

Last year I met my dp - we don't live together but he is really really lovely - he's 43 and has no children and is kind and generous to all of us with his time and support. I think he likes being able to help with day to day things that I struggle with.

I also have some close female friends who, like most people, have had their difficulties, and over the last four years I have become very close to them in a away that I probably wouldn't have been able to do had I been with somebody. I really treasure those friendships.

I don't know what I'm trying to say really - just that when I split up I felt the future was bleak but now I and my dcs are happy and positive and enjoying life. Put a smile on your face , keep going, take pleasure in small things, care for yourself and your dcs because your future is bright, even if it doesn't seem it to you now.

Thanks zookeeper, that is a really kind post.

I don't do 'relationships' myself because I reallly don't want to, but I have found, over the last three years, that there are quite a lot of really rather hot men in their 20s who like older women. So there is fun to be had, and even if you are not into casual sex, unless you are an absolute fanged warty smelly monster with no social skills, there is a likelihood of some flattering attention from people who do genuinely find you desirable. But the important thing to remember is that while it's nice to be desired it doesn't mean you owe that person anything, and you are perfectly entitled to choose not to want to engage with him/her in the least.

Any man who does not accept the fact you come with three lovely children is not the one for you ,so if a man does a runner when he hears you have kids is doing you a favour best to know from the start than get your heart broken later on.

The best thing you could do now is to do things to make you and your dc happy ,use this as a opportunity to wipe the slate clean and Start again.

Is there anything you would like to do that your ex stopped you doing? If so go for it go for anything you want , anything you do that makes you happy will give you more confidence and a happy person with interests amd hobbies is a very attractive person no matter what age .

When you have lived happily for a while on your own you will find you do not want anyone to spoil that living happily on your own is far better than being miserable with someone.

Really SGB? Hot men in their 20s who like older women? That has cheered me up more than you can imagine!

Good points MrsW, am actually feeling a lot more positive since posting here. The power of mumsnet strikes again.

I split up from my exh when I was 39 after a 21 year relationship. I had just been made redundant , I had no home and two kids.
I found somewhere to rent, found a job, got the internet, and began to live again.

I had to find out who I was again, Tigerbomb the woman, not Tigerbomb the wife or Tigerbomb the mom. My exh had constantly told me no one would have me as I was too fat, too old etc but that was his way of trying to control me. It was all twaddle. Once I stopped believing his pish, I was so much happier.

It's true what SGB says about younger men and older woman. All the men who I dated where in the early to mid 30's and I met my DH when he was 28.

He had to accept that he wasn't the only man in my life as I didn't want to be tied down, I really liked being single. I liked to have an heir and a spare

I had 3 proposals in total and none were put off by my children. I married my DH in 2008 when he was 31. We are still very very happy

Well I was 37 yrs with three young children (all under 7yrs..) split up from partner , moved out with kids and had to start all over again , skint, stressed but 2 years later I am a married mum to four (!) and he thought I was 'gorgeous' (beleive me I wasn't!) and independant and apparently a bit of catch and proposed after three months
Met via friends on Facebook
Set out on your new life with a smile on your face and your chin help high do not go 'looking' get used to being able to do what you want in your life ( well as much as you can being a single skint mum to three) and who knows what may happen .. Good Luck!