to ask you if I will be alone forever, am forty, have three kids and been dumped by 'D'H

[dumpedandforty]

Title says it all really. Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life alone?

for god's sake!!

what is it with all these women thinking they have nothing to look forward to.?

Get some perspective girls. You are 30/40 so a long time to have fun beckons

Look at me. 54, male, newly single, in need of a body transplant.

Who is in a worse position?

Seriously though. I can't speak for all the men out there. But i don't honestly think a woman having three kids would put me off.

That's why you have to take poncey's advice and lick your wounds for a year first OP. So you are feeling better in yourself. You will make much better decisions about relationships when you have some confidence back.

My friend spent 8 years on and off with losers, had four children, met and married her soulmate at the age of 40.

I'm with Poncey on this one. I could be you. I was dumped - with 2 kids and 2 dogs at 44. Got a haircut, got a new job, got divorced. Dated lots of men off the internet, providing great entertainment to my girlfriends. 3 years later I have a lovely new man in my life who I am really keen on, he calls me every day, my kids really like him.

It WILL happen, it will take time, but there are good men out there also looking for partners - I met quite a few nice men before I met my BF. Chin up

At 37 with 5 kids I got married again to a very kind and loving man who treats my children far better than their father does, so yes it can be done.

But ditch the bitch, she is no friend!

nothing wrong with spaniels. My best mate was a springer.

now that sounds weird.

Don't despair. Statistically there is a high chance of meeting someone else, if you decide that you want to

New haircut and new underwear is a good start to moving on and feeling different

My DH's sister was devastated when her marriage ended and is now with the loveliest man you could hope to meet and he adores her 2 children.

what bogey said

Thanks for happy stories fabby elasta and bogey.

Aw pleased for your SIL red. Could do with a bit of loveliness in my life.

Would you consider someone who needed a body transplant? he seems nice.

thegruffalosma, thanks for the support

I think the Op deserves someone a whole lot nicer than me.

I am damaged goods..

she deserves someone who appreciates her and her kids

Maybe after I've spent a year licking my wounds ineed

My mother was alone with 4 kids at 40 and is now beating the fella's off with a shitty stick (aged 55).
If you want to meet somebody you will, mum has been on these dating sites for a bit of fun. I don't think she's paid for a meal out in 3 years.
Lots of frogs out there but one might be a Prince.

It's all about being independent and confident. 40 is not old and there is always possible to meet someone at any age. Just take care of yourself and your kids and don't become desperate and paranoid about it. I know plenty of women with kids at 40 and older who are meeting new guys or in new relationships. It's all about confidence and independence, once you have sorted that out, guys will be a breeze.

dumpedandforty,

don't worry you will find someone. Just don't jump into a relationship with the first person to show interest.

Not all blokes think someone with kids is a waste of time. I have just finished a very long marriage(35 years). I doubt I will ever meet someone else. Not being pessimistic, or down, but at 54 I doubt anyone will be interested hence my id. But I do know that thankfully, I can do my own thing now without having to concern myself about someone else's feelings.

I honestly(and I do mean this) cannot see how a bloke would think any less of a woman who had kids. I personally don't think of children as 'excess baggage'.

Just keep positive, I know it's probably very difficult for you at the moment, but you won't be alone for long.

I so needed this thread. I'm 37 and DH has just told me he wants a separation. All my friends are just settling down and starting to have kids and I feel who will ever want a 37yr old divorcee with a 2 year old DD in tow?

At least I know I'm not alone in this!

His loss MM :-)

Dumpedandforty, don't despair, you have more time than you think. 40 is YOUNG these days. As for meeting someone else, the trick is to get your life together so that you're fine without someone - and then a) you'll care less, b) it's much more likely to happen. It just is.

Fwiw, I was on my own with two kids at the age of 42 and have now been happily married for 5 years (and my DH is the man I moved next door to after the relationship breakdown, so internet dating isn't always the answer). But you have to find other ways of being happy too. I was terrified of being on my own at first but to my astonishment I learned to enjoy it.

Don't make any big life changes (haircut/job etc) unless you really feel ready to. Just look after yourself, retreat into your home and strengthen ties with your family until you feel stronger.

Oh yes, and if you meet a man who is put off by you having kids then he is emphatically not the right man. My DH loves my kids as if they were his own - there is nothing he wouldn't do for them. And he would be the first to say that he has gained so much from them becoming part of his family - so it works both ways. Think of your children as an asset, not a liability!

I became single when i was 30, with 4 children, 2 of whom have disabilities, one severely so. Full time carer to her, so no income. Couldn't afford a decent hair cut or to spend much time on my appearance etc. Could never leave the house without my children as my ex moved 400 miles away and chose not to have contact with the children, so i didn't have anyone to look after the children if i went out (my mum would v occassionaly).
I was told by everyone i knew that 'that would be it,you'll never meet anyone else now, no one would take on a woman who can't work and who already has 4 kids, 2 with health problems'. Hate that expression 'take on' by the way, makes me
Well a year later i did meet someone (on myspace ) and a year after that we were married on a beach in Antigua, had a daughter together, and now a son (he's 6 months old). We couldn't be happier. He has a very good job and happily provides for me and all of the children (i do hope to be able to work myself at some point, at the moment i do voluntary), treats my first 4 just as he treats the two we have together and is just a very nice person.
I didn't ever set out to have another relationship, i was more than happy for it to be just me and the kids. It just happened.
So you never know, but i very much doubt you're doomed to spend the rest of your life alone. Just thought sharing my story might give you a bit more hope

I have 3 kids. I was late thirties when me and ex split.

I have a lovely new DP who adores my kids and who is just the best thing that ever happened to me.

I kissed a fair few frogs in the meantime though, and I discovered a lot about myself into the bargain.

Actually, the most important thing to remember is that if you never have a couple relationship again so fucking what? They are not essential. And it is far better to be alone than having to service a crappy man who is unkind to you, or FFS one who reminds you constantly how 'lucky' you are to have him, what with you having DC and being over 30 and all that.
The statistic your stupid friend quoted is a myth, by the way: designed to make women accept lazy, selfish ugly men because they Might Not Find Anyone Else.