Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to use dh's ex girl friends name for my baby?

55 replies

BloodyBabyNames · 20/06/2011 00:23

DH has been in 3 long term relationships.

Me, and two girls with the same name. Charlotte. By sheer horrible coincidence its one of 2 names we both agree we like for a girl.

The other was used for dd1. As I'm pregnant again (still very early days so don't know the sex) we've come back to the baby name debate and still can't think of any girls names we both like.

Now Dh was with these women for several years one right after the other, I think much to his shame with his friends he actually refered to these them as Charlotte 1 and Charlotte 2.

So with that in mind, woudl it be weird if we had a daughter and named her Charlotte. I'm thinking I couldn't care less now just like the name.. but what if I ran in to one of them with potential dd2? Would it be embarrassing? Are we over thinking it? Would you do it?

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 20/06/2011 08:59

I wouldn't. People will think he's harbouring feelings for one of the exes.

I can't believe that there are no girls names that you like besides this one.

rocksox · 20/06/2011 09:05

We had the same problem. In the end we used the ex girlfriend's name as a middle name and agreed on something else for a first name

redexpat · 20/06/2011 09:09

Could you use a different form in daily life? Charlie or Lottie?

slug · 20/06/2011 09:10

I am named for the woman my dad was going out with when he met my mum. Apparantly he suggested the name for each of his daughters and mum gave in the third time.

I've never been bothered by the fact. It's good for an anecdote down the pub.

MrsRhettButler · 20/06/2011 09:55

Lottie is very sweet....

I must admit that it's not such a problem for us because dp's ex is not from where we live so we won't get any Hmm faces. The issue is more that dp found it strange but I've convinced him that he will get over it and it's true that once our babies are here these names will become their names rather than the name of some women

mrsjohnsimm · 20/06/2011 09:59

If you are both happy with it, it's fine. I would have used the name of DH's ex-gf like a shot if he'd agreed but he felt uncomfortable with it and that took it out of contention.

millie30 · 20/06/2011 10:01

My DS has the same name as my first love. The reason is that it's also my Dad's name, who I named DS after, and I just love the name. Charlotte is nice and if you like it just go for it!

bandgeek · 20/06/2011 10:03

I couldn't use my favourite girls name for DD as it is the name of DHs ex. Was a pity but it wouldve felt too weird!

BelleEnd · 20/06/2011 10:15

I wouldn't do it. This happened with friends of mine, and when the birth announcement came through, it wasn't so much "X has had a little baby!" so much as "You will never guess what X has called her new baby..." Also, people wondered whether the wife knew about the ex (she did), and did the husband still hold a torch for the ex (he didn't). It's a lot of baggage imo.

iskra · 20/06/2011 10:16

If you don't mind then I don't see the problem with it. A couple of people might raise their eyebrows but they will get over it.

I had a friend at school who was named for her dad's ex.

Can totally sympathise with the struggle to find a second girl's name!

YellowDinosaur · 20/06/2011 10:16

I'd use it. One of my favourite ever girls names was the name of one of my dhs exes. Despite the fact that they are still good friends (she came to our wedding) and it was over 10 years since they were together he would not have gone for this despite liking the name.

Thankfuly we had boys so it wasn't an issue (and we also have lots of girls names that we both liked)

YellowDinosaur · 20/06/2011 10:18

Oha nd I bumped into one of my exes recently andhe has named his dd the same name as me. Have to say I briefly found this a little wierd then had to give myself a slap as I would have been quite happy to call my own dd (if I had had one) the name of one of dhs exes! Plus my name is pretty common now (not when I was small) anyway

Peachy · 20/06/2011 10:24

I wouldn't tbh. My ex was Daniel (engaged so serious) and by the time we had our 4th boy it was by far the name we loved best- but no. Too weird (not helped that sister married his mate).

Found a name we loved more but took ages (Sebastian/ known as Baz).

TrilllianAstra · 20/06/2011 10:29

I wouldn't do it, but that's because I would find it weird, not because I would be worried about what other people thought.

redwineformethanks · 20/06/2011 10:30

I wouldn't do it myself but it's your choice. I'd be a little surprised if you can't find other names you like.

HappyAsIAm · 20/06/2011 12:42

Friends of ours called their DD the same name as a girl who the chap in the couple had previously had a very long term longing for (but no relationship). We sort of raised our eyebrows when they announced the name of their DD in an email, but apart from that, nobody thinks anything more of it. The birth of a child negates (well, it doesn't completely, but hopefully you know what I mean) other less important things. You would never say the name of your DD and think of someone else. She just becomes the name.

TheOriginalFAB · 20/06/2011 12:44

There are so many names, really have another look through the baby book.

My ex named his child the same name as I did mine.

hormonalmum · 20/06/2011 12:48

We didnt name dd1 Lucy as that was the name of dh's ex. I would have liked it as it was my grandmothers name but dh felt he couldnt use this name as he associated it with his ex.
We agreed on something else.

Original poster
BloodyBabyNames · 20/06/2011 12:55

We had several boys names we both liked. And their were several girls names I liked last time but dh hated all of them. We used every internet site and had a big book of names. But when it came down to it.... I tentatively mentioned how much I liked Charlotte and dh admitted he did too. we Just thought it would be too weird to do it.

I think we will definitly keep it in mind and if it is a girl have to decide if we have the balls to give her the name we want to give her. Or just a name that won't raise any eye brows but isn't actually one that both of us loves. If I love a name, you can guarentee he will hate it and vice versa but we might be able to come up with something we both don't hate and think of as at least OK :(

OP posts:
AppleAndBlackberry · 20/06/2011 12:59

We did this. It's a fairly common name, we both loved it and found it hard to agree on anything else. She's nearly 2, I don't even think about it any more. I don't know if his parents were surprised but they hid it well if they were!

Original poster
BloodyBabyNames · 20/06/2011 13:00

OH also just to quickly lay the blame at dh's door. He has vetoed about a thousand girl's names. I litterally just read out every girls name from the book last pregnancy and apparently he hated all of them.

OP posts:
superjobeespecs · 20/06/2011 13:01

oh god i remember going thru names for our DS before we knew he was a boy and it was always ''dated him he's a knob'' ''went wi her she's a tramp'' ''na i went out wi a bloke once and his gf after me was called that'' ''so and so's kids called that'' ''thats supermans name huni no we cant call him that'' ''lois lane is just as bad as kal-el sweetheart'' we eventually settled on a variant of my name for a girl and a lovely manly name for our DS due october. its normal and not very popular for kids these days but a well known name :)

Original poster
BloodyBabyNames · 20/06/2011 13:03

Thanks for all the comments anyway. Nice to hear from people who did it and aren't wishing they had changed their mind especially!

OP posts:
Original poster
BloodyBabyNames · 20/06/2011 13:04

''lois lane is just as bad as kal-el sweetheart'

ha ha Grin

OP posts:
IntergalacticHussy · 20/06/2011 13:11

it's ok as long as you realise that you'll probably never completely forget Charlottes 1 & 2, they'll be there somewhere in the back of your mind. I used a name which my dh's ex and my mother share for a middle name for dd1 and even though it doesn't bother me, i'm always slightly aware of the fact iyswim.

Swipe left for the next trending thread