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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To freak out at DH over this?

35 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 19/06/2011 21:03

I might be...I'm sure you lot will let me know.

DD1 is 6 and she's going through a phase of not sleeping at bedtime...she turns her light back on after lights out and reads/messes around. I went up there about 30 mins ago and she wanted a drink...I came down and DH sai he would take her one.

Next thing I am sitting in the garden on the phone, when DD appears giggling and jumps on the trampoline saying "Daddy said I could"

He appears and says "She has excess energy and needs to ge rid of it."

I am Angry because for me, a full time parent...bedtime is clocking off time...I turn off and tune out...I don't WANT any DC appearing during my precious adult time. I work in the evenings too....so my free time is rare. During the day I am always doing activities or playing with thE DDs.

I made her go back to bed and she went. It's a school night! She has plenty of oportunity to get excersise (and does) in the day!

He said "You're so fucking boring." to me!

Am I? Or is he a bit of a twat?

OP posts:
CybilsLiberty · 19/06/2011 21:05

Maybe not a twat but a good example of undermining you and poor parenting

Alambil · 19/06/2011 21:05

he's being stupid

shakey1500 · 19/06/2011 21:06

YANBU, I would be livid.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 19/06/2011 21:06

He never said I was boring in front of her....but she KNOWS that I am strict...so he did undermine me.

OP posts:
Pictish · 19/06/2011 21:07

He's a twat. End of.

saffy85 · 19/06/2011 21:08

YANBU and this sounds like the sort of thing my DP would do. This type of logic makes no sense to me whatsoever.

messymammy · 19/06/2011 21:10

I'd be fucking livid with him.
He totally undermined you. Persevere with the bedtime routine though. As my mother reminds me, when either one of the dds aren't sleeping, it only takes two weeks to break a habit.

mumblechum1 · 19/06/2011 21:10

I think he should have an equal say in what she does, tbh.

If he was prepared to wear her out on the trampoline and leave you in peace (but only for half an hour or so), then fair enough.

Is it the fact that you were back "on duty" that's annoyed you or that he went against your wishes about her staying in bed?

Eglu · 19/06/2011 21:11

YANBU. My DH does not seem to understand that my children need a bedtime, and that I am the one who has to deal with the tired child the next day when he doesn't send them to bed at the time I ask if I am out.

Why would you let a child who is already messing you about get up and play after bedtime. He clearly wants to be the fun parent.

CybilsLiberty · 19/06/2011 21:11

But when you put a child to bed surely they should stay in bed not go boinging around outside.

Chummybud1 · 19/06/2011 21:12

Yep typical of someone who I assume is not with the kids all day. My oh done,t get it either, when I am grumpy at 10 o'clock at night cos my 3 year old is jumping on my bed. He doesnt see I have just done a marathon 16 hrs with her.

BettyDrapersWardrobeElf · 19/06/2011 21:13

YANBU I would've been fucking furious!

BluddyMoFo · 19/06/2011 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fearnelinen · 19/06/2011 21:13

Not worth rowing about. Tell him if he does it again, you will be leaving the house at 7am (or before he goes to work) and he will have to get them to school over tired and crabby.
Until he is doing the lions share of the childcare, it's your way or no way. If he wants to be 'fun daddy' he can do it outside of school hours i.e. 5pm friday to 5pm sunday. Works in this house and I am definately the most fun parent (outside of school hours).

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 19/06/2011 21:16

I fucking might do that fearnelinen except I know that he would NEVER manage to get her there on time and she would look like she'd been camping for a week!

It's the fact that he allowe her to do this when it will clearl give her a green light to be difficult again tomorrow night...he would also have let her run riot and its me who does the bulk of the tidying up.

OP posts:
joric · 19/06/2011 21:17

YANBU!! :)

schroeder · 19/06/2011 21:20

YANBU

I would freak Shock

jugglingmug · 19/06/2011 21:22

YANBU. He's been a twat IMO. One of my DC appears to get more and more energy the more tired they get. If I don't get her into bed before she reaches crazy giggly mode there is hell to pay...my DSis is the same, BIL sends her to bed when she starts talking rubbish and laughing at herself Grin

ZhenXiang · 19/06/2011 21:22

I am the working parent and would never undermine DH like this. Once a child has been put to bed they should not be allowed to get up again unless they need the toilet, are sick, fire, flood etc...

Mind you I put DD to bed and keep her there so that I can have some adult time too after a hard days work, but DH always backs me up by telling her to go to bed if she is mucking about. Friday or Saturday night might be a night where she can stay up a little later (half hour), but not to bounce on a trampoline and definitely not on Sunday night when I have to be up very early for work the next day.

Agree with Bluddy that getting a 6 year old to bounce on a trampoline will make them more hyper not tire them out.

Cymar · 19/06/2011 21:23

I agree with Bluddy. It's known that exercising can boost energy levels and bouncing on the trampoline is exercise. That's the last thing you'd want when you've just got the kids to bed.

Can you browse on the net to see if there may be a growth spurt or developmental stage she may be going through at that age?

chicletteeth · 19/06/2011 21:23

He's a fool quite frankly.
He shouldn't undermine you this way

quirrelquarrel · 19/06/2011 21:24

I'd be really angry at the nasty "boring" remark. Why does he have to be so vehement about it?

aliceliddell · 19/06/2011 21:24

YANBU. If he thinks it's such a genius childrearing wheeze, go to bed, lock bedroom door, or go to mate's/ mum's house and leave him to get on with it, and get her up, knackered & cranky, at idiot o'clock for school. He may then understand the fundamentals of sanity childcare.

PinotsKittens · 19/06/2011 21:28

I would be slicing his testicles off or something less violent.

YANBU! Furthermore, YAB a bloody good parent!

mayaswellbeme · 19/06/2011 21:29

Defo YANBU! He is being an arse!

Surely, you have had to have many conversations about this sort of thing? I had an awful time with this sort of thing from around 12 mo to 3 years with dd1. But she is now 4, and we have gone through the whole 'daddy being fun and undermining mummy's rules' to the extent that is now a non-issue. have you explained to your dh, how this sort of thing makes life 100 times harder for you?

And fwiw, calling you boring was twattish and deserves a bollocking

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