to be pissed off that yet again DS1 has been left out?

[Hatesponge]

Brief history: I split with Exp 3 years ago. We have DS2 who is now 10. DS1 who is 12, is my son from a previous partner. DS1 has never met his 'real' father, and as Exp was in his life from the age of 18 months, he has grown up calling him Dad etc, which Exp encouraged.

There were some issues when Exp and I were together, as I felt he didn't always treat DS1 the same as DS2. Since the split however things slowly got worse, culminating in last summer when Exp said he could only afford to take DS2 on holiday, and DS1 couldn't come. This wasn't true - he also paid for his GF and her 3 children to go. So he could have paid for DS1 but chose not to.

Since then, and after I told him if this continued I would think about stopping him from seeing both boys, he's behaved a bit better and made an equal effort with them. Until today when DS1 came home and said he'd been at his friends all day (had a sleepover last night). He was waiting for Exp to collect him but he never turned up, and he then called Exp's parents house (where Exp lives) who said he'd gone out for the day with DS2, GF and her children.

DS1 is really sad, and said he doesn't understand why his dad left him out, esp as it's fathers day and he thought the 3 of them would spend time together.

I've text Exp about it, however I doubt I'll get a reply. Feel v sorry for DS1 however.

God what a horrid situation to be in, it must break your heart. I wish I could give you some advise but the more posts I read the more I keep agreeing with different sides.

I think you need to sit down with exp and ask him how he feels about it all. If he still wants to act as ds1 dad then your within your rights to kick him a boot up the backside and tell him to start acting like it. If he doesnt then maybe you need to sit down and explain everything to ds1.

Your own situation aside I dont agree lying to children about who their real birth parents are. Its horrible to have a huge part of your life decided by someone else.

I agree with southStar too, you need to talk with your Ex about this, if he does not want to continue that responsibility then there is nothing you can do legally. Your Ex has a moral responsibility as he was happy to assume the father role in the relationship. There are some wonderful step fathers who still assume responsibility for their step kids, even after a break up, unfortunately your Ex sounds like a knob who is not in that category.

The op has always been open with her son, that the man who he knows as his father isent his biological one, but as he has been there for a large part of his life, its the only one he knows.

Even though It can't be easy for him he is being a bit of a twat

The sitting down and talking thing is difficult as we don't do face to face communication, because of how he was with me it's been much easier to keep him at arms length. I know sorting this out for DS1 is the priority, but I'm not even sure Exp would agree to discuss it face to face anyway, even if I was prepared to do so.

Unfortunately you might have to be honest with your ds about the situation, he might have already picked out the vibes already, as it gets worse he will probably know what's going on. Kids can be very intuitive, as they get older it's harder to pull the wool over their eyes

I'm gobsmacked that some people think that because a biological tie isn't there that it is perfectly acceptable for a grown man to drop a child he has been a dad(dy) too for 10 years, just because his blood isn't the same type. The mind boggles at this attitude.
The OP isn't asking for money for him, she is asking for a little time and consideration for a very confused child. Whatever the adults feel, these are children fgs.
OP I hope your ExP keeps his promise to your DS1.

The poor child! This man effectively was his father, he is the only father he's ever known. I don't know the legalities but he certainly has a moral responsibiltiy to the child. I can't believe anyone would think otherwise.

Biological father or not, this man CHOSE to be this boy's dad. And he owes this boy a continued relationship.

OP, I really do think that your XP should pay maintenance. Not for the money (although that is also a point), but because I think the fact he has not done so and you have not pursued the matter has allowed your XP to kid himself he has no responsibilities to his two boys. And this has made it easier for him to feel even less responsibility to your DS1.

What a fucking wanker!

The moment he start bringing your son up as his own and allowing him to call him dad he accepted responsibility for him for life IMO.