to expect to be fed at the party?

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

I'm just getting ready to go to a 'cocktail party' for an aquaintances birthday at her house. We are expected to dress up in cocktail dresses, bring spirits and fruit juices and have been advised to eat before we arrive as she doesn't want to put on food for up to 40 people. I have had a pizza so I won't be hungry but that is not the point, I will be sat with no drink OR food as I am driving (too far away to get a taxi). DH is saying we have to go NOW. We are expected to arrive at 6pm. AIBU?

Isn't cocktail hour technically before dinner e.g. about 6-8pm? A few cocktails and then go on to dinner.

Personally I'd lay on lots of canapes and a couple of easy-to-make large dishes, but I think throwing a drinks party that's literally just drinks is fair enough. And they did tell you in advance what sort of party it was.

Oh and and another thing - 6pm is a weird time to start a party! Not really daytime and not really evening. If you're going to have your tea before you go you need eat at say 5pm. If you're eating later then you won't last more than a couple of hours before you start chewing your arm off.

Pombear, anyone?

why is she having a party

I wonder if she's gone to the party

Cocktail parties should start at 6-6..30pm and last no longer than 2 hours thus enabling the host/ess and their guests to go off to dinner/theatre/home for the evening etc.

Guests are free to drop in anytime during the appointed hours and, as the name implies, there should be a choice of cocktails and highballs plus non-alcoholic options. I've never hosted a CP without providing trays of hot and cold canapes allowing 6-8 per person per hour - nor have I ever attended a CP where no food of any kind was provided.

IMO it's extremely bad form for a host to turn a few pre-prandial drinky poos into a bring-a-bottle do and, whatever the tme of day/night, I would never offer an alcoholic drink to a guest without providing a tapas or two.

The only drawback to hosting a CP is that some guests may rapidly get totally wellied want to linger past closing time, at which point the host/ess may have to don outdoorwear to convince any laggards that the party's over unless they've also reached the stage of not giving a fuck how long the jollity lasts.

There's an art to mixing great cocktails, and I wouldn't invite 40 guests unless I had professional help or an experienced dh/dp/df on hand. Sounds like the OP is off to a BYO/DIY job that could easily turn into a hard night's boozing for some, and she may have to pour her dh into the car for the return journey.

YANBU to decide not to go, but YABU for deciding not to go at the very last minute when your husband is already dressed, ready and "fired up" expecting to go. It does sound like a rubbish party, especially for the designated driver.

I think I saw more of this sort of party when I lived in the Netherlands. There it was far more normal to make invitations with defined start and end times. I find British hospitality too vague.

I think lots of people will have heard of cocktail parties cat64 - but they might not be familiar with the concept of bringing one's own drinks to said party.

cat if you are hosting a cocktail party YOU have to provide the alcohol and nibbles to go with it, not expect people to bring with them. All the person in the OP seems to be doing, is providing the venue.

It is etiquette not to stipulate to guests to bring something with them, most would bring out of matter of course.

Do you have to take your own Fairly liquid, tea towels and loo roll as well?

I'd be tempted to take any unfinished drinks home at the end of the evening.
Buggered if I'd be stocking her drinks cabinet for her.
There's nothing more annoying than having to pull DH away by his collar when it's past babysitter leaving time, you're bored, sober and he's completely arseholed.

To me it is etiquette to serve food when you invite guests to your home. It certainly doesn't have to be a meal as such . So if you were inviting people for a coffee you would serve biscuits or cake. At a cocktail party you would serve 'nibbles'.

It's not polite to ask people to bring drinks to a cocktail party IMO. That would make it a BYOB party, which can be great fun but are something different.

How was the party OP?

I have never been invited to a cocktail party so in the unlikely event of an invitation dropping through the letterbox I will make sure I eat beforehand!
As 6pm is our normal mealtime (and is for lots of people) I would have expected food to be served, and would probably have staggered home at 10pm a bit too tiddly having had nothing but a handful of peanuts to soak up the alcohol!
Still, at least the hostess did make it clear I suppose.

So how was the party then? I assume you went...

The cocktail party was better than I expected and the hostess had been shamed by her peers into proving some nibbles (crisps, sweets etc) on the night. She had gone to quite a lot of effort in providing the cocktail recipes, fruits, sugar syrups, disposable cocktail glasses, umbrellas etc.

As one of the few designated drivers, to pass the time I took on the role of cocktail shaker, and though not exactly Tom Cruise I make a mean cocktail. I learnt a lot about cocktail making and I am very generous with my spirit portions.

DH was shitfaced by 10.30pm and I insisted on taking him the 30 minute drive home then as I was tired myself, I had to get ready for a long shift at work on Sunday and I'd had enough of soft drinks and nibbles.

On Monday DH went back to work and discovered that we had left just before the drunken fighting started! The guests couldn't be arsed mixing the cocktails according to the recipes so just experimented by pouring anything and everything into jugs and bowls!

That's how 'cocktail' parties usually go in my experience! One at my house involved mates and members of my household making cocktails involving sorbet and Christ knows what dusty old alcohol out of the back of the cupboard.

There wasn't any drunken fighting at that one, mind.

I don't see what's so strange about bringing drinks to a party at someone's home. We are still drinking the wine months later if we have a party or BBQ :)

"Why do people need to eat all the time?"

If there is alcohol on offer I think it is pretty unreasonable not to offer some food even if it is just a few bowls of crisps.

Cocktails at 6pm is the norm but I would be expecting to leave by 8pm latest to go on to dinner somewhere.

I wouldn't expect to have to take drink to a cocktail party though, I'd just send a thank you note the following day, perhaps with a small floral token if the cocktails on offer had been particularly lavish. Either way I'd be returning the invitation within 8 weeks.

One should always provide canapes, no-one should be expected to drink cocktails without a little something to line the stomach.