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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to suggest no Christmas presents for adults from now on

32 replies

Georgimama · 18/06/2011 11:59

First - sorry sorry sorry for the C word. If you don't even want to think about Christmas yet, please ignore me. My justification is that some of my family are in Oz and tend to use seamail for pressies so I do actually need to have this conversation nowish if I am going to.

I have always thought it all a bit ba humbug not to do presents for the adults, but I am seriously considering suggesting to both sides that we knock gifts for adults on the head (apart from for mum and MIL and FIL). In the last five years, counting our anticipated arrival in a few weeks, my side and DH's side have produced nine children. And that is in addition to the three nephews he already had. It's not just the expense (although now I am on maternity leave that is a factor I will admit) it's the bloody hassle - no one really needs or wants anything - and yes we are lucky in that respect - so constantly having to cast about for something to buy eight adults is frankly a PITA. Whereas buying presents for children is fun.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Georgimama · 18/06/2011 12:00

Sorry also for the stream of consciousness style grammar.

OP posts:
MoonGirl1981 · 18/06/2011 12:01

I think thats fair.

You reach a point life when you have everything you need. Getting a present often means finding some more space to put it.

If someone suggested that to me I'd be fine about it.

They may also breathe a sigh of relief when you suggest it.

mumnotmachine · 18/06/2011 12:06

When I went on a career break on no pay I phoned around all family and friends who we bought for and asked if they minded us not ezchanging gifts any longer as we couldnt afford it.
Most didnt mind, it was a huge sigh of relief for most, and those who still wanted to exchange we capped at £5.

In this day and age when money is ridiculously tight for most people, any financial relief is a huge bonus.

I hate the materialism/commercialism of everything

Pumpernickel10 · 18/06/2011 12:07

We do that and always have, no presents for adults and it works.
I do buy my dad something though as he's on his own.
We don't buy nieces or nephews anything after they are 18 unless it's a special birthday like 21.

Nanny0gg · 18/06/2011 12:08

Perfectly reasonable.
We stopped doing presents for children when they became 18.
We are now on the third generation and it would be financial suicide to buy for adults.

Original poster
Georgimama · 18/06/2011 12:11

Thank you - yes now onto third generation too, DH has adult neices and nephews (his brother is much older) and they have now had 3 children between them.

OP posts:
mumnotmachine · 18/06/2011 12:14

We just stopped all in, kids and adults alike

nannyl · 18/06/2011 12:19

YANBU

no reason to buy for everyone and all their off spring for ever and ever, IMO

A lovely card, see each other (if possible, not always if on other side of the world etc) is what its about (IMO)

and then you have a bit more cash to buy your DC something they really want / need, as does everyone else for their own DC too. Smile

win win all round, and no point buying crap presents for the sake of it. I often think to myself when buying presents, "id never buy this for myself!"

Maryz · 18/06/2011 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sue52 · 18/06/2011 12:25

YANBU. I've not bought adult presents for years. It's quite liberating not to bother.

Deaddei · 18/06/2011 12:40

We stopped years ago.
That means all I buy for are my dcs and dh.
Nobody else.
As another poster says, it is so liberating.
Christmas is not then a huge shop fest, buying people you never see gifts they do not want.

mumnotmachine · 18/06/2011 12:56

We now only buy for 2 x DC me and OH, my dad, FIL and friends two DC (capped at £5)

creamymilk · 18/06/2011 13:01

I only buy for the children.
I would also find it rather cringe-worthy to recieve a gift from anyone other than DH and DC.

Deaddei · 18/06/2011 13:59

How refrshing creamy milk...I was called a tight fisted mare on one thread here for not buying crap for friends and relatives.

veritythebrave · 18/06/2011 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 18/06/2011 14:22

We did this years ago-much better.

HeidiKat · 18/06/2011 14:23

YANBU, in our family we have a rule that for couples with young kids under the age of 18 the kids get bought for and the adults don't. The kids only get presents up to the age of 18, so once the youngest in any family unit is 18 then the adults of that family get a small present as a couple.

ManicMother7777 · 19/06/2011 14:27

I don't understand why there has to be a family 'rule' - why can't people just do what they're comfortable with or can afford? We had this in our family, one of my relatives decided we didn't need anything and decided, on behalf of all of us, that we would by a goat in an african village and demanded £100 off us all. Well a few of us revolted partly because we resented that bossiness but also gift-buying is a pleasure for some. So now we have abandoned rules, money limits etc and it all seems to work OK!

LolaRennt · 19/06/2011 14:41

100 off all of you? For one goat? was it made of gold?

ManicMother7777 · 19/06/2011 14:45

I think it was an ongoing arrangement for its upkeep - sponsorship of some kind!

ConnorTraceptive · 19/06/2011 14:53

I've been trying to introduce this for years. I've been successfull with my side so far but dh's lot are big on the whole gift giving extravaganza (birthdays (gifts for non birthday siblings AND cousins Hmm ) , easter Hmm Hmm , halloween Hmm Hmm , thank you for having us over for a cup of tea gifts ad infinitum......)

I have finally got round it by booking a holiday away this christmas and will be removing ourselves from the giving and receiving process altogether ha!

I do like giving gifts when they are meaningful but the in laws system is one where everyone draws up a wish list that circulates the family and you have to tick off what you intend to buy. Noone deviates from the list, pretty soulless stuff really

PowderMum · 19/06/2011 19:50

My family also gave up buying presents for adults once all the siblings had DCI , it was quite a relief as my DB & I were really good at present buying but my DSis was awful. Still buy present for my Parents and Elderly relatives more as a thank you, but I don't expect a presents in return for me and DH just the DC.

My in-laws are still into present buying but now that all the siblings have DC we are going to suggest a similar arrangement. Especially as we are missing the celebrations this year to travel abroad for a 3-week holiday.

PicaK · 19/06/2011 20:24

I think this is fine and perfectly reasonable if there are no adults without kids.

I've never quite got over my SIL announcing that we should only get her kids a present and realising on Xmas day that that meant we got nothing

  • particularly thoughtless as she knew we were doing ivf....
Original poster
Georgimama · 19/06/2011 20:32

There are no adults without young children. DH's brother is on second marriage and second set of children so as well as the adult neice and nephew - both of whom are now parents and so we intend not to buy for them but only their children- there are 3 nephews under 15s. The only adults we propose to buy gifts for are our parents, who I think deserve presents no matter what (plus they are all pensioners, and do actually enjoy the little luxuries they get at Christmas).

OP posts:
pointydog · 19/06/2011 20:44

I think it's reasonable. The problem is that others in teh family might not agree. It depends on your family, not on mn opinion.

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