to suggest no Christmas presents for adults from now on

[Georgimama]

First - sorry sorry sorry for the C word. If you don't even want to think about Christmas yet, please ignore me. My justification is that some of my family are in Oz and tend to use seamail for pressies so I do actually need to have this conversation nowish if I am going to.

I have always thought it all a bit ba humbug not to do presents for the adults, but I am seriously considering suggesting to both sides that we knock gifts for adults on the head (apart from for mum and MIL and FIL). In the last five years, counting our anticipated arrival in a few weeks, my side and DH's side have produced nine children. And that is in addition to the three nephews he already had. It's not just the expense (although now I am on maternity leave that is a factor I will admit) it's the bloody hassle - no one really needs or wants anything - and yes we are lucky in that respect - so constantly having to cast about for something to buy eight adults is frankly a PITA. Whereas buying presents for children is fun.

What do you think?

The thing is though if people don't agree they don't all have to do the same thing do they?

I don't think its unreasonable to tell everyone that because of belt tightening you will only be buying Christmas presents for children under 18 and your parents. And say something along the lines of 'please respect the fact that this has been a difficult decision for us and don't embarrass us by buying us a present as this will just make us feel mean'. No one has to know that the real reason is that you can't be arsed and would be pretty unreasonable to ignore your wishes.

There is no need to try and stamp a family rule on proceedings when others might like to carry on as they are, but you will open the door for others to suggest the same if the wish

It's a great idea - my B&SIL came up with this about 3 years ago, it's great. Plus I had already bought SIL a gorgeous bag from Past Times so I got to keep it! I was so impressed I suggested it to my DB and now we just do parents and kids. That's more fun anyway.

I'm happy to be told that someone is only buying kids presents. I don't like to be told that I am not allowed to give a present to an adult though. DPs family have said only kids presents this year and I think, fine. I don't want a present from you that I'm only going to have to take back, but if I want to give them something, even if only a picture of DCs, I think that's up to me.
So let everyone know you aren't buying adults presents, then if they still want to give you something you can be grateful without feeling guilty.

See I disagree with your harecare.

Your situation is OK I guess if its not about the money. And if you genuinely know that the people buying presents that aren't going to be reciprocated won't be funny about it.

But if someone explicitly says that they want to do this because they can't afford it and don't want people they aren't buying for to make them feel tight by buying them a present I think it would be very unreasonable to buy one regardless

I think it's a great idea. I don't begrudge giving at all however BIL has 3 kids, my cousin has 4 and we have 1. So we buy 7 gifts in addition to 1 for our own ds which really busts us. Plus all the birthdays. I suggested last year that we do family gifts, then we only buy 2.

One of the reasons we only have one dc is because we can't afford another so I find it hard to buy for that many. Maybe that makes me selfish, sorry if it does.

the only 2 sensible options when there are lots of adult siblings;

buy only for the kids with an upper age limit

do a generous adult secret santa- a friend of mine does this with the adults in her family- they get one person to buy for- they spend £50 on one present. receiver is allowed to nominate 3 specific things they want and the buyer has to play fair and is not allowed to revert to vouchers.

they all do one big get together swap on boxing day- it sounds the most civilised thing in the world.

yanbu, we stopped buying for my 4 brothers and girlfriends (also vice versa) last year as it was getting too much for us all but I do buy for my nephews, parents and IL's. IL's wouldn't like to stop present buying on there side as they are really into present giving/receiving