To NOT want to clean my house in order to sell it

[NorksAreMessy]

we have been renting since November. We thought it was a long let, but in January, our landlord decided to put the house on the market, having failed to sell it last year. Three months, we had been here, and now who knows what will happen.
There are several problems with the house. The shower has never worked, the front door glass is cracked and could easily be pushed in or shatter, the central heating is rubbish, the under sink pipe is wrongly comnected..loads and loads of other problems NONE of which have been solved, despite phoning the agent LOADS of times.

We now have a letter saying that before we have a viewing, we should clean the windows, clear crumbs off the counters, empty bins, not feed the cat smelly food etc etc etc.

I am a bit pissed off about this, but I thought the MN jury could advise me. Obv. I will clean to a certain level, out of courtesy, but windows? Normal children's nonsense?

They are trying to sell our home out from under us, and want us to help, yet will do nothing to make the house gorgeous for us, or potential buyer.

AIBU?

I recommend kippers.

You won't lose your deposit unless it needs a professional clean on you leaving. I'd suggest you email them saying that you will honour your obligations under the tenancy, and thanking them for their polite request. Then do what the hell you want. Cheeky toads.

how about embarrassing artwork and bondage gear hanging up in the bedroom?

IIRC you can legally withhold a proportion of your rent if things aren't fixed within a reasonable timescale and they are basic essentials like a working shower or boiler. However if you need references for your next property the LL may try and find excuses to make this difficult, legally they shouldn't but the law doesn't seem to do much to stop LL doing what they want .

stink bombs

'honour your obligations under the tenancy'...I LIKE it, thanks, Collaborate

Bondage gear not readily available sybil, but I could paint some NASTY pictures and leave them in the conservatory studio

Pelvic, I genuinely didn't think of actually NOT PAYING some of the rent!
Oooh, I think I need to look into that.

Am still scared of them STEALING my HUGE deposit and STILL not doing the work they arer supposed to do. it seems like my rights are few :(

More house viewing ideas, please!

Doesn't matter what the contract says, you have the right to quiet enjoyment and you are under no obligation to allow viewings for the sale of the house. I suspect any viewings mentioned in the tenancy agreement relate to viewings to relet the property once you have given notice anyway, not viewings to sell the property.

tyler is that realio trulio legalio advicio?
Because if so, I love it, thank you 'quiet enjoyment' seems to be the exact opposite of trying to clean bird poo off the upstairs windows with three days' notice

Definately stick a massive piece of packing tape over the broken glass in the front door.
Start boiling onions now, so they smell good and sweaty in the morning.
Have a bucket of dirty washing up water by the sink and warn them not to 'kick the bucket' when they go in.
Do you have any boxes of stuff you've not unpacked yet? That broken shower could be the perfect place to store them!

amis you are my new best friend...boxes in the shower is genius! And packing tape is inspired. Still a tidy house but with really really obvious signs that the house is badly maintained.
Sneaky!:o

Leave the cupboard under the sink open and make sure there is a bright orange bucket under it.

Foxy i am getting out the bucket straight away. I love these things that are not actively BAD, but just get the point across. Unsurprisingly, they always send the estate agent for the viewings, or my DH would be doing the full gruesome tour of 'things that have never been fixed'

I am really looking forward to when we can afford to buy a house and we can tell our landlord to stick it up his orifice!

Me? Sneaky?

that boxes in the shower is FAB.

Well worth looking into all the legal ins and outs properly, how is your deposit held? It's been a long time since I rented but I thought the new deposit scheme was meant to make it harder for thieving bastard LLs to steal money from tenents things fairer.

Leave a note on the kitchen table enumerating ALL the problems. Of course, this isn't for the buyers' benefit AT ALL, but merely another attempt to get your landlord to make your home habitable.

Perhaps you could leave a few drafts around the place too.

pelvic we should really look into that. Thank you.
jux the list would cover the whole table, like a cloth!

We love the house, but a really pissed off at the amount of crappy workmanship and stuff that keeps dropping off (!)

I feel the same about mine, Norks.

Trouble is, I'm buying mine!

Could you pay a friend to stumble mock-drunkenly past the house, shouting obscenities? Then, turn into the next-door neighbours' drive and start fumbling for his keys as the viewers gaze in horror from your living-room windows?

;)

revolting ...are you busy tomorrow?
amis I think the LL sort of assumed we would buy this..because we do love most of it, but the price is stupid and he WON'T FIX STUFF!!!!

Can I suggest a combination of the ideas listed above?
Email/write to the LL ,as bogey suggested, including a list of the things needing fixed but leave a copy on the table
The boxes, tape bucket are all great ideas

Perfect!

Tell him you think the lack of maintenance is putting off buyers so he gets stuff fixed...

Then do the stinky onions/drunken neighbour style things for the next 2 years or so until he's forced to reduce the price, then make him a cheeky offer!

YANBU. Poo in your LL's manbag.

Plant empty cider tins and vodka bottles in the front garden. Lots thereof.

I should just add, if you are a BAD tenant, the landlord will want to give you glowing references, to get rid of you......