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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IAMBU but im grumpy about it

45 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 18:35

my friend is irrationally doing my head in -

back story - she's a nice girl, same age as me - she conceived her baby while she was the OW (he has gone back to his wife and wants nothing to do with her or baby)

she is now living on benefits, infact she moved to a bigger house (3 bedrooms) as she knew she was entitled to claim more money for it, she's given up work and decided not to go back (this isnt a debate about SAHM) because she doesnt need to go back, because she's bloody well off on her benefits, her disposable income is loads

This was all fine, I thought it was fine, except she now has a new partner, who is always staying at her house (they met online 6 weeks ago)

so, I suppose im irrationaly pissed off, this week shes been out for dinner twice, paid a baby sitter for those evenings - had her tattoo touched up (which was £40) bought a pair of heels for £80 to go out in tomorrow night, and when I popped in earlier, the sky enginer was there, putting in her sky HD to her new TV - she seems to be leaching money

why am I so irrationally fucked off, and AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 18:36

I'm putting on my oven gloves and standing well back...

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 18:36

god im judgey

OP posts:
ILoveYouToo · 17/06/2011 18:38

Um.... she wouldn't get housing benefit for a three bedroom house.

As to whether YABU... hang on, just let me get my popcorn....

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 18:43

she is getting housing benefit

back when I was feeling sympathtic I helped fill out the forms

OP posts:
joben · 17/06/2011 18:43

I think she could get HB for 3 bedroomed house if she has kids. I rent out a 4 bedroomed house and my tenant (recently made unemployed) gets £1000 PCM HB for her and her two daughters to live there

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 18:46

if she only has one dc then she would only be entitled to whatever the local authority's limit is for a 2 bedroomed house. the amount is based on what local letting rates are for a 2 bed. in my area i am entitled to £102.50 for a two bed and that is with two dcs of the same sex.

tallulahxhunny · 17/06/2011 18:47

She will only get housing benefit to cover the rooms that she needs, it doesnt matter what sized her house is, if she is entitled to 2 bed then that is all she will be paid for.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 18:48

oh, and could you give me some tips on how to smile breezily at her while she brags heartlessly about how amazing her life is talks to me?

OP posts:
tallulahxhunny · 17/06/2011 18:49

why are you even bothering with her if you dont like her?

StrawberriesAndScream · 17/06/2011 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner · 17/06/2011 18:49

But she has to pay HB over as rent. it's not pocket money.

This tale of disposable income galore whilst on benefits doesn't really add up.

Why am I even getting involved..... Sigh.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 18:50

I do like her, well, I did like her - we werre good pals, I really wanted to be there for her when her man buggered off, but she just exhausts me

OP posts:
StrawberriesAndScream · 17/06/2011 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tallulahxhunny · 17/06/2011 18:51

I think OP sounds a bit pissed that her friend has got a new bf/life tbh , I'm sure ive read this somewhere before

pink4ever · 17/06/2011 18:52

Shop her. I would. I know on mn the first rule is though shalt not judge but the amount of people on here who try and deny there is any such thing as a benefit scrounger-sheesh!. I know loads(many in my own family) who have never worked and yet have a better lifestyle than I do. Fecks me right off. Yep shop her asap.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 18:53

im not jealous of her new bloke, pissed off probably that ive just been dropped like a sack of shit now she has a new mug taxi, cook etc :(

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 18:57

if her situation is as you say then all she will be getting to hand is income support £67.50 per week, CTC £52.something per week, CB £20? per week. that is to feed her, pay all the bills (electric, heating, gas, water, phone), clothe herself and the child, travelling expenses etc.

is it possible the new boyfriend is paying for the tattoo and nights out?

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 18:58

shop her for what pink? Confused

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 19:01

"so, I suppose im irrationaly pissed off, this week shes been out for dinner twice, paid a baby sitter for those evenings - had her tattoo touched up (which was £40) bought a pair of heels for £80 to go out in tomorrow night, and when I popped in earlier, the sky enginer was there, putting in her sky HD to her new TV - she seems to be leaching money"

so why mention all this about the money when it's really about her spending more time with her new man?

GrownUpNow · 17/06/2011 19:03

Sorry, but sounds like she's getting into debt or getting funded, I couldn't afford all that and I am a single mum on benefits.

In a three bedroomed house, she'll only get enough to cover the bedrooms she needs. When my exDP left the house, I had to find at least £100 extra a month on too of HB to pay rent. After that and bills, I had enough to live on, a modest income, which I topped up with a credit card and overdraft to buy clothes and pay for nights out.

Both of which I now regret and am paying back slowly, whilst also budgeting to within an inch of my life

GrownUpNow · 17/06/2011 19:04

And BooyHoo, I think she probably means claiming single parent benefits whilst having a partner living with her.

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 19:06

is he living with her though? what does 'always staying at her house' mean? it could be every weekend or it could be every night. OP hasn't said that he is living with her so i'm not sure what tehre is for pink to be shouting 'shop her' for.

pink4ever · 17/06/2011 19:09

I thought the op was implying that her new dp was living with her?. In which case that would affect her benefits surely?.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 19:11

last week he stayed thur, fri, sat and sun - and he's there tonight

the meals out this week werent with him, they were with friends so doubt hepayed for them

OP posts:
LineRunner · 17/06/2011 19:13

Crikey, how do you know all this? You must still be joined at the hip, to have that level of detail about her life, i.e. very close. She must trust you a lot?