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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I know IAMBU but im grumpy about it

45 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 18:35

my friend is irrationally doing my head in -

back story - she's a nice girl, same age as me - she conceived her baby while she was the OW (he has gone back to his wife and wants nothing to do with her or baby)

she is now living on benefits, infact she moved to a bigger house (3 bedrooms) as she knew she was entitled to claim more money for it, she's given up work and decided not to go back (this isnt a debate about SAHM) because she doesnt need to go back, because she's bloody well off on her benefits, her disposable income is loads

This was all fine, I thought it was fine, except she now has a new partner, who is always staying at her house (they met online 6 weeks ago)

so, I suppose im irrationaly pissed off, this week shes been out for dinner twice, paid a baby sitter for those evenings - had her tattoo touched up (which was £40) bought a pair of heels for £80 to go out in tomorrow night, and when I popped in earlier, the sky enginer was there, putting in her sky HD to her new TV - she seems to be leaching money

why am I so irrationally fucked off, and AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 19:15

she jusat brags, and I sit and stew...

OP posts:

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 19:18

my EXP would still pay for me to have dinner out with friends. and he would have done it while we were together. i dont think you can assume anything TBH. maybe he is keen to impress her so he is splashing teh cash to look generous.

DialsMavis · 17/06/2011 19:19

I echo what other have said she will only be given the going rate for a place with the number of bedrooms she is entitled to by HB. The extra she will have to stump up herself.

GrownUpNow · 17/06/2011 19:31

You're not supposed to have anyone like that overnight at all I thought. Not on a regular basis.

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 19:37

anyone like what?

GrownUpNow · 17/06/2011 19:43

Boyfriend-y. As far as I am aware.

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 19:45

if he isn't contributing to the bills/rent etc then it is no different to having a friend/sister/mum stay.

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 19:46

i doubt anyone would be saying 'shop her' if OP mentioned her sister stayed all the time.

GrownUpNow · 17/06/2011 20:01

Oh yes, I know this very much. But for some reason you are not allowed a live in boyfriend when you are a lone parent on benefits, and the definition of live-in is both vague and uncertain. The joys of being a single parent.

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 20:11

how scary! so i could have a boyfriend (i should be so lucky )stay every saturday night and because it was regular he woudl be considered live-in?

GrownUpNow · 17/06/2011 20:18

Think so.

DialsMavis · 17/06/2011 20:33

No, the way they would look at it depends on a lot of things. It isn't as simple as the no. of days he stays ( I previously thought it was either 3 or 4 nights a week). They would look at the no. of nights said boyfriend stayed and also if he contributed to the household and also his permanant living arrangements

LineRunner · 17/06/2011 20:36

If the boyfriend has his own address, pays his own bills, is on the electoral roll at his own address, for example.

cjbartlett · 17/06/2011 20:41

They've only been together six weeks! Hardly regular is it!

Triathlete · 17/06/2011 20:50

Fcuking hell. Tattooed, philandering benefit scrounger, shacked up with a bloke she met online 6 weeks ago. Do you really need people like that in your life?

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 17/06/2011 20:53

Triathlete are you being serious ? I can't tell

OP posts:

BooyHoo · 17/06/2011 20:55

aswell

Triathlete · 18/06/2011 17:01

Yes I am being serious. You said it yourself:

"she conceived her baby while she was the OW" She got pregnant from someone else's husband.

"she is now living on benefits, infact she moved to a bigger house (3 bedrooms) as she knew she was entitled to claim more money for it, she's given up work and decided not to go back ... because she doesnt need to go back, because she's bloody well off on her benefits, her disposable income is loads" She's taking the system for a ride. It's supposed to be a safety net, not a lifestyle.

"This was all fine, I thought it was fine, except she now has a new partner, who is always staying at her house (they met online 6 weeks ago) " I'm sorry, she's introduced her kids to someone she met online 6 weeks ago? Anyone heard of being a role model? Giving some stability and good examples?

"had her tattoo touched up (which was £40) bought a pair of heels for £80 to go out in tomorrow night, and when I popped in earlier, the sky enginer was there, putting in her sky HD to her new TV - she seems to be leaching money" Nice set of priorities there, as you yourself recognise.

She doesn't sound like a nice person.

darleneoconnor · 18/06/2011 18:17

she's either raking up debts, getting maintenance or her boyfriend's paying

create · 18/06/2011 18:36

Doesn't the baby's father contribute?

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