To stop cooking dinner when childminding

[Littlepurpleprincess]

I have been a registered childminder for about 2 years now and I've always offered a cooked meal at the end of the day (5pm). DH, DS, me and the mindees all sit together at the table. I do a meal plan for the month so parents know what I'm cooking and a have a healthy eating policy.

It's usually along the lines of spag bol, macaroni cheese, stews, casseroles, sausage and mash.....basically it's your typical home cooking.

However, I have several children who refuse to eat their dinner, or have awful table manners, or prefer to graze (ie eat what they want, when they want). I feel the parents aren't really on my side, and aren't that bothered about getting their kids to sit at the table and eat a proper meal each day.

Everyday I talk to the parents and I'm always honest about how the children have behaved at meal time and how much they've eaten but I know that the parents then go and feed them junk food and treats straight after picking them up.

Would I be being unreasonable to say I am no longer offering a cooked dinner due to lack of demand?

As a parent would it put you off a childminder if they didn't offer Dinner?

I will provide a healthy snack for children after school, and I will continue to offer breakfast and lunch, and healthy snacks throughout the day for the little ones.

Dinner time atm is really stressful. DH and I are tired of it and DS is beginning to copy some of the unwanted behaviour. I feel its important for families to sit together and eat at the end of each day but right now we are missing out on that. Is it selfish to want it to be just family at dinner time?

i pick my dd up at 6pm from nursery and we then have an hour commute to home so we don't get to eat until 7pm. I would LOVE the nursery to provide a proper meal at 5ish instead of snack at 4.30pm. But I honestly wouldn't expect it. I'd say offering a snack around 4.30pm is just fine - that should tide the kids over who have a longer journey home at 6pm.

You say that the parents are undermining you by giving them food after they leave you, so the children do not feel that they have to eat your food, have I understood correctly? What do you want them to do? Would you prefer that they say to their children "no, you didn't eat OP's food, so you can go to bed hungry" and send them to bed hungry every night that they don't eat your food? Or do you want them to reprimand the non-eating child before they leave your place? I am just trying to work out what you WANT the parents to do, as it isn't clear from the thread.

Also, I would be fine if you didn't do a cooked meal, but i wouldn't be keen if you were to just replace it with cake as you suggest, although the children would probably love it! (muffins, bran loaf, banana cake) Fruit yoghurts are also pretty full of sugar, so more of a dessert, really. How about sandwiches, carrot and cucumber sticks, hummus, cherry tomatoes, that kind of thing?

I agree lisianthus. The OP has said that the parents are buying ice cream on the way home but she could have the same problem if they were giving yoghurt and fruit when they got home - if the kids preferred that to the cooked meal they might just wait.
I was also a bit at the suggestion of yoghurt and cake for tea - particularly after the ice cream criticism but if the OP can only get the kids to eat sweet things then a banana cake is probably (marginally) better than ice cream I suppose. Even if cakes are homecooked they still contain sugar usually though. I wonder what the response would have been if the thread was titled 'AIBU to stop cooking tea for my mindees and give them cake every day instead!'.

Sorry if anyone has already suggested this but my Dd's after school carer charges a standard fee for the childcare with the option of a meal which is paid for separately. The children who have booked in for a meal eat with carers DC and carer eats later with her DH. Children not booked in have a drink but stay in the other room. My DD's carer says most end up wanting to eat but the split arrangement works as all children are school age and the ones not eating play games with each other. I think you are being taken for granted a bit.

Sandwiches/ fruit for all sounds good too!

Can I suggest that you minimise the after-school snack? My dds (age 7 & 5) are far less inclined to eat supper if a) it's served before 5.30 (I think they seem to naturally want to eat later by school age) and b) they have just fruit and one biscuit when they get home.

Apologies if no longer relevant to discussion or if this has already been suggested, I haven't had time to read the whole thread but I've noticed the last few posts have tangented a bit...

Sorry meant to say they are less inclined if they have more than a piece of fruit and one biscuit.

I remember being absolutely starving when I came home from school, would eat huge amounts, then not want any supper! I was a bit older then, but I guess same rules apply.

I agree- meal or just fruit and drink maybe? *ditch th sandwiches :)

Can't go through whole thread but think you are being entirely reasonable. A parent who gives a child ice cream for breakfast is unlikely to change crappy eating habits whatever you do or don't do. Nor do I think someone who works dam hard for £3.50-5.00 per hour should be charged with altering a child's behaviour whatever EYFS says. You can support parents but parenting is um, a parents job.

I need to put my 4 yo in full day care one day 0800-1800 and am concerned because the CM doesn't offer a hot meal at all, ever. She is fine for after school and the odd holiday week but I think 4 is too young to cope without any hot food. DD has another CM who does a hot lunch a couple of times a week (she charges extra for it) which I think is ideal.

I think you sound like a nice CM and some of your parents are a bit misguided.

Just to clarify, I would be offering HEALTHY food at tea. Home-made bran muffins and banana loaf are healthy, I make them myself so I control how much sugar goes in, I buy natural yoghurt not petit Flo crap. Yes it would be sandwitches etc. Can you trust that as a qualified proffesional I have a good understanding of nutrition?

I don't really see how many of your posts answer my original OP thegruffalosma, I am just trying to do whats best for the kids but all you are doing is picking apart my comments and attacking me for it. I'm not here to defend myself, i just want to know, If your childminder stopped offering a cooked dinner at the end of the day, would it be a massive inconvenience to you?

I am still offering a cooked a meal but at lunch time instead. I will offer a lighter, healthy tea after school, I will provide a healthy snack mid morning and mid afernoon. Does this sound like a good eating routine?

I still wouldn't be keen on muffins/banana cake every afternoon, as I see that kind of thing as an occasional treat, not an every day thing. I did assume that you made them yourself, though. Plain yoghurt would be fine with me as would sandwiches, fruit, hummus, carrot sticks etc, to answer your question as to whether I as a parent would be OK with this rather than a "hot meal". I'd actually prefer it, as if my child ate a heavy meal at your place, she probably wouldn't eat her dinner once she arrived home.

Anyway, could you let us know how the parents were undermining you? What was it you wanted them to do that they are not doing?

I've answered the question. Cold bits for tea sound like a great idea - but not cake every day. Homemade banana cake would be fine for a once a week treat imo but absolutely not every day and I don't think you can criticise 'ice cream mum' if you think cake is fine every day - homemade or not they don't need added sugar like that apart from for a treat when they can have plain yoghurt and fruit. That is my opinion - sandwiches, carrot sticks, fruit, yoghurt etc all fine. Cake everyday not fine. It may be that the parents of your mindees won't mind but I certainly would.
And yes I pointed out how judgey and hypocritical some of your posts sounded, as did others, because they did. And I still maintain that I don't think you can put all the blame on the parents if you struggle to control the kids behaviour. And that you have a bit of a cheek criticising the parents for offering junk food when you think it's a good idea to have cake with tea every day!

At what point did I say they would have cake everyday? I gave an example thats all. You've picked fault with everything I've said and now your making stuff up to pick fault with.

Lisianthus, I feel it is undermining me to feed a child biscuits on the doorstep seconds after I have explained that they refused any food I offered at tea.

But you did sound judgy.... as if, "oooh if they left their children with me 24/7 they would be able to sit at the table, not jump on furniture & maybe even eat my dinners..."

But, the fact is, you didn't stop them jumping on your sofas, you didn't insist on them sitting at the table... and as for not eating your dinner, I dunno - maybe they would just rather have had ice-cream that day Many a day I would rather have half a pack of choc digestives than a dinner.....

ach anyway, whatever way suits you, I hope it works out x

as if, "oooh if they left their children with me 24/7 they would be able to sit at the table, not jump on furniture & maybe even eat my dinners...

That's not how I feel at all and I'm sorry if it came across that way.

But, the fact is, you didn't stop them jumping on your sofas, you didn't insist on them sitting at the table...

That's exactly what I have done thanks, and I've already said that.

I have made my decision and think it's in the best interest of the children, and my family, so thankyou for the advice/feedback. Everyone (even the people arguing with me ) agree that a light tea is the way to go, that's what I'll do....

I think that if the kids are being picked up at half 5 then there is no onus on you to provide an evening meal.

However, if I had a CM who did after school care and provided an evening meal for a tenner I'd be in clover!!!

My DS2 is non fussy and has good table manners...when can I sign him up?!!

Another thread turned into an argument. OP.. You're right.. And a light tea good way to go :)

Thanks

It doesn't seem to matter what the OP is about someone will use the word "judgey", I really ought to learn to ignore it.

You admitted you were judging yourself!