To stop cooking dinner when childminding

[Littlepurpleprincess]

I have been a registered childminder for about 2 years now and I've always offered a cooked meal at the end of the day (5pm). DH, DS, me and the mindees all sit together at the table. I do a meal plan for the month so parents know what I'm cooking and a have a healthy eating policy.

It's usually along the lines of spag bol, macaroni cheese, stews, casseroles, sausage and mash.....basically it's your typical home cooking.

However, I have several children who refuse to eat their dinner, or have awful table manners, or prefer to graze (ie eat what they want, when they want). I feel the parents aren't really on my side, and aren't that bothered about getting their kids to sit at the table and eat a proper meal each day.

Everyday I talk to the parents and I'm always honest about how the children have behaved at meal time and how much they've eaten but I know that the parents then go and feed them junk food and treats straight after picking them up.

Would I be being unreasonable to say I am no longer offering a cooked dinner due to lack of demand?

As a parent would it put you off a childminder if they didn't offer Dinner?

I will provide a healthy snack for children after school, and I will continue to offer breakfast and lunch, and healthy snacks throughout the day for the little ones.

Dinner time atm is really stressful. DH and I are tired of it and DS is beginning to copy some of the unwanted behaviour. I feel its important for families to sit together and eat at the end of each day but right now we are missing out on that. Is it selfish to want it to be just family at dinner time?

littleprincess 15 mins for a child especially a young child with SN is very hard, well saying that dd NT friend of the same age can't sit at a table for more than a few mins. I found as she is getting older and her understanding is getting better things are improving. She can eat with a spoon and fork but not a knife and fork like we do. I have dyspraxia and dyslexia and I was about 11 by the time i could hold a knife and fork properly. I do come down hard on the junk if dd does not eat most of her dinner she does not get a treat. There is no harm teaching and just because my dd has SN does not mean she has to be devoid of manners, I do come down hard on her if she is rude to people.

You sound lovely and I would stop doing it.

I wouldn't ask them to sit for any length of time that they are not capable of. These kids can sit at the table and eat nicely.

I am not asking for them to be perfect but telling me that "it smells disgusting and looks horrible" is outright rude and I won't accept it. And I am very cross that her reward for that today was a party ring and some pringles.

The child with SN is another matter and it's not her that I am refering to.

Unless they have SN they can sit still at the table-they just have never been expected to do it at home. I wouldn't accept them being rude-they can obviously say it at home-some parents don't realise how letting their DCs get away with things makes them unpleasant to be with.

That is rude, I would never put up with that from dd not that she says things like that which I am grateful for. My dd friend (the nt one) his parents are very soft on him, and therefore he can be rude and quite aggressive especially towards dd, hitting her on the head, and snatching toys from her. In fact she is much better behaved than some of the NT children in her preschool.

It's not just food either, they jump on the sofas, run and scream in the house, constantly tell tales, exclude other children...it seems that kids aren't taught any respect anymore, for adults, or other children, or for other peoples property. I would't have spoke to an adult like this when I was child, especially one that had just cooked me a meal. I would have said thankyou!

I feel sad that we could be having fun but instead I'm just 'managing behaviour'.

That is littlepurple, I know as we do have some of dd friends round from preschool and one friend flooded our bathroom, we know it was her as dd cannot turn taps on, and trashed the house, toys everywhere.

The parents did not even tell her off, I would have been livid if that was my dd

Change into the Littlepurpledragon! I would sit them down with a list of rules-tell them that they are going to stick to them.(have a reward system for those that manage them)

TBH - scanning other replies - my childminder was an absolute godsend, all those years ago, (just like you sound as it happens!) because children generally behave better for non-family members than their own immediate family - and I wholy hold her responsible for the fact that my children can use cutlery properly - and did so from a very young age - because she insisted upon it! Not that I didn't insist upon it, however I was working long hours and she was in loco parentis.

One thing I am strict upon (or was until my children became grunting teenagers who have a hermit like existance in their bedrooms!!!) was no matter the food, it is eaten at the table - even a sandwich - and not scoffed wandering about.

Absolute pet hate of mine is people eating on the go.

I worry that i come across as REALLY strict, and grumpy. And I worry even more that I come across as not liking a particular child and I feel ever so guilty. I do like her, shes a sweetie when it's just me and her but she's nasty to the other children and she targets DS which makes it hard to be detached and fair (DS can be a pain, I'm not daft).

LPP, I too am a cm and I couldn't agree with you more!
I expect good, respectful behaviour and for me to be backed up by the parents. It's all there in my policies. I cook practically everything from scratch, give a wide, varied and healthy diet and expect children to at least try things without complaining. I've put little boards up in the playroom with each child's name at the top and ".......... has tried:............" and give rewards.
My own dd is older than the children I mind, so any bad behaviour doesn't affect her as much as she knows it gets short shrift.

Stop cooking the dinner. It sounds as if it's thoroughly stressing you out, and with everything else that we manage on a daily basis, and the likely response from the parents, it really isn't worth it.

I feel for you CM - the parents are doing their DC no favours by offering them junk food and treats after they get picked up if they haven't eaten their dinner properly. Are you sure, btw, that the parents are giving them junk/treats afterwards?

Anyway, our CM is very strict with our DD to ensure she eats her dinner properly and at the table and I've never undermined those efforts with snacks. Fortunately all our joint efforts have paid off.

I collect my DD at 5.30-ish and we're home by 6 but she's so shattered she's in bed by 7 so there is no time for dinner. I rely 100% on my CM to provide dinner so no dinner would be a deal breaker for me.

But YANBU in your position.

I am so glad and relieved that you agree. I was starting to feel like the wicked witch of the west....

No, you sound like a fab CM with some very strange parents. Ice cream and crisps at 7.30am????!!!!

Yeah I think shes trying to be The Best Nicest Parent In The World but parents aren't nice, parents are responsable. I also think that she is scared of her DD's reaction if she says "no". She often says that "I bought her this because she cried and cried in the shop".

The child never throws temper tantrums for me, funny that.

I am supposed to be starting to do a newsletter every few months so I might put a polite notice in the first one about 'unhealthy' snacks, requesting that children do not bring them and reminding parents that a healthy breakfast will be served at 8am.

I would tell them that you are prepared to heat a healthy meal if the parents send it - emphasising the 'healthy' and your healthy eating policy. Then they will either feed the children at home or send a meal. If they do send their own food I'm sure the parents will encourage their kids a lot more to eat it if they've paid for it/prepared it themselves.
But I would be peeved as a parent if food was included in the price and then suddenly wasn't - and the 'I was going to put my prices up but now I'm not' would make me a bit but it depends on what other childminders are available locally and what they charge as to whether it will annoy people enough for you to lose custom.
Just wanted to say as well that I don't think a very young child saying 'I want I cream' to their mum is particularly rude tbh - only mentioning it as you've said you worry about seemingly overly strict.

I would be inclined to make a cooked lunch and offer a sandwich/snack tea. IME as a childminder the end of the day is really hard, as everyone is tired and with parents arriving at different times to pick up it is hard for the mindees to settle. Take the stress off yourself and enjoy a family meal after the mindees have gone home. If you cook a large quantity for your family evening meal you could use it for the lunch the next day, and save yourself prep time as well.

Thegruffalosma I do think that shouting "I want ice cream" is rude for a nearly 4 year old child and I would ask her to say please. I would also ask if she had eaten her dinner before saying yes.

Sorry - as you put 'I cream' and talked about minding babies I assumed you were referring to a young toddler.

My DS is only pre-school age but he has never eaten a proper cooked tea. At nursery he has a cooked lunch and they provide a picky tea - sandwiches, fruit, carrots etc. That way they can eat what they want and leave what they don't want. Maybe try that?

She has a speach delay so she comes across as very young BUT she does have lovely manners most of the time (shes even complemented on it when out and about) so she is capable of asking nicely, for whatever reason she doesn't apply it to food. I don't think this is part of her speach and conprehension difficulties, I think it's because she is allowed to eat whatever she likes. Even if she was a toddler I would remind her gently about saying please before saying yes.

Anyway, I have gone a little off track. I think I will stop offering dinner but offer a snack straight ofter school (something along the lines of fruit, yoghurt, banana loaf, bran loaf, a healthy muffin...)

That sounds like a fine tea for little ones anyway. Just tell the parents that due to a lot of wastage you'll just be offering the above so the kids can just have what they want. Makes a lot more sense when catering for multiple kids/tastes. I would certainly be happy with that.

EricNorthmansMistress My dd was like that when younger too - she ate well and loads at lunch but was too tired later to eat much and I often served something snackier later. But agree the OP is NBU. I use a childminder and she has changed routines/procedure where they have been affecting her family life, and it seems only fair - it is her home, after all, and she can choose the service she offers.

You do actually sound great, and hard to find.

My lad had 4 childminders, and was generally fed, chicken nuggets, spagetti, beans ect.

Although the 2nd childminder, he went too. Over a couple of weeks, I went into him eating a pot noodle, a fried egg. And at one stage A Bob the Builder Hammer which was full of those little coloured sweets. At this stage he was 18 months old. And I couldnt believe what she was feeding a 18 mth old child.

He wasnt there for long after that