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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that I have only had 3 rsvps to my DS party...

62 replies

HowAnnoying · 15/06/2011 21:07

one of which is a no!
I gave them to nursery on Tuesday and thats all I've had. I'm feeling really bad, and keep checking my phone every bloody 5 minutes. What will I tell him if I have to cancel?

OP posts:
vigglewiggle · 15/06/2011 21:27

'Reserve List' for a child's birthday party - are you serious Shock?

ceebeegeebies · 15/06/2011 21:28

Why Shock - there are 40+ children in DS1's class and obviously he couldn't invite all his friends as I have had to limit the numbers....so if a couple of people say no, why should I not invite some more of his friends to make up the numbers??

redexpat · 15/06/2011 21:33

That's more than I got for my wedding. Chin up.

TidyDancer · 15/06/2011 21:34

I think the general consensus is that the whole class should be invited to big birthday parties, ceebeegeebies. I'm guessing that's what the Shock was for. It's a bit unconventional to have a reserve list.

vigglewiggle · 15/06/2011 21:34

It just seems very involved for a child's party. Why not just invite who they want to invite up to your limit and then rejoice at the reduction in numbers when some decline Wink.

vigglewiggle · 15/06/2011 21:36

No - blimey - I was in no way implying she should invite the whole class!

ceebeegeebies · 15/06/2011 21:36

Do you really think it is realistic to invite 40+ children to a party?? I would be bankrupt fgs!! I have limited DS1 to picking 10 friends (the other 5 are DS1. DS2 and a few other non-school children) so don't see why it is unusual to have a 'reserve' list.

Anyway, I didn't mean to hijack this thread.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 15/06/2011 21:37

Lolol OP, you loon! Wink

The party's in July? Give it at least another fortnight before you post again about this in AIBU.

It'll be fine :)

TidyDancer · 15/06/2011 21:38

No, I don't think it's realistic at all, I was just giving a perspective. No bleeding way would I invite 40+ children to a party! I haven't gone grey yet and I don't want to anytime soon! Grin

wineisfine · 15/06/2011 21:42

In my experience you'll get most RSVPs in the couple of days before the party!

We had a ginormous party for DS1's 7th - local leisure centre thing with a 'playzone'. Had about 10 rsvps until the monday before the (sat), party and there was a flurry, and then on the day people who hadn't rsvped at all turned up.

Tell you what though, never again!

MirandaGoshawk · 15/06/2011 21:43

I bet nearly all the invitees turn up. Why wouldn't they? Too many party invites for that day? Hmm Mums always too many distractions which stop them from being organised. Chill. You'll have to act all cool on the day when peole you invited a month ago and haven't heard from just breeze in.

tigercametotea · 15/06/2011 21:44

Some people don't RSVP, they just turn up on the day. Others RSVP to say they are coming, and then don't turn up. Happened to my DD's last birthday party. I gave out invitations 2 weeks before the day. Was a bit worried at first but on the day itself had a pretty good turn-out despite not all of them RSVP-ing in the first place. Give it a bit more time. The RSVPs will start trickling in.

Lindax · 15/06/2011 21:51

would wait until a lot closer before the party before asking.

IME (as a host and observer at other parties) there are so many full class invite type parties that people take their kids to them if they have nothing remotely better to do arent doing anything else, so people don't decide whether they are going till the last minute.

for nursery invites found the best way was to nicely ask the nursery closer to the time if they would mind asking the parents if they were attending and ticking a list off for you, alternatively, put out a reminder 7-10 days before asking very nicely for a RSVP and come up with an excuse of need to confirm numbers with venue or something. I've found RSVP via text to a mobile gets more replies too as its easier.

madhousewife · 15/06/2011 22:07

last year for dd's party the same thing happened. we went ahead with the party anyway for the handful that had replied - and EVERYONE turned up! luckily there was enough food for everyone but I was a stress case - upset that hardly anyone was coming and then trying to deal with unexpected guests. i found it all very strange.

VforViennetta · 15/06/2011 22:36

Must admit I am fairly rubbish at RSVP'ing, do generally turn up though Blush.

vigglewiggle · 15/06/2011 22:43

You admit to turning up to a party that you haven't RSVP'd to Shock.

MCos · 15/06/2011 23:06

What works well in our school is RSPV Regrets only.
Generally, those who can't attend will let you know, and after 5 parties using this, the numbers generally have been close to All invited - RSPV regrets responses.
Prior to this, I used to be a nervous wreck, with many people who didn't RSPV turning up.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/06/2011 23:09

i think its rude not to rsvp

how hard is it to send a text/email

but it is early days

MumblingRagDoll · 16/06/2011 00:26

It's normal! People will stick the invite on the fridge...then keep thinking "Must RSVP to that" and then forget...for at LEAST a week. You will get them in drips and drabs right till the last day.

MumblingRagDoll · 16/06/2011 00:27

Vforvienetta That is seriously crap. Not on.

VforViennetta · 16/06/2011 00:58

Meh

Morloth · 16/06/2011 05:07

Right, this is how it goes in our house...

Me: DS1, anything in your bag I need to know about?
DS1: Nope
Me: OK then (intending to check anyway later), gets distracted, forgets to check bag.
One week later finds invite in bag
puts on fridge meaning to call Mum with answer
Puts something else on top of invite, noticing it and meaning to call Mum with answer...
Gets email/call from Mum saying 'Is DS1 coming to party?'
I say 'Party? What Party? Oh that party!'
Answers Mum
Looks on fridge for invite, which is now gone
Calls Mum 'When is party? where is party? how old is kid?'

So when I sent out the invites for DS1's party this year, I left a big enough time between when I needed the RSVPs and when I wanted them so I could send emails chasing them up. Because most people I know operate on the same system...

sunnydelight · 16/06/2011 07:53

Way to early to stress about it, but you need to be prepared to do a follow up closer to the time if you really need to know. Luckily nobody has ever been rude enough to show up at a party I've organized without replying - I take no response to mean no so wouldn't have included them in final numbers at a
"pay per head" party or have party bags for them.

MoChan · 16/06/2011 10:25

I think it's really rude to not RSVP. However, I generally only get around to doing it after a few days (as I have to double and triple check I haven't committed to anything else/double and triple check that OH hasn't made other plans that I've forgotten about before I feel comfortable about confirming attendance). I certainly wouldn't do it within one day.

elphabadefiesgravity · 16/06/2011 10:28

If you only gave them out on Tuesday it is way too soon.

When the dc get invotes it is at least a week before I am able to check with dh (he works away in the week I work at weekends) cross reference with other activities ask grandparents if they can have the uninvoted child etc etc before I can reply.