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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Has anyone got any good ideas for revenge?

70 replies

anniemosity · 15/06/2011 19:12

I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas for revenge that they had either carried out or fantasised about on abusive twat exes. I see nothing wrong with revenge as long as it makes you feel better. I have namechanged for this post.

Several years ago I was unfortunately in an abusive relationship with a creep who was obsessed with himself, cannabis and sex. He had tried to bully me into taking cannabis as well as class A drugs and into taking part in sexual practices I was very uncomfortable with. Plus lots and lots of other things, too much to go in to right now.

When I finally broke up with him for good, I returned the vibrators he had bought me (yes he bullied me into using sex toys too, I hated it ) with a note which read:
"Dear Ex-Creep, I have had my use from these. They were better than anything you had to offer me, but not as good as what I'm getting now. You don't need me to tell you where you can stick them."

Childish I know and it would have definitely hurt him as he always saw himself as God's gift to women. And it made me feel soooo much better and over him!

OP posts:

VeryStressedStudent · 17/06/2011 21:20

When I found out my cheating, abusive ex was trying to get a one-night stand. I just happened to tell her mate who I knew about how he was in bed, in front of him... I never found out if he got with her in the end

MadameOvary · 18/06/2011 19:06

Nannyl - I really want to "like" that

nannyl · 18/06/2011 19:16

Im so pleased i did it... i nearly only thought about it, (and i had ages to think about it as the divorce took months), but on the day the divorce became legal it landed on his door mat!

MistressFrankly · 18/06/2011 19:34

I poured boxes of crickets through the letterbox of an ex. Little buggers make a ton of noise and are incredibly hard to track down and catch

I made posters of an ex employers face superimposed onto porn with his number attached for a sex chatline, then pasted it around the gay village.

At my old bar job we had the 'special' glass for arsehole customers. It was a very hot club and the fellas used to dunk their sweaty balls in it and put it to one side for a deserving customer to turn up.

I turned my evil housemates carpet into a field of cress when i moved out and they went on holiday ( and did the classic prawn/curtain number)

XOH took a crap in the toilet cistern of our old employer. Apparently stinks for ages and is never found

Revenge is great fun and very cathartic but the OP's issues are too serious to bring down to childish hijinks that i employ. As previous posters have said living well is the best revenge. In this case anything else will just show him he still has an effect on you. Hold your head up and move on x

TotallyLovely · 18/06/2011 20:49

MistressFrankly Wow you have a lot of anger! (running away slightly scared)

SugarLemons · 18/06/2011 21:06

MistressFrankley... You have a glass that people put their balls in and serve it to someone. That is disgusting and I'm sure pretty sackable. You sound disgusting and immature

microserf · 18/06/2011 21:19

I am a bit uncomfortable with this thread. Some of the things suggested do really ruin lives.

My ex, who was the lying cheating one who dumped me, did actually call HMRC and report me for tax evasion. I wasn't tax evading and I proved it reasonably easily - I don't have any income which isn't PAYE with tax deducted, so I can't think how he thought he'd claim it. I had to see a tax advisor to sort it out and the advisor's first question to me was "does someone really, really hate you?". Yep. Someone really did.

So revenge isn't always justified. My ex always had to "win", so he decided this was his way of winning.

My revenge, after a long cooling off period, was to tell everyone we knew as a couple that he'd done it. He seemed to get uninvited from a lot of events after that. After that, living well seemed by far the best revenge.

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 18/06/2011 22:26

Microserf you have reminded me...not really "revenge" but anyway...

My mum used to work for the tax office (about 40 years ago). She said that on slow days they would be made to go through all the local and national papers checking the tax records of everyone who's name was in it...anyone found not to be up to scratch would soon find a letter on their door mat...

microserf · 18/06/2011 22:38

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls can I just say - awesome user name.

That's quite an amazing story, but I'd definitely believe it. To be fair to HMRC, after a bit of stress getting them all the docs, they did believe me. I've been absolutely scrupulous about filing all returns on time ever since. No one invites me to a dinner party at tax deadline time, I'm the conversation killer reminding everyone returns are due.

ClarasMummy · 18/06/2011 22:41

I agree with the posters who say moving on and having nothing further to do with them is the best revenge.

I am a boring git though

MistressFrankly · 18/06/2011 22:42

Sugarlemons I dont have balls and therefore did not do the dunking - was just mentioning what happened at an old work place. Probably would have been more disgusted if one of the customers who got the glass had not thrown a glass at my face (shot landed and drew blood) and threatened to take me out back and show me how to be 'a good girl who knew her place'. Immature and disgusting? Most definately! Satisfying at the time? Hell yeah!

I am an older wiser and lazier lady these days and am not surrounded by fuckwits so havent resorted to revenge for many a year.

Grumpla · 18/06/2011 22:50

ReshapeWhileDamp did you mean your post to come out in an Attenborough voice? Cos it did.

milliemae · 18/06/2011 22:50

OP, you are far too wet! If you are going to return his sex toys etc, at least send them to someone else (his boss, his boss'es wife, his probation officer etc - the more & the more gossipier the better!) to forward to him.

Be imaginative & enjoy!

PS: DH has just seen this post and says it is alarming (but typical)!

MistressFrankly · 18/06/2011 22:53

And if it makes you feel better i just found a really long, crispy spider leg in my potato wedges.

Only after i bit it

Poking about looking for the rest of it.

Karma is a bitch

outnumbered2to1 · 18/06/2011 22:56

not really revenge but it made me giggle at the time.....

caught my ex in bed (literally) with his other woman. Grabbed her and threw her out of our flat naked and then threw her clothes out the window so she had to go outside into the courtyard naked to get them.

Threw ex out too. Also naked. Also with a black eye. Eh this was at about 8:30am in the morning as i was coming in off a night shift and he had thought i was working a double shift (and so would be sleeping at the hotel in the staff quarters) so the place was quite busy with people going to work, school etc.....

Jaspants · 18/06/2011 23:09

There are some hilariously scary people on MN - I had fully expected 100% "living well is the best revenge"

HauntedLittleLunatic · 18/06/2011 23:13

Hmmm

Having recently caught XP cheating (and obviously kicked him out)....when I saw his car "hiding" round the corner whilst he was "having tea" with OW I should have got spare key and moved it back home with a note (someone seems to have stolen your car and parked it round the corner, so I bought it home to save you reporting it stolen...or similar).

Sadly I didn't think about that until a few hours later.

I am trying the indifferent thing (but tis v v v hard but I am only a couple of months in). If I really wanted revenge I would post the valentines card addressed to OW which contains full and intimate details of their relationship along with his infatuation for her....who would I post it to? Her DH of course, who happens to be XPs best friend....a few black eyes would ensue there I think.

ohmyfucksy · 18/06/2011 23:20

I've never had the need to get revenge, but if someone really deserved trouble and they were also up to no good legally I would definitely grass them in.

CarnivalBizarre · 18/06/2011 23:21

Very childish I know but I WAS a child(15) at the time

Went to a house party with my then boyfriend who I thought was the bees knees only to find him half way through the night snogging the face off some girl outside the bathroom

He didn't see me btw - I silently seethed downstairs for hours while he kept leaving me in the kitchen ..obv to go find the other girl for more fun

He got VERY drunk and fell asleep in the bath - I went through the bathroom cabinet and found a sachet of nair hair removal cream and without thinking twice smeared it all around his hair line to about 2 inches back and then promptly left the party

I never did see him again ...but I do feel slightly bad aboout what I did

HauntedLittleLunatic · 19/06/2011 15:23

Hmm, interesting dilemma..xp has just told me he is planning to claim working tax credits...by claiming he works 20hrs a week...which taking into account the admin he does at home (he is self employed) is just about reasonable as an average.

However just found out he actually needs to work 30hrs a week to be eligible...I see a revenge opportunity coming up

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