..to have put my 7yo on 'the step' for refusing to eat his dinner- with the threat of leaving him there til bedtime?

[yosammitysam]

So I put down dinner: sweet and sour prawns and rice- ds2 covers his face with his t-shirt and says in panicked, cross voice "no way am I eating THAT". It's all things he likes- haven't had (homemade) sweet and sour sauce for a while though I did cut peppers and carrots up itsy bitsy so you could barely notice them (I have super fussy children :( :() He refused to even try it and stamped his foot and left the table. So he's on the step and not changing his mind and isn't going anywhere. Been there for over an hour.

His dinner is in the fridge. I've said he can sit there til bedtime and theres no food except his dinner. Then he's going straight to bed. I've said it's because he was really rude at the table and wouldn't even have a tiny taste of the food so he couldn't rightly say whether he liked it or not. I think he gets this but simply didn't want it and now won't back down.

My mum always says I make far too much fuss about food and dinner-times and they'll eat if theyre hungry blah blah... But I'm sick of them moaning about perfectly nice, healthy food and sick of them saying they like something but only a certain way. FFS there are kids going to bed all over the world with empty bellies through no fault of their own.

Thing is if he sits there til bedtime do I just pretend nothings happened tomorrow? Is it just a battle of wills? Am I making too big a deal of it like my mum says? I've turned into a battle of wills rather than him eating cos he's hungry.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! I just want them to eat their fg dinners!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If a child will only eat bananas then they need to see a dietitian .

I do what FabbyChic does (feed them food they like), they only refuse to eat it if they are ill/coming down with something.

I understand to OP being angry as her ds usually likes the food she served him but i wouldn't make a huge deal out of it, i would just say 'ok, you eat this or nothing?', i wouldn't sit him on the naughty step and make a big deal out of it.

''I think it is real selfish of parents to feed their kids food that they are going to turn their nose up at.''

Most parents do no relish a battle at mealtimes and try to cook things that have a vague chance of being eaten.

For Gods sake cooking is a soul destroying experience at the best of times

I would agree about not forcing children to eat things they really really hate - I remember my mum trying to force me to eat fish, it didn't work as I was so repulsed and sickened by it I would rather have gone hungry than put a single bite of slimy white cod in my mouth, and really don't think I could physically have swallowed it if I had. I'm 30 now and the smell of fish still makes me feel sick.

BUT - it doesn't sound like that's the case for the OP and her son, if he's eaten prawns happily before, and said he liked them, it sounds like he was just being difficult. Whatever she cooked would probably have got the same reaction!

Maybe the 'naughty step' thing did make it into even more of a battle of wills. I like the idea of 'this is dinner, you can eat it or not but there's nothing else'. That's what you do with fussy dogs too, and it usually works!

I think the post by earlyriser about Mum's job being to put the healthy meal on the table is a good one. Having had a large glass of wine I now feel a bit more philosophical! I would normally be more patient but knowing it was a food he liked just made me go a bit mental! And the whole 'I'm not eating that' scenario is such a regular feature in our house.

I think I'll try the serving dishes thing- so they can help themselves- and maybe I won't be as frustrated about the waste (I'll just have a very full freezer!)

The issue is this really: You can be as laid back as you like, but surely you are not being responsible if your child consistently makes unhealthy choices, as mine would without an awful lot of cajoling, disgusing vegetables etc. When we have a roast I usually put everything on serving platters and none of my kids have ever chosen veg. They'll have meat (if it's something they like) potatoes and yorkshire puddings. Not even gravy! So what do I do? Accept it? They would never choose a fruit based pudding, not even apple pie- they'd just have the custard. I'm aware that they need to develop healthy eating habits and make healthy choices. If I ignore their behaviour I'm not doing helping them do this. Equally I can't force feed them! So it is an incredibly difficult thing to negotiate- both with them and myself!

I agree the whole step thing was prob way ott really. The thing is I am totally unfussy- I'll eat anything and like pretty much everything. I gave my ds's purees of everything you can think of so they had a wide variety from an early age. And i've ended up with total fusspots. My SIL bought the cheapest tins of baby food she could find then moved on to Happy Meals once her dc's were weaned- I was with them once when they gave their 16month old dd a cheese ploughmans sarnie from a garage cos they'd forgotten to give her breakfast! You guessed it though- adventurous eaters! Their DS's fave meal is moule mariniere followed by tropical fruit salad. WHY?????!!!!!!

FabbyChic that only works if they consistently dislike the same small number of things. It doesn't apply to children who literally only eat 1 or 2 things or children who move the goalposts at every meal and refuse to eat what they liked the day before.

As a child my DF would make me sit at the table until I ate my dinner, even if it took 12 hours.

Food became one long battle. He would lock me in the toilet with my dinner saying he would let me out when I had eaten it. Of course I flushed it.

I must admit that at no point did I ever consider giving in to him, and eventually became annorexic as a young teen.

For this reason I will never enter into a war about food with my DS.

He is a fussy eater, but I have involve him in food preparation and meal planning and shopping, I find having some control over what he eats stops the battles.

YABU.

You seem too stressy around him at meal times and need to mellow out.

I'm surprised 7 year olds like sweet and sour with peppers and carrots.

Play safe and avoid all that who ha.

I think YABU. I can remember mealtimes being a huge battle when I was a child, being made to sit for hours with cold food in front of me, threatened with having it for breakfast or some other hideous consequence etc. My Stepmum's cooking was hideous too, nasty lumpy mashed potato that was flavourless, hard and greenish boiled potatoes.

We don't have any rules as such for mealtimes here. We have what we are having, whether the DC like it or not. So, if we are having liver or sprouts or something one doesn't like, they still get it on their plate, just a small amount and they have to try at least one mouthful, which they know but they can then leave the rest. If it's something I know they really don't like and aren't just being fussy, they can have something else afterwards, if they are being fussy they can't have anything else.

I never make them clear their plates as I know they eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. They do have things they don't like, but will generally eat most things, including things that could be deemed as 'adult' foods such as cured meats, mussels and other shellfish, olives etc. so I assume I can't be going far wrong.

Gosh I would never do that.

I too would stay on a step forever rather than eat a prawn! Children's tastes change a lot and it really isn't worth turning mealtimes into a battle.

We decided not to ever make it a battle as its a sure way to lead to issues with eating when they're older.

Really - its not worth it. If they don't like dinner just give them something simple like toast. I certainly wouldn't send them to bed empty either I think that' just cruel.

As adults our tastes change and we don't tend to eat when we're not hungry or what we don't fancy.

I've never been a fan of "eat everything to get pudding" as that overrides the natural sense of being full and also can lead to problems when you're older as you have to unlearn that and relearn to stop when you're full.

I think its really sad that people do this :(

YANBU OP. I've always told my 2 that I'm putting a decent meal down on the table for tea and it's always something they've eaten many times before. If they refuse to eat it they'll go hungry and I just accept that they don't want it.

My mum used to say I was cruel for starving them, but she quickly realised that I wasn't starving them, they were starving themselves by being fussy and refusing to eat a perfectly good meal.

Just thought I would share our experience. Our older child would eat anything put in front of her from being weaned - no problems, no hassle. Our younger one was fussy from weaning, refused weaning foods (he's 17 now, so it was baby rice etc for weaning then, maybe something different now!!), used to literally suck out the inside of a baked or roast potato whilst weaning. At times I would despair - went through an only fish fingers phase for about 6 months at the age of 6 etc etc etc.
Now, our oldest is the pickiest, fussiest eater imaginable, our previously fussy younger one will try anything and eat most things.
You can't win, they will please themselves ultimately, so don't worry too much. Easier said than done, I know!!

Animation why are you suprised? My ds loves sweet and sour though must admit he wouldn't eat prawns.

Voddie.

Can't imagine sweet and sour dishes are a 7 year old global favourite. Some might like the sweet sauce perhaps - but the prawns, red peppers and carrots. Hmm, I don't know.

I can't help but feel sorry for this kid if it's still waiting in the fridge~!

Fair enough you are probably right, our sweet and sour has peppers, cougettes and carrots, but then again my 7 year old dosen't like pizza so maybe not your "normal" :)

Well I have to say mine love moules, lobster, fresh crab, sushi...

Don't start battles you can't win- and food is one of those battles. Take all emotion out of it. Serve dinner, if they don't eat it remove it and they get down.Make no comment-serve no snacks. If they say they are hungry say mildly without surprise 'well you would be, you didn't eat your dinner'. They won't starve. Don't enter discussions.

If it is any consolation ds1 was your ds2 ,nightmare except that he did eat fruit and veg ,in fact given a choice to the age of 11 he would probably have been a fruitarian.He would frequently react as if we were trying to poison him.Suddently aged about 15 things began to change,now 17 he eats most things including Indian,chinese .mayonnaise,rice,lasagne (he hated wet food) DH and i spend half our life marvelling about how it has happened.

I tried as much as possible to ignore not offer alternatives but sometimes I did crack it is just soul destroying constantly throwing away perfectly good food which you have made an effort .all i can say is hang in there!

How was dinner tonight op?

i agree that it may be best to just let the child go hungry,but surely there has tobe some kind of punishment for being that rude?maybe taking away the DS for a day or something?at 7 he should be old enough to know how to talk nicely.isn't 7 too old for time-out?