..to have put my 7yo on 'the step' for refusing to eat his dinner- with the threat of leaving him there til bedtime?

[yosammitysam]

So I put down dinner: sweet and sour prawns and rice- ds2 covers his face with his t-shirt and says in panicked, cross voice "no way am I eating THAT". It's all things he likes- haven't had (homemade) sweet and sour sauce for a while though I did cut peppers and carrots up itsy bitsy so you could barely notice them (I have super fussy children :( :() He refused to even try it and stamped his foot and left the table. So he's on the step and not changing his mind and isn't going anywhere. Been there for over an hour.

His dinner is in the fridge. I've said he can sit there til bedtime and theres no food except his dinner. Then he's going straight to bed. I've said it's because he was really rude at the table and wouldn't even have a tiny taste of the food so he couldn't rightly say whether he liked it or not. I think he gets this but simply didn't want it and now won't back down.

My mum always says I make far too much fuss about food and dinner-times and they'll eat if theyre hungry blah blah... But I'm sick of them moaning about perfectly nice, healthy food and sick of them saying they like something but only a certain way. FFS there are kids going to bed all over the world with empty bellies through no fault of their own.

Thing is if he sits there til bedtime do I just pretend nothings happened tomorrow? Is it just a battle of wills? Am I making too big a deal of it like my mum says? I've turned into a battle of wills rather than him eating cos he's hungry.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! I just want them to eat their fg dinners!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it makes you feel any better my 6 yr old has gone to bed early fir the exact same thing
He had an opportunity to cone down and eat some if his tea but he chose to have another tantrum.
So that's it, no tea (his choice) and bed early
Peace for me

As a very wise mumsnetter once said, your job as a parent is to cook healthy appetising meals.

It is your children's job (choice) to eat them. Not yours to make them eat.

No fuss, no punishment.

We had serving dishes whenever possible. DCs helped themselves and took their share -woe betide the sibling who took too much!

Basically this takes the pressure off the times when the less favoured food is on the menu as there will always be another choice tomorrow.

Love your list ellodarlin, we operate a similar regime here with DD (3) who will confidently announce that she doesn't like just about anything as soon as it lands on her plate.

I explain that I can't make her eat it but that if she wants to grow bigger (and do stuff big kids can), or have the energy to do something nice later, then she'd better try it.

One memorable meal was only strawberry yoghurt and prawn crackers...

To DH's horror, I have also mentioned the small children in Africa who would love to eat all the food that she's rejecting.

I think its a fight worth having at 2/3 when you can still mould them - dont get me wrong but at 7 the 'your child can still be a foodie ship' has probably sailed and its just too wearing to fight about it.

BTW what was his response when you told him what you were cooking for dinner in the first place?

I don't know- wasn't there a time when children just ate what was given to them and were bloody grateful!
I don't give my kids: brussel sprouts, cabbage, sweetcorn, beans (other than baked) any salad vegetables bar carrot sticks, aubergine, courgette (unless grated and heavily disguised) and a whole host of other things because I know they don't like them (not that they've tried most of them)
The only fruit ds 1 eats are bananas (occasionally) satsumas, pineapple and strawberries, ds 2 same but apple (occasionally) not satsumas.

It's all so limited. They won't eat anything in sandwiches except marmite. Most my friends think they are super fussy and I should be harder on them but everyone on here thinks I am being hard!

I honestly don't ever mind if they give it a good go and then say 'no thanks- but they act like I have personally insulted them if I put something down they are unfamiliar with- even if it's something I'm fairly sure they'll like.

Its not just the not eating, its the attitude- and that doesnt just relate to food! I asked them to play quietly just now while I put ds3 to bed but they were shrieking and laughing within minutes.

I just feel that sometimes they just need to do as they're told. I'm on my own with them a lot (dh working late a lot and 6 or 7 days a week) and I desperately need a bit more cooperation in every area. At 10 and 7 aren't they old enough to understand that? I don't expect ds3 to be helpful (he isn't!) but I do think it's about time the older ones grew up a bit.

Ha ha! Have just seen the cat's dinner is untouched as I've changed brands...time for a bucket of wine methinks....and might eat the bloody congealing dinner myself.

we do it like this, they get their food on the table they sit there while everyone else eats of they eat it great if they dont thats their choice. No other food instead so either they eat it or i put it in the bin at the end of the meal and they go hungry otherwise it becomes a power struggle which no one is ever gogin to truly win!

I dont remember that time when we ate everything - I rememebr a lot of findus crispy pancakes though

ellodarlin I am printing out and laminating your rules as placemats for my table

Omnishambles his response was "yummy, I love prawns"!!!!!!! That's what makes me go insane!!!!! But last time we had them was in fish pie (so creamy sauce) when he was oicking them out to EAT them. And he loves sweet and sour chicken (in same sauce as I did today). Is that not him being fusspot???

Earlyriser they are exceptionally wise words- will try and make it my mantra at tea time

Ellodarlin, I like the list idea- do you make that obvious (like pin it on the fridge??!!) or is it an unspoken thing? Also what would you do if they never had the protein/veg bit of the meal? If i did seperate serving dishes all mine would pick is the carbs (spuds/pasta/rice etc) and the odd bit of meat. They genuinely dont enjoy a single vegetable and not much fruit. I have tried involving them in cooking, food menus, making fruit kebabs etc and it hasn't worked.

My 3 barely eat any fruit adn hardly ANy veg especially my teen. And all are in rude health

try not to stress about it if you can, we all ate crap as children and we turned out alright

YABU. It's too long a punishment and, if I'm honest, an entirely laid back, couldn't give a hoot approach will yield better results long term. Make a massive issue of it and that's all it becomes. Stress for you, stress for him.

My ds was fussy and I used to stress, hover, challenge etc. Never got me anywhere. I changed my approach and became (even though I was still stressed inside) very blasé about the whole thing.

Me- Dinner time!!!
Him- Don't want that.
Me- Well, that's what we're having
Him- I don't like it (despite it being something I knew he liked)
Me- You've eaten it before
Him- I still don't want it
Me- I'll leave it there in case you change your mind, it'll be there until I've finished mine.

Me- So are you going to eat it?
Him- No
Me- I'm going to put it in the bin otherwise, it's up to you.
Him- No
Me- Ok, your choice

I have a "Mum's House Rules" plaque on the wall...it says things such as "If you drop it....Pick it up!" etc

No 5 is ...."If I cook it...you will eat it!"

...and so it is...don't want what I cook then go without... there is nothing else...moan about hunger and you can go to bed ...then you won't notice the hunger pangs as you will be asleep. This was when my lot were younger...now being pre/teens they just eat what I cook.

They each don't 'like' various veggies ie mushrooms or tomatoes but they do get given them if the recipe uses them such as spag' bol', if they find a huge mushroom or tomato, they can leave it on the side of the plate....otherwise they eat everything else in that dish...or go without.

I have always been like this about meals...haven't got the patience for cajouling or cooking umpteen different things.

Don't stress about it. Lots of kids are fussy eaters, but imo the less fuss you make the more likely they are to get over it. Excellent advice from ellodarlin - those are the rules in our house. You absolutely have my sympathy - it's much more soul destroying when you've gone to the trouble of preparing something yourself. Try not to take it personally. My 10-year-old dd hardly eats any meat - we haven't mentioned the V word yet we just keep offering and occasionally she eats some. Ds, 8, either eats like a horse or picks - I don't do threats and ultimatums or rewards for plate-clearing - my sil did that and my nieces are the size of houses as a result. I've never done the naughty step, can't see the point, I think the better consequence is that if they don't eat their dinner they will be hungry (although in the case of ds he sometimes just isn't that hungry and that's why he's not eating - if only I had that restraint!).

This thread is making me feel so much better!!!! We have the same sorts of things in our house (5 and nearly 4 year olds). Generally they are pretty good, and it's not that I mind if they don't like something, it's the rejection without trying and the banging on about it / general level of fuss which drives me up the wall (ellodarlin, your rules are fab). I do try very hard to be calm and not make a fuss myself, but it's very hard. Between me and the boys there are some very hard willed people in our house.

Most recent annoyance was a massive fuss being made because they could only have 1 treat each from the shop and not 2. Thought that was really taking the p*ss. So we had swiftly home (this was the end of the day), quick bath and bed with no story. Hystrionics abounded and I felt that I was depriving them massively because of no story, that I was hindering their learning, this was their only experience of me that day......... but they have got to learn. Does it ever get easier?!

I have to addmit that my dd's eat almost what they want , dd2 will eat almost anything, dd1 will only eat pizza and home made chips (only hot food), i cook dd1 pizza twice a week, on the other nights she will have chips, mashed potato, sausages, fish cakes but will hardly touch them, i still let her have pudding but then theres nothing else until breakfast. Tonight she had chips and sausage, she ate the chips but would not touch the sausage. I have given up arguing with her. I pick my battles and this is one i can not win .

I can totally sympathise OP and mine are only 3 and 1. The 1yo eats anything, but the 3yo is becoming fussy and sometimes I'm at a loss as to what to do about it.

I think I'm going to be following ellodarlin's advice and just offering what I've prepared and nothing else. After all, that's what they must have to do at nursery/school.

My question is, what do people do about pudding? I usually offer a pudding and I've heard you shouldn't use it as a bargaining tool (no pudding unless you have eaten your main course), as it makes the pudding 'special' in some way. What do people feel about that? I admit to being a bit confused about it all...

I have only ever fed my children food they will eat. Why bother feeding them something you like or think they will eat for them to end up with fuck all.

I think it is real selfish of parents to feed their kids food that they are going to turn their nose up at.

At least my kids always ate their dinners, because I didnt think like my parents did well Im eating it so they can, I used to heave at the table because I hated the food, yet couldnt leave until it was finished, I physically used to gag.

FEED YOUR KID SOMETHING HE LIKES!

Fabby, to be fair to the OP her ds does eat prawns and sweet and sour sauce he was just being a right pain in the arse.

Using your own style:

READ THE THREAD!

FabbyChic I see the sense in that, but what do you do if it's only unhealthy food they 'like', or if it's only a couple of things?

I went to school with a girl who would only eat bananas. As you would expect, such a narrow diet lead to some health problems. I don't mean to suggest that you are advocating that, but where do you draw the line?

Yes, my response was based on my ds refusing meals I knew he liked.

I sympathise OP, nothing makes my blood boil more than DD just not even trying something before she declares she doesn't like it. Today, she would not eat pizza, she did try a bite though and picked of the ham and cheese and ate all the peas and sweetcorn so gave her a piece of toast and peanut butter to fill her up a bit more and she had her pudding of yoghurt and strawberries. Looking back on what she had eaten all day, we'd done quite well.

I'd say YANBU to put him on the step for being rude.

Have you tried the practice of a tiny portion of whatever it is on a separate plate and saying just have that bit? It often works with DD and she'll often ask for more. The more relaxed I am, the better, she picks up the vibes when I'm exasperated.

And it is the rule that the more time you invest in cooking a meal, the less they are likely to eat it.