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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

my judgey pants are hurting. help me remove them and tell me iabu.

68 replies

badmummy101 · 15/06/2011 16:10

ok, are some people just unable to ever put another persons needs before their own?
just took dc to town, was walking to the golden arches with him a boy from his nursery came out of a coffee shop with his mum and we said hi, (the mum was standing with a massive chocolate croissant and coffee.) she said, were going to the library what are you up to?. i said going to maccie ds then possibly library. so she said she would come there and chat while my dc ate.
i thought it was a bit weird but guessed her boy had eaten in the cafe. so i go up to the counter and get my dc a meal we all sit down. her dc starts crying that he is hungry. she is saying, dont worry hon you can have lunch at home, mummy hasnt go any money on her to get you a meal today. little boy carrys on. she wasnt saying no to the meal but that she had no money to buy him one, so i said, if he is hungry do you want me to get him a meal, ( said so he didnt hear) she said oh yes please. i didnt bring any money out with me. ( same woman who just had massive pastry and coffee)
i get the meal put it down, and she proceeds to eat 3 of his 4 nuggets and half of his chips. little boy keeps saying mummy stop eating my lunch. she finishes his lunch and he is still moaning that he is hungry. so she asks my dc to share his meal with her boy. my dc says no. and tbh i dont blame him!
she then says to my dc, do you want to come to my house to play, its only 5 mins away, so i feel cornered. she already knows i have no big plans and my dc says he would want to go there not the library.
off we go.
we stop at the newsagents and she buys 40 ciggies.( no money to get ds a meal but enough to et 40 fags?) and 2 cans of red bull.
we get to her house and she makes herself a massive bowl of pasta. her ds is still saying how hungry he is and she says well you will have to wait till dinner, stop bieng so greedy. she then doesnt finish her pasta and her ds goes to the half full bowl and says can i have that? she says no, you can have it for dinner.
at this point i am fuming. her ds is hungry. not farking greedy. she ate most of his lunch so no wonder he is hungry.
i say to her maybe he is hungry becuase you had some of his lunch. and she replies well if you had made your dc share there would be no issue. i said that he didnt have to share his meal he was hungry and maybe she should have stopped eating his and he wouldnt be in a bad mood now. told her thanks for having us and left.

so... was i a totaly bitch for thinking she should stop being so self obsessed? and was i being horrible for telling her that his moodyness was her own bloody fault?

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 16:35

MrsTwinks - the thing that alarms me more is she made a fresh bowl of pasta (not her child who asked). left half (child asked if he could finish it) and she said not its for your TEA LATER. How wrong does that sound.

Now there is nothing wrong with left overs, infact I always take left overs to work for my lunch but this really upsets me for some reason.

perfumedlife · 15/06/2011 16:36

Her child is hungry. She has food and is refusing him it. Neglect.

catsmother · 15/06/2011 16:37

Hmmm ..... if she had food issues I'd suspect they'd be more likely to show themselves as either her restricting both his AND her intake, or, her over-feeding him. Can't imagine that she's restricting him only .... especially if he's normal weight.

Anyway, food issues or not, what's that got to do with claiming she'd bought no money with her then buying fags FFS ?

Her attitude towards him is selfish and nasty. At best, she's ignorant of a child's requirements ... at worst, she doesn't give the proverbial about him (i.e. she's neglectful).

queenbathsheba · 15/06/2011 16:38

Neglect and cruelty isn't it. Imagine that poor child having to watch while others eat and he is hungry.

Is she overweight?

MrsTwinks · 15/06/2011 16:39

MrSpoc i know what you mean... something about it takes my mind to eating infront of a starving man as punishment. but then my mother really did have food issues with me so maybe im projecting

badmummy101 · 15/06/2011 16:40

no she is not overweight. VERY slim.
i cant accuse her of neglet based on one afternoon. for all i know she made him a 3 course meal for breakfast and he had already had lunch. BUT i thought it was nasty.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 16:40

Op now I would not normally recomend this but if this is true can you / will you call SS and ask for their advice. Then hopefully they can look into it if they are worried then they can act.

SparklyCloud · 15/06/2011 16:40

When she got the fags, why didn't you say ' thought you had no money, thats why I got your son his meal' ?

catsmother · 15/06/2011 16:41

This has made me mad and sad. She effectively taunted her son with food he couldn't have .... by going into McD's in the 1st place which she didn't have to do, then scrounging a happy meal on "his" behalf (he would obviously have heard the cow exchange) but gobbling almost all of it herself .... and then chowing down a big bowl of pasta in front of him though he was still saying he was hungry, and to add insult to final injury, refusing to let him finish it off. Nasty, nasty, nasty.

badmummy101 · 15/06/2011 16:43

spoc, i cant call ss based on one afternoon with a woman, but i will speak to the nursery, if there are issues with the boy going to school hungry they they will already have knowledge of it.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 16:43

badmummy101 - I agree one session does not tell you allot and you normally cannot judge but from what you have told us if its true then I am worried. Its just wrong on any level.

ThunderboltKid · 15/06/2011 16:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

badmummy101 · 15/06/2011 16:45

it is wrong, and i was shocked, hence the post.
but i am not sure if i can justify saying she is negleting her child. that is a big thing to say. what i am sure of is that she was being selfish. but as a mum i have been selfish about things in the past and would be horrififed if someone thought it was neglet.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 16:46

badmummy101 - I challenge you why not? Unless you have exaggerated this incident then I would call them. They do not have to act if they do not beleive it is of importance.

badmummy101 · 15/06/2011 16:47

thunder, i did say i will speak to the nursery, they are a great bunch of teachers and i have known them yrs so i feel comfertable enough to bring it up and know they wont brush me off or make an issue where there isnt one.

OP posts:
nokissymum · 15/06/2011 16:48

This is truly shocking! If she is depriving her son of something as basic as food, then she is doing some worse things to him behind closed doors.

Please please do keep an eye out for this child, and if anything else comes to light report her to SS.

MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 16:48

badmummy101 - I am not the type to jump on the Neglect band wagon but what you have said just sounds very cruel and infact smacks of neglect.

badmummy101 · 15/06/2011 16:49

mr spoc as i have said, i honestly do not think that based on one afternoon i know anywhere near enough to be able to accuse someone of negleting their child. i will speak to the school and i trust that they have more insight into the child and his life than i do. and i also trust that if there are any issues they wil be best placed to offer help to the mum or get the services involved.

OP posts:
ThunderboltKid · 15/06/2011 16:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 16:50

badmummy101 - i would normally agree but you said yourself that it is wrong, and i was shocked, hence the post If you saw once a mother beating her child would you call SS??

GollyHolightly · 15/06/2011 16:52

She had a large pastry, half his happy meal and then a bowl of pasta, all at lunchtime? and she's skinny?

MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 16:53

Must be all the fags she smokes. Keeps the weight off.

GollyHolightly · 15/06/2011 16:53
Grin
PinotGrigiosKittens · 15/06/2011 16:53

If you are telling the truth OP, and not exaggerating wildly to get a thread on MN, I would have to wonder why you indeed started a thread on AIBU as clearly you're not aibu to think badly of the mother. And furthermore, why you are not right this minute contacting SS rather than chatting about it online?

The whole situation seems funny to me - both the "events" and your reactions to them. That said, if it is true, I hope the boy is OK obviously.

perfumedlife · 15/06/2011 16:54

I've never jumped on a neglect bandwagon, or any bandwagon, in my life. I'm not saying it's systemic abuse or ongoing neglect, but it is neglect. She is 'neglecting' to answer her childs most basic need, she is allowing him to remain hungry. As another poster said, if she is happy to do that in front of you, she is potentially doing far worse behind closed doors.

Can you just imagine refusing your child a few bits of pasta? Shock

Oh, and she's a liar and doesn't care that you know it. She lied about having brought no money out, then paid for fags in front of you. She is laughing her nasty head off at you, while you are worrying about judging her. Judge away.

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