To think keys given out in case of emergencies are not to be used

[Ishani]

Generally if you fancy popping ?
I got out of the shower naked as the day I was born, DS in the noddy too walked into the kitchen to find my MIL eating a sandwich at the breakfast bar.
I screamed what the fuck are you doing here ? She said she had knocked and when she got no answer let herself in and made herself lunch from my fridge. We live in a bungalow so she would have heard the shower. Clearly I was in but rather than shout hello she thought she'd scare the shit out of me instead. She's lucky I didn't thi k she was a burgerler and clobber her.
Am I wrong in asking DH to get the keys off her ?

I'd be fuming! I'd be having firm words about boundaries.

definitely have a word about boundaries.
It's one thing "popping in" when you're obviously in, but to make yourself a sandwich is definitely going too far.

(most people will say coming in at all is going too far, but I haven't experienced that yet, so I can't comment)

I would take the keys back, she clearly does not know what 'for emergencies' means

Well this is the thing the neighbors have keys too and I was worried as to what exactly their definition of an emergency is seeing how my MIL seems to think her being hungry consitutes one

Why get your DH to ask? I think you should ask yourself. In fact, politely but firmly tell her you want the keys back. I assume that there were boundaries set up when the keys was given and she's crossed them.

FWIW my parents have a key to my house and will let themselves in but by prior arrangement. EG every Monday I expect my dad will come over after work, let himself in and make himself a snack. I'd be pretty shocked if he did this on a Wednesday without calling/texting first.

I really don't get this giving people keys for emergencies. Really, how many situations are there where someone will need emergency access to my house without me present?

I want the keys back, you know when you walk inti your home and some tes get an odd feeling like somebody has been in (or maybe that's just me) and little things like the last of the pate had gone and the children deny eating it, maybe all those tomes I thought you little liars she's been in the house and helped herself !

Against the grain, but I think your MIL will be horribly hurt and offended if you ask for the keys back.

Simpler to get a cheapo door alarm to deter her

"I really don't get this giving people keys for emergencies."

when you lock yourself out

that is why my lovely neighbour has a key

Keys for emergencies are not for when someone else wants needs to get into your house (unless you have gone on holiday and left the oven on), they are for when you lock yourself out!

YANBU, my ILs and a neighbour both have spare keys for our house as we do for them and I would be very shocked if they let themselves in unless by prior arrangement (and would similarly never let myself into ILs/neighbours unless by arrangement/in an emergency).

Yes get a cheap door alarm (also good for annoying letting agents / landlords who arrive unannounced or try & show people round without permission ).

YANBU! Get them off her and give them to a neighbour or friend.

Slightly off topic, but my MILs the door is unlocked and the neighbours waltz in at any time. They don't knock, they just walk straight in. It would drive me barmy!

That's totally unacceptable. Get the keys back from her.

DH and I never gave our keys back when we moved out of our parents houses and I will let myself into my mums house and vice versa but I would never just walk into MILs house. Hypocritically I would not expect either parent to just walk into my house unless told to do so...I mean dh and I could be shagging on the sofa or anything! Just letting myself into my mums house just feels different...maybe because it used to be my house too? Dear god, what if I walked in and found my mum shagging on the sofa...ok I have been reformed and will never walk into anyones house uninvited again!!!!

I would certainly take the keys back from her in this instance, she's a cheeky mare!

I don't disagree with parents having the extra keys, if they are conveniently local and can be trusted not to intrude.

There have been several threads about this. It seems ILs and parents are equally guilty. The general advice seems to be:

If you ask for the key back thy will be upset/offended

Some say ask anyway, they've crossed a line and need to know it.

Some suggest talking to them about the definition of emergencies and not using the key just because you don't answer.

Some suggest using a chain or deadlock when you're in the house.

Some suggest losing your keys and having the locks changed, and not getting round to giving them a new key.

Has anyone else ever had this problem and actually asked for the keys back? If so, what happened!?!

That's a bloody good point Melly. They never come back and say what happened.

Right, all you with previous key issues. Tell.

:o It just came to me, you always read about people on here having IL key issues, but I don't recall ever reading about anyone actually (shock horror) asking for the keys back! Surely someone on here has done it?

I'm one of those who doesn't want to ask for keys back but wants it to stop! I agree - all those key-asker-backers come forward and tell us what happened!