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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think keys given out in case of emergencies are not to be used

57 replies

Ishani · 14/06/2011 14:00

Generally if you fancy popping ?
I got out of the shower naked as the day I was born, DS in the noddy too walked into the kitchen to find my MIL eating a sandwich at the breakfast bar.
I screamed what the fuck are you doing here ? She said she had knocked and when she got no answer let herself in and made herself lunch from my fridge. We live in a bungalow so she would have heard the shower. Clearly I was in but rather than shout hello she thought she'd scare the shit out of me instead. She's lucky I didn't thi k she was a burgerler and clobber her.
Am I wrong in asking DH to get the keys off her ?

OP posts:
EllenJaneisnotmyname · 14/06/2011 17:17

Keys we give to neighbours for an emergency, we put in a sealed envelope with our name on. (Not address in case they get burgled) Then they won't be tempted to use them except in an emergency.

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 14/06/2011 17:19

Not sure why IL need emergency keys? Unless they are neighbours? I'd do the get locks changed and 'forget' to give them a new key trick.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 14/06/2011 17:22

EllenJane I think that's a really good idea. Having them in an envelope provides a physical as well as psychological barrier to the keys. You would never use them casually you would always have to consider whether this was something that merited opening the envelope.

However, in this case I would ask MIL to give the keys back. She needs to respect your privacy and understand she's gone too far.

pallymama · 14/06/2011 17:27

I got DH to ask for the key back, and apparently they didn't think they had it anymore as they couldn't find it. Amazing really, as it didn't stop FiL letting himself in when I was in bed with flu! Angry Kicking myself that I didn't say at the time "oh lovely, you've found my spare key! thank you for bringing it back" but I was foggy and shocked.

We are about to change the lock.

Mizza76 · 14/06/2011 17:49

I took my keys back. I came home one day to discover that my MIL had dropped my keys (her set) in front of my house. Fair enough. But what really got me was that when I picked them up, I saw that she had written on the keyring my family name, my address --- and my phone number (just so the burglars could ring first to find out whether we were in). I couldn't believe anyone could be that irresponsible and never gave them back, making up some excuse. She got over it.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 14/06/2011 17:50

Sorry you're still suffering pallymama, but thanks for the update.

northerngirl41 · 14/06/2011 17:54

My mother came in and redecorated our bedroom one day... Count yourself lucky!

But, no YANBU and defo get the keys back immediately!!

ENormaSnob · 14/06/2011 18:13

Yanbu

I would hit the roof.

Paschaelina · 14/06/2011 18:16

The only person with a key to our house is my friend who feeds my cats when we're away. I do the same for her. I wouldn't dream of using the keys in any other situation.

toddlerama · 14/06/2011 18:26

I let myself into my parents house all the time Blush. In fairness, if I ring the bell and wait, my mum answers the door in a bit of a huff and says 'where's your key?!' so I don't think she minds. What if she's shagging though?! You have created a dilemma for me...

unfitmother · 14/06/2011 18:30

YANBU, I'd be pissed off too.

bigbutton · 14/06/2011 21:12

My PIL also developed a tendancy to just let themselves in with the "emergency" key. Telling them they were out of order would have caused a big row. They just wouldn't get it. Dh is their son, this is his house, he lived with them for 18 years so why would he mind them being here? It doesn't cross their minds that it's also my house and I might feel differently.

I invented a visit from a friend and told them I needed "our spare key" back.

I don't know if they wonder why they haven't had the key back several months later, but they haven't got around to asking. No arguments, and no more what the bloody hell are you doing in here?? surprise visitors. Bliss :)

thisisyesterday · 14/06/2011 21:17

does she know the key is for emergencies only?

i still have a key for my parents house and would let myself in (and eat biscuits and have a cuppa) if they weren't in.

and i wouldn't care at all if they let themselves into my house either, although i know if they knew i was in they would make themselves known rather than sit silently in the kitchen eating my food lol

but then our keys are not "emergency" keys... they're just keys. so maybe that's it?
maybe your MIL thinks it's just her key for your house?

heavyheartedfarted · 14/06/2011 21:45

I have just last week gave our neighbours spare keys after my ds locked himself out ,am a very private person and this does feel a bit odd even though we have been neighbours for 8 years.

This reminds me of a time 12 yrs ago,my mum has always had a key to my houses its like she expects it and i have never questioned it,i thought she would only use for emergencies.I had been out and came back to my sons teddys all sat in a circle on the lounge floor with a play food picnic to say i was freaked out is an understatement,took me ages to realise it was my mum,can laugh now but freaked me out.
Things came to a head when my soon to be exh moved in and my mum would still knock once and then let herself in,i explained quite clearly unless she wanted to be walking in on us possibly having sex on the sofa then not to let herself in.It worked,now if she has dropped round and i am not in and she is dropping something off she always rings house and mobile phones to check i am definatly not in before using her key.

MrsKwazii · 14/06/2011 21:51
OpusProSerenus · 14/06/2011 21:56

My Mum has a key, not for emergencies as she lives an hour or so away, but so she can get in if dropping stuff off or visiting and I'm held up on way back, etc. She always rings and checks if ok before she lets herself in. It's probably a hangover from the days when she might help with DCs in school holidays, etc. ILs do not have a key and never will as I would be neurotic about boundaries (DH agrees btw).

loiner45 · 14/06/2011 22:11

my ex MIL has a key and pops in all the time, rings the bell to alert me, shouts yoo hoo as she uses the key to let herself in, or comes around the back. tbh it's not that much different to me than my teenagers coming and going, I'm just glad she's still part of my life :) I can ring her to ask her to see to the dog, or go round to let in kids when they've forgotten their keys. I am actually quite paranoid about keys and keeping them safe - but I'm more than happy for her to use the key even if I'm in. I give friends and family who come to stay a spare key so they can do the same... this undoubtedly indicates that I have a sad life with no prospect of sofa shagging, but it suits me Grin

Original poster
Ishani · 14/06/2011 22:11

I think she does see it has her key to her sons house cheeky cow I'm going to change the entire front door, which does need doing along with a lovely new lock on it.

OP posts:
movingsoon · 14/06/2011 22:12

Get a key save for the spare key then you can give trusted bulders and friend the code if needed then change the code.

I once had the code for a friends house I needed to drop something off when her and her dcs were out. I did what was needed put key back then text her to say it was done. Going to get one as soon as I can work out where to put it.

You can also give kids code when they lose key

loiner45 · 14/06/2011 22:14

but sorry - OP YANBU if it is something that does not suit you! our situation has grown up over years with me saying 'oh just let yourself in' - especially in early days of being pinned to the sofa bf the dcs!

DumSpiroSpero · 14/06/2011 22:15

My mum and MIL both have keys. My mum will let herself in by arrangement with me, if she has something to drop off or is giving me a hand with housework Grin - otherwise she knocks - even if I'm in and expecting her round.

MIL on the other hand - don't get me started - too long winded to go into. I am planning a lock-breakage incident over the summer hols!

cat64 · 14/06/2011 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HidinginaHardHat · 14/06/2011 22:40

Oh this has been bothering me too. We are moving into MIL's empty property (rent free if that makes a difference!) and currently while DP is working away i'm working full time, moving my stuff and DC's out of our home, decorating the house (with no financial input from her or practical help more to the point!) etc etc. Every bloody weekend she walks into the house without knocking "oh i didn't know you were in" comes her chirrup. Well as I currently live 30 miles from where I am moving to the only way I can get there is by car. If my car is on the driveway you can bet your bottom dollar I will be in.

DP can't see the issue because, after all, it's "her" house. Despite her assurances that it will be "our" house it's just her name on the deeds.

I'm just shocked at the audacity of some people where they feel they can walk into someones home like that!

GnomeDePlume · 14/06/2011 22:58

PiLs used to walk in through our back door (having walked past the front door with fully functioning bell). Apparently this was normal (not to us it wasnt!).

DH got fed up with this and built a fence with padlocked gate claiming this was to stop DD1 getting out (at this stage DD1 wasnt even mobile!).

Melly19MummyToBe · 15/06/2011 10:25

Oh god yeah, Gnome I hate that! Why do some people think using back doors are normal instead of the front??? Our back garden is accessible through our garage, but only if the back door of the garage is unlocked. When we moved in DPs auntie was like "Oh when are you going to put proper locks on your garage doors so you don't have to use your front door?" Confused She only uses the front door for 'special' visitors, aka - her dad, and DPs mum as she is disabled. Everyone else has to wait for ages while she unlocks the back door and then the garage.

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