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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confess this here?

81 replies

iMemoo · 14/06/2011 11:30

I have to say this out loud just once.

I hate being a mum

I love my children to the ends of the earth and would die for them. I really wouldn't be without them for anything.

But I hate the responsibility, the drudgery, the constant moaning and fighting. I hate having to wash their clothes and make them meals. I hate never being able to leave the house without it taking 2 hours. I hate never having time to be me or having even 5 minutes for the simplest of daydreams.

OP posts:
veritythebrave · 14/06/2011 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GooGooGadget · 14/06/2011 12:15

YANBU. I wish i could have been the dad.

I'm fed up of the responsibilty thinking about everything. And how my life has stopped.

DDH is always telling me things about the DCs that are novel to him but boring to me. I'm :( that I take my DCs for granted in that respect.

Lovecat · 14/06/2011 12:23

Where's your DH/DP in all this? If he's not lifting a finger, I'm not surprised you're pissed off. I've only got one, but DH does bits (I won't say 'his share', that's a whole other thread!) around the house (bins/dishwasher duty/his own washing) and it makes me feel less like a skivvy.

ooohyouareafuckwit - try reading, will you? The OP loves her kids, she just hates the drudgery involved. I can't say I blame her, none of us signed up to be domestic servants when we got pregnant.

Omigawd · 14/06/2011 12:35

Until the youngest was abt 3 it was a total grind, after that it gets a lot better. Get a job if it will keep you sane,youhave 3 kids so a nanny will probably cost in vs nursery.

LDNmummy · 14/06/2011 12:39

Yup, sounds like you need to get out of the house and do something independently.

Sorry OP, sounds shit.

wandawings · 14/06/2011 12:49

A job has worked wonders for me. Having that independence and proper adult conversation which didn't involve nagging made all the difference.

I love my daughter with all my heart but it IS hard and no one can prepare you for how boring it can be at times. I make a point of saying to new mums that I meet that I DO find it hard and it is a shock to the system but it WILL and does get better.

I feel that if more mums were honest with how they really find motherhood then others wouldn't put too much pressure on themselves. This is turn would mean that they enjoy things more and not stress the small stuff.

I feel for you OP I really do. I don't feel done with just one baby (well toddler now!) so I will be having another baby but boy am I dreading the newborn stage again.

BlooferLady · 14/06/2011 12:50

My Mum (5 children) always told me that only boring people are bored Grin

Sorry, OP. It does sound shit. But surely if 2 of them are at school during the day you can do something for yourself?

I don't have children yet though, so wouldn't know - I veer between dreading it because it sounds like indentured servitude and a totally absurdly optimistic determination to carry on doing everything I currently do now Confused

constantlywrong · 14/06/2011 12:54

YANBU

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 14/06/2011 13:03

Today I spent an hour and a half at the park following DD from one piece of equipment to another (she does not Do independent play). We made playdoh animals for another hour. I made her stuffed giraffe put on a funny voice and 'talk' to the fish in the fish tank, and she asked for this over and over for forty minutes. We spent half an hour practising counting. I showed her how to plant seedlings properly, which was 15% successful and 85% re-planting other things that she dug up in her enthusiasm. There was a Super Fun Educational Outing to the post office, so she could choose a card for Nana, 'write' a message in it, and post it in the big red box. Since she'd been so good all day I let her choose an extra story at bedtime and we talked about the concept of 'opposites' and practised letters. Oh, and obviously I made breakfast and lunch and dinner and snacks and cleared them away and vacuumed up playdoh crumbs and tidied her soft toys away. Also laundry, kitchen duties and general tidying.

My entire adult interaction was with the man in the post office ('one stamp please').

I am a very intelligent, highly educated woman. This is now what I consider a good day.

clemetteattlee · 14/06/2011 13:05

When I had a wobble about my career recently DH suggested that I just stay at home (my two are 6 and 3) and was shocked by the vehemence with which I said "that's the last thing I want".
I WANT to like it, I want to enjoy playing, and cooking, and sorting, and being needed, but I don't. BUT I do enjoy doing that when it is not all I have to do. It sounds like you need to redress the balance.

I could happily never do another kids' bath time in my life!

heleninahandcart · 14/06/2011 13:17

YANBU
Park with small child dodging dog shit, boring.
Local playground, boring
Kids TV, don't get me started
Kiddie talk, boring and annoying

lorelilee · 14/06/2011 13:22

I always said I was too selfish to have children. And I was right. I enjoy doing MY thing too much!

I work, but still find the whole thing gets in the way of MY life (or, rather, how it was before). I absolutely adore both of my sons (4.5 and 2.5) but, as said by a previous poster, have never felt that motherhood is the most wonderful thing on earth.

cuteboots · 14/06/2011 13:30

YANBU- I could never have been a sahm! It would honestly fry my brain to a pulp. Its alot easier now my little boy is seven but I did have days when he was little where I used to go to bed in tears thinking I cant do this. Its the only job where you dont need any qualifications and I reckon its the toughest thing anyone can ever do.

ElizabethTaylor · 14/06/2011 13:35

YANBU. I hate being a mum too. I feel totally bored out of my mind and I have just the one. What I hate the most is just the incessant talking and clutter.

Oblomov · 14/06/2011 13:47

I regret being a mum. I thought with hard work, love, boundaries and consistency , it would all be enjoyable. But it is not.
BUGGER.
Hard realsing you've made a mistake. Especially such a big one as this. Not alot anyone can do though.
You just have to try and find ways to make it more pleasureable.
MN has lots of good tips and advise for this.

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 14/06/2011 13:48

I hate the fact that I can't keep my own clothes clean for longer than 3 hours (if I get dressed while ds is still asleep that is).

I despise the constant worrying. From the second I found out I was pregnant I have worried myself stupid about ds being ok. And now he's moving about every bump and scratch he gets makes me panic all over again. DH doesn't worry at all. About anything (because I do it all for him I suppose).

I hate the whingy clinginess but love it when he gives me a big hug.

Part of me can't wait to go back to work because I will have 12 straight hours of not having to be responsible for ds for the first time ever. But the other part of me is already crying (and worrying that his gps will be looking after him properly, even though they looked after me and dh so well we made it to adulthood unscathed).

Oblomov · 14/06/2011 13:51

Is this thread the latest PC thread of Mn?
Like the one the other day, where people said they didn't regret having an abortion.
Its like its a faux paux. Not the done thing.
To admit that you don't actually find motherhood 'THAT' scintillating.

Oblomov · 14/06/2011 13:55

Part time job is the only thing that makes it bearable, for me. Then I do enjoy not working, and being at home for 2 days with ds2. Without the work, I think I probably would have run away by now.
Is part time job, or any sort of work possible. Pay someone to look after your child for 1 day per week. Go and do something. work. work voluntarily. pamper yourself.
This 'break' is sometimes, what mums need. Could this help ?

ajandjjmum · 14/06/2011 14:00

I couldn't wait to get back to work when mine were small. I really, really loved them, but hated the drudgery.

They're brilliant company now (most of the time!), and I'm hating the thought of having the house to ourselves in September.

I've always said that it's such a shame it's all or nothing - I'd love 50% kids 50% normal life for ever, instead of which it's 18 years full on, and the rest of your life hoping they think about you occasionally. Grin

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 14/06/2011 14:01

I used to throw my voice ventriloquist style to my ds creating a Stewie Griffin character to amuse me during the stay at home years....used to provide mirth for me endlessly and create a wide birth of other customers around the check out at Tescos!

The baby/toddler years were sodding boring and can turn you into a sodding bore. I blocked someone on facebook today for their constant updates on baby puree preparation ingredients. She used to work with me and was fantastically dripplingly sarcastic and humerous. I never imposed my babies life on anyone or assumed that they were that interested in it!

You aren't bad, just a realist not everyone enjoys it at differing times.

What i hate now is school and work getting in the way of fun times. My ds 6 is ace, funny, sharp, interesting and a brilliant laugh. It's an honour to be in his company.

I am hoping for a premium bond win so that we can go off and adventure on an elephant or something.....

I went back to work after 6 months due to necessity, guilt and relief are all part of it, as well as learning to walk without an imaginary stroller in front of you. Seriously, i had forgotten how to walk standing upright!

The hormones have completely effed me up too, my brain never returned to the sharpness of clarity i had pre baby.

FunnysInTheGarden · 14/06/2011 14:04

I like being a mum, but the main reason for that is that I work FT Grin the being a mum bit is a weekend novelty.

Yesterday I was called away from work to collect DS1 from school as he was ill. It only took about 2 hours of tidying etc round the house for me to be climbing the walls. I absolutely could not be a SAHM, in fact it makes me feel panicky thinking about it.

FunnysInTheGarden · 14/06/2011 14:06

oh and OP, YANBU

WowOoo · 14/06/2011 14:08

It's the best place to say things like that.
Preferable to shouting that to your children.

You've got three including a little one. I have one little one and a bigger one and that is tough enough for me.

auburnlizzy78 · 14/06/2011 14:09

YANBU OP, you are saying what many people think and are too scared to say. Good on you.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/06/2011 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.