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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to phone DHs boss and tell him to fuck right off

72 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 13/06/2011 18:00

DH has worked for the same employers for over 15 years, but been with the company 20, his boss took over 15 years ago.

he has been manager for 15 years.

lately, his boss has been nit picking at every single thing, second guessing his decisions, pulling him down in front of colleagues, belittling him, phoning him at home out of work hours, even phoning him about work the day of his fathers funeral a few weeks ago....) that sort of thing. The company is struggling, and i am wondering if they are trying to get DH to leave to save his wage. Last time this happened DH asked boss if he was after his notice to which he replied that was for him to decide....

last week an employee asked for a weeks holiday - dh said no problem - this employee has just had a cancer scare, DH covers holiday leave which means he has this week had to go in and cover 2 night shifts, which is what he has done for the last 20 years - nothing different to normal. They pulled him apart about this decision last week - saying it was too short notice to allow the employee the holiday leave - DH said it wasnt as it wouldnt cause any problems at all - and it hasnt. No one else was off and the employee is entitled to his annual leave - so dh let him have it. no problems.

today, his boss stooped to a new low. He called him at home, this morning (dh had been working all night and is in again tonight) and i could hear him yelling and shouting at DH. DH stayed calm and asked what the problem was. he got no answer, just more incoherent ranting, again he asked what the problem was - boss shouts that he should be at work, NOW. DH tried to explain that he was covering nights - he got shouted down again (i could hear all this as his boss was shouting so loudly) it angered me so much i started shouting, asking what the hell he thought he was doing phoning DH at home? (i know his boss really well as i used to work there - he is a bully boy, and i left after a couple of years of it - i threw something at him and walked after he did the same thing to me in front of a shop full of people)

He had absolutely no need to do this. DH said he couldnt carry on like this, his boss raged some more and put the phone down. DH has absolutely no idea what any of it was about. I suspect something had maybe gone wrong and he was looking for his whipping boy - ie - my dh

I am still so annoyed about it. I am sure that they are doing their best to get DH to walk or give notice. He is close to going. I advised getting signed off but he wont do that - work ethic and all that - he has only taken 4 days sick in 20 years.
If they drive him out im thinking this is constructive dismal? He is doing nothing differently to the last 15 years that they have happily let him run his dept. He has no pay rise in the last 5 years. He works like a trooper, does exactly what is required and nothing has altered except their attitude toward him.

I want to phone the fuckwit up. preferably in the dead of night when he is sleeping and see how he likes being woken by a ranty fucker...i am being unreasonable no?

i know it wont help but omg i would feel better...

OP posts:
GooGooGadget · 13/06/2011 18:53

Tell him to get signed off sick for a bit. He can drop them right in the shit and think about what he wants to do.

No one will blame him in these circs.

:(

exhausted2011 · 13/06/2011 18:54

that's really not fair, not surprised you are mad.

MoreBeta · 13/06/2011 18:57

Its the advent of 'bake-off' pastry that is really killing traditional bakery skills.

Greggs are really expanding quick all the time. Any jobs there in their factories?

Gonzo33 · 13/06/2011 19:00

I've not read all of the replies but I am going to say this. It does not matter gow big or small the company is (my husband has the same problem and he is a crown employee). Make sure you or your husband note down every single thing. Speak to an employment law specialist, and keep going. It is not fair that your husband is treated in this manner, and it sounds to me like they are trying to manage him out. Constructive dismissal was the word in my head when I read your post.

TheOriginalFAB · 13/06/2011 19:01

My DH was working long hours, the new boss would phone him at 10 at night, we had just had a baby. They wanted DH to do a load of extra work then were going to encourage him to go. DH got himself signed off on full pay for his notice period and soon got a new job. He was lucky but sometimes you have to make a stand.

Ormirian · 13/06/2011 19:02

Fuck me! Give me his phone number and I'll do it for you. Tosser!

Angry
Salmotrutta · 13/06/2011 19:02

Some employment lawyers will do a first consultation for a fixed fee - maybe your DH could note all of this down and go and get some advice.
It does sound like they are deliberately making life awful for him. He must be very stressed by it all Sad.
If they made him throw in the towel they may think they will get away with not having to pay redundancy but if he can prove constructive dismissal then he has a chance of recompense surely?
Redundancy is something like 1.5 weeks salary multiplied by number of years with the firm (I think!!) so it would cost them a bit to make him redundant. Sounds like sneaky tricks to me Angry
Hope it all gets sorted!

topazmcgonagall · 13/06/2011 19:05

BFAWU

YANBU to feel justifiably upset and angry, but YABU if you rant and rave.

pointydog · 13/06/2011 19:05

Lordy, vicar, his boss sounds like a top twat. If they are determined to get rid of your dh, is there any possibility he could negotiate a good redundancy?

chillichill · 13/06/2011 19:08

your DH has a very strong case for constructive dismissal. is there a citizens advice bureau near you? you can get info on what the process is like in the CAB web site as well, and they are very helpful over the phone too. there are also gov websites with info, just Google constructive dismissal.

MoreBeta · 13/06/2011 19:11

As harsh as it may sound I think there is no point in pursuing a legal case. If the firm is in such financial distress it will never pay out any award made against it.

Indeed, the bank or suppliers could pull the plug tomorrow morning and that would be that.

AppleyEverAfter · 13/06/2011 19:11

Get him into UNITE! And tell him to start looking for a new job pronto. Then sue the bastards for constructive dismissal when he leaves.

But whatever you do, stay away. Otherwise anything you say will be brought up in grievance procedures.

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/06/2011 19:17

Constructive dismissal will be hard to prove if he hasn't been signed off fir stress he needs to see gp asap, then join union eg GMB they will attend all disciplinery meetings etc and know the process inside out.

We had to do similar recently and dh didn't get signed off which seems to count against him as it's the dealer principal who was doing the bullying.

Buy bully in sight off amazon, really good book and hard to get hold of.

Once we went through grievance bullying stopped. It helps having the union there to say you are acting illegally.

catinthehat2 · 13/06/2011 19:20

honestly, what everyone else said

but have you - not DH - checked out jobs? I mean really checked out re somebody who's done "re organised the whole system there, re planned the whole bakery, moved all the machinery etc himself, to make it more efficient. the way production is run is entirely down to him, they run at a shoe string on minimum staffing because thats what they wanted. he delivered all the cuts they needed. the shout jump and he says how high and he always makes it work, even when its meant doing more himself, working more hours, training staff " and the other stuff you have mentioned?

the danger is when you work for twerps like that - who are very good at running businesses into the ground - that you lose sight of what you actually sound like to a 3rd party

I mean is he actually looking for minimum wage junior stuff - have you checked?

(and if you find he is underestimating what he can really do, get him to go sick & find another, less ghastly job)

FakePlasticTrees · 13/06/2011 19:24

Do not call his boss!!!

But, document everything (he might need that in the future) then suggest he goes off on the sick for a few weeks - spend some time doing his CV and looking for other roles, including not in baking. Or working for himself. Really explore the options. If there are no jobs near you, how mobile are you both? Could you move for work? Sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees, take some time - both of you - when you're not shattered and really assess the options.

Salmotrutta · 13/06/2011 19:25

With respect to Unions - is it not the case that you have to have been a member for a minimum time period for them to represent you? That's the case with the unions I have been in anyway. Anyway, your DH has rights union or not so he should try to get legal advice from a specialist.

Salmotrutta · 13/06/2011 19:26

Too many "anyways" and "cases"!! Blush

PenguinArmy · 13/06/2011 19:28

Is he looking at non bakery jobs, a lot of skills you described there are quite universal.

You can ring up my boss if you like, I'm taking the high road and leaving with my dignity and respect in tact, even though it takes all my energy not to pull him up on things he's said and how he has treated me/us. Only two weeks to go for me though.

ilovesooty · 13/06/2011 19:28

Yes, unions generally won't deal with grievances retrospectively.

claig · 13/06/2011 19:29

Are you really sure they want to get rid of him? Will they be able to run the operation without him? It sounds like they need him to sort out problems at any time of day or night. Could it just be that the boss is a bully and he is stressed out because the business is having a tough time, and therefore takes it out on your DH, who he knows never answers back?

lesley33 · 13/06/2011 19:31

It is difficult to prove constructive dismissal. And he has to show that he has tried to resolve the situation through the company first of all. I am not an employment expert. But as I understand it he would have to use the companies grievance procedure first to try and resolve the issues. It would only be after that that he could quit and have a chance of suing for constructive dismissal. But look at the acas site as it is very good for employment advice.

ivykaty44 · 13/06/2011 19:32

Unison have assisted with grievances retrospectivley

grovel · 13/06/2011 19:37

I suggest you get DH to write/email his boss expressing his dismay and asking for a meeting (with a third party present). Very calm letter/email. Your DH needs to be seen to be unhappy (and reasonable) ASAP.

HerRoyalNotness · 13/06/2011 19:38

With your DHs skills, he should be looking for a management position, even if outside his direct industry. He can translate his 20yrs experience into a new industry with some training of the new product. What about even places like Tesco/Asda etc.. bakery manager, or any of the foodstuffs management. In another foodstuff producer too, his skills will be valuable. He needs to look at bigger companies.

Anything like that around your way or within a decent commute?

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