Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not forgiving brother?

61 replies

Dillydollydaydream · 13/06/2011 14:02

Just wondered what other people's views are?

Last year my brother 24 stole 10k from my parents using their credit card to withdraw money from cash machines while they were out of the country on holiday.
He lived with hisGF and used the money to buy stuff for the house, a car, clothes, jewellery etc

Nobody found out until the credit card company rang my parents on their return from holiday :(

My mum was devastated but refused to report the incident to the police so she had to pay back the money herself by remortgaging her house. My dad was made redundant and she couldn't afford the mortgage repayments- no mortgage protection insurance etc.

We tried to help out money wise by giving what we could admittedly only £600 but with 3 kids and a mortgage myself it's all I could offer.

Anyway in the end they had to rent out their home to cover the mortgage and my parents moved in with my grandparents.
My mum hates it there and was really upset to be leaving the family home :(

Now fast-forward. Brother and the GF split up. He has no where to go so he's moved in with grandparents and parents. All apparently is forgiven.
He does not work. Has never held down a job longer than a few months!!

I've been made to feel a stingy bitch because I didn't remortgage MY house to offer them more money.
My parents refuse to come to my house for birthdays, Christmas etc because the brother isn't invited!
After all the upset ge caused my parents I don't want to know. BUT if my parents have forgiven him AIBU not to forgive him too?

OP posts:
LolaRennt · 13/06/2011 14:53

Explain you won't risk your children's (their grandchildren's) financial situation for their arsehole old enough to know better son.

He is lucky he isnt jail.

TotallyLovely · 13/06/2011 14:53

Is he paying it back?

verytellytubby · 13/06/2011 14:56

Oh my god. I'm shocked by your brother but even more shocked by your parents. They are enabling him.

Stay strong. Do not remortgage. Why's he not working?

AgentZigzag · 13/06/2011 14:56

You would have thought once he got to the first £5000 he'd have noticed it was getting out of control and put a stop to it.

But then, perhaps he didn't care and knew he could get away with it because his parents would bail him out.

I'm really angry on your behalf OP for them trying to make you feel guilty.

verytellytubby · 13/06/2011 14:57

Little wonder he stole from them. He knew there would be no consequences for his actions Shock

DogsBestFriend · 13/06/2011 14:58

YANBU. Simple as that.

pumpernickel10 · 13/06/2011 14:59

Dilly you sure your Bro and my sister are not related?

2 years ago my dad broke his hip,not long lost our mom,I was in a mess so my sister came up to Devon to look after Dad when he was discharged from hospital,now Dad as a diary with all his pin numbers in that he keeps in a draw,my sister found this and started withdrawing money,all in all she took about £6k. Dad only realized what had happened 2 months after when he went to withdraw some monies to give my sister some to say thank you,it had all gone. He called Nationwide they said daily withdrawals had been made.
My dad called me and DH we went over,he was pale with shock,sister had already gone back home to Brum so she did not know she had been found out.
I called her to see why she had done it,she put phone down,we continued calling to no avail. In the end Dad called Nationwide who then called the police and an investigation started for fraud.In the end she talked my Dad round well sort of blackmailed him saying that when Mom died she got nothing (none of us did) she was taking what was hers and that Dad would never see his Grand daughter again. He gave in and told Nationwide to drop it.
I don't have anything to do with her but still send presents to my niece. My dad said he can't forgive her but can forget. This totally divided the family and I am still mad now about it.

pumpernickel10 · 13/06/2011 15:02

My dads 75 too and was stealing from his nest egg,she as not once said sorry and its not mentioned ever.

onclefestere · 13/06/2011 15:03

YANBU. How very sad for you OP.

Georgimama · 13/06/2011 15:11

Just read your clarification that your parents actually think you should re-mortgage your house to bail out them and this shit.

Total madness. They are being completely unreasonable. How dare they put pressure on you to help bail them out of their parenting failures?

Distance yourself from the whole bunch.

TotallyLovely · 13/06/2011 16:12

pumpernickel10 Oh my god that's awful. Was your sister always such a scumbag? I do wonder how these normal people suddenly decide to do something like this.

pumpernickel10 · 13/06/2011 16:24

totally yes shes always been a scumbag, not to this extent shes the sort of person that puts herself first before her own DD. What she spent the money on god only knows,shes the sort of person who expects everyone to owe her something,her phase is "shes the poor relative" she is so wrong its just the rest of us have been careful with money.

Original poster
Dillydollydaydream · 13/06/2011 21:46

:(
Sorry to hear I'm not the only one with a thieving sibling!
Feel bad my children have only seen their grandparents 3 times so far this year. Even on my birthday my dad just put my card through the door. Didn't even knock to see if I was in (I was)! Car was even sitting on the drive so he could see I was there [Angry]

OP posts:
TheFeministsWife · 13/06/2011 22:00

Wow poor you. Sounds very much like my mum's relationship with my nan and her DP. (Both now dead). My mum did everything for my nan, EVERYTHING! Nursed her till the very end, but my mum's 6 brothers who all did absolutely nothing to help my nan were the apples of her eye. They could do no wrong yet my mother was criticised all the time. My mum's youngest brother stole thousands of pounds from both my nan and her DP but he could still do no wrong in their eyes. Makes me so flipping angry. Angry

Your parents are being very unreasonable.

Original poster
Dillydollydaydream · 14/06/2011 09:05

Thanks for all the replies. It helps to have other people's views on it. I didn't think I was being unreasonable really and hubby definitely doesn't think so!
We are hoping to move soon so we'll be near DHs job might help to distance myself from all this! :)

OP posts:
manticlimactic · 14/06/2011 09:12

You're not the only one with a thieving scumbag sibling. I've got one too. And if you think that 24 is old enough to know better, then mine is 56 and is still in denial she did anything wrong other than get caught . At least your brother admitted it and didn't try to blame A) her own mother, saying she's old and forgot or B) her own son.

So YADDNBU. Your parents decided to forgive and forget, it's not up to you to bail them out.

Original poster
Dillydollydaydream · 14/06/2011 10:39

:( there are some awful, dishonest people out there!
Im a bit worried what my parents will think If we move to a bigger house because obviously that means we have lots of money! Hmm
it's sad I'm made to feel guilty about wanting better for my little family!

Whenever we've bought anything new for the house we're always asked what it cost! Not so much of a problem now that they hardly ever visit ;)

OP posts:
TotallyLovely · 14/06/2011 10:59

Is that just since the whole losing house thing or have they always beeen money obsessed?

ShoutyHamster · 14/06/2011 11:01

Next time they ask how much something cost, reply:

'Less than the 10K your thieving scumbag son stole from you, and far less than what would have been the cost to my family of helping bail him out. But why do you ask? If you've decided to blame me for the mess he made, don't you think it's time you were consistent, and fucked off out of mine and your grandchildrens' lives for good? Or do you just want to sit on the fence like you've done all HIS life?

Original poster
Dillydollydaydream · 14/06/2011 11:11

TotallyLovely tbh they have always been quite obsessed/nosey when it comes to money! Not quite sure why.

It is sad they seem to chosen the son that has caused them so much heartache over me but what can you do :(

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 14/06/2011 11:14

What shouty said.

Can't be doing with people that enable this kind of shit.

I would fuck the lot of them off tbh.

pumpernickel10 · 14/06/2011 11:16

Well dilly I will not forgive me sis or forget ever,dad as and thats up to him she is no sister of mine anymore,shes not once offered to pay him back or anything and shes just come back from a holiday abroad,it truly beggers belief the cheek of some people.

AmateurCrastinator · 14/06/2011 11:23

YANBU!

mummyosaurus · 14/06/2011 12:16

YANBU

Your parents are.

TotallyLovely · 14/06/2011 16:43

Why doesn't your brother get a loan to repay his parents? Even part of it would be better then nothing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread