Not forgiving brother?

[Dillydollydaydream]

Just wondered what other people's views are?

Last year my brother 24 stole 10k from my parents using their credit card to withdraw money from cash machines while they were out of the country on holiday.
He lived with hisGF and used the money to buy stuff for the house, a car, clothes, jewellery etc

Nobody found out until the credit card company rang my parents on their return from holiday :(

My mum was devastated but refused to report the incident to the police so she had to pay back the money herself by remortgaging her house. My dad was made redundant and she couldn't afford the mortgage repayments- no mortgage protection insurance etc.

We tried to help out money wise by giving what we could admittedly only £600 but with 3 kids and a mortgage myself it's all I could offer.

Anyway in the end they had to rent out their home to cover the mortgage and my parents moved in with my grandparents.
My mum hates it there and was really upset to be leaving the family home :(

Now fast-forward. Brother and the GF split up. He has no where to go so he's moved in with grandparents and parents. All apparently is forgiven.
He does not work. Has never held down a job longer than a few months!!

I've been made to feel a stingy bitch because I didn't remortgage MY house to offer them more money.
My parents refuse to come to my house for birthdays, Christmas etc because the brother isn't invited!
After all the upset ge caused my parents I don't want to know. BUT if my parents have forgiven him AIBU not to forgive him too?

[fgaaagh]

TotallyLovely that's what any decent person would do, but where's his incentive?

[cremeeggsbenedict]

You are definitely not being unreasonable!

It's the same in my family. My sister (30) stole about a grand from my father's old-person-stash-of-cash in his underwear drawer and then lied about it when caught. This was whilst she was living at home so had no household expenses, was working full time AND my mother was giving her an extra £1,000 per month as she was always claiming poverty. She was forgiven immediately as "we have to forgive our children". I was told it was the same as me shaving my head as a student!!!

In my experience families with spoiled, unable to function adult children have a thing about "family coming first" and all having to stick together, though this only works one way - they never come to your aid when you need it. You're best off shot of them if they continue to make you feel guilty about his actions and their subsequent choices.

[Dillydollydaydream]

I doubt he'd get a loan with no job.
I've worked since 16 to earn my own money but he couldn't even hold down a job at Burger King. My parents just made excuses saying they were picking on him etc. Surely it's him every single workplace can't be 'picking on him'??

[superjobeespecs]

i have a sis like this she randomly burgles my mum taking tvs dvd players bikes etc, runs up huge bills on her credit cards, borrows hundreds she cant pay back all whilst my BIL claims dla neither of them work and have been frauding off iphones for over a year in about 8 diff names at around 6/7 diff addresses. my mum is going on holiday with them when i am due my looooong long awaited second child, after DH and i offered to pay for her to come with us on holiday so our DD could see her granny as my mum is always far faaaar too busy babysitting for my sis. parents can really suck sometimes and being 'the good kid' doesnt get you anywhere at least not in my family sadly.

[Dillydollydaydream]

I agree :(
Starting to think being nice gets you nowhere in life!

[superjobeespecs]

only with certain ppl im sure :) there are lots of ppl who appreciate us good folk just for some reason there outwith our families

[BarbarianMum]

YANBU

We have a similar situation with my younger brother. My father can't cope with being angry at him so I am made to feel unhelpful and unsupportive for distancing myself and refusing to help fund his habit (he is a herion addict).

But also

[LouMacca]

'Bloody hell, what has your brother got over your parents to lie, cheat and steal 10 grand from them and instead of forcing him to take responsibility for it, they give up their whole life for him?

I think I'd be more pissed off at your parents for letting him get away with it, they can't complain if he does it to them again.

YANBU to not want anything to do with the thief, and your parents are unreasonable trying to force the issue by emotionally blackmailing you and your family.

I'd leave them all to it.'

Completely agree AgentZigzag

Bloody hell OP YADNBU - I really feel for you.

[Cymar]

OP when you were single your family were your DM, DF, and siblings. Now you have a DH and kids, they are your family and priority. Your parents must have a major sense of entitlement to expect you to remortgage your house to help them. If that's the case, then I can see where your DB gets his attitude from.

[LilQueenie]

It is sad they seem to chosen the son that has caused them so much heartache over me but what can you do

Similar position. My Dp is going through hell because his brother has always been the favourite despite causing nothing but trouble. He is refusing to go back to visit for a good while now.

[oohlaalaa]

YANBU