To make the kids pay back the £10 they lost?

[Lorenz]

So this morning, I'm covered in paint, needed milk, asked the kids if they'd pop to shop for me some milk and get themselves some sweets for when we watch a dvd this afternoon. I then realised I only had a £20 note. DS1 is 12 so I thought I could trust him and off they went after me telling them to be careful with the the money.

Then they get back and due to pratting around, arguining and messing around in the street they have lost a £10 note. I seriously CANNOT afford to just "Lose" £10 like this. I have sent them back to look for it (hardly likely to still be there if they'd dropped it however) and have said if they can't find it they're to go to the cash machine and get £10 out of the their own bank to pay me back the money (so £5 each).

AIBU?

Due to their reaction I would make them pay it back, they need to learn the value of money.

Everyone loses things now and again, I still do it. I'm sure they'll be careful now but wouldn't it be sod's law it you lost your purse tomorrow after telling them off.
It happened to me

OP, I think you need to be a lot harder on them when they lose things, given by what you said in one of your most recent posts. They don't seem to appreciate what they have. I think if you started making them pay for what they lose, their attitude should change.

But Mutt they DO lose things

I remember my eldest being 13 and losing the gas card. Shit happens.

I need to be stricter on them altogether tbh. They take no responsibilty for anything. Yesterday my washing was out and I was in the middle of making dinner and it began to rain. I asked DS2 if he'd bring in the washing and his reaction was "nah, too cold". And he wouldn't do it.

Their bedrooms are a tip, they do nothing around the house at all, I'm just getting sick to death of being a mug to be honest. They have no respect for anything.

The OP's children, though, seem to have a laissez faire attitude to their possessions and they've shown no concern for losing the £10 that she desperately needed. With that attitude, even if she didn't need the money, she should have made them repay it. How, otherwise, will they learn?

Um, you don't sound as if you like them very much OP. Sorry, but thats the way its coming across.

They are not your personal servants to do tasks for you.

Take the money every time they 'lose' things.
At 10 and 12 they should be made to be more responsible about their things that you pay for.
If they are not bothered about ipods don't get them one, get them something else, say I though you weren't bothered about ipods.
They need to learn and you will teaching them a valuable lesson.

I know people lose things, but hese dcs sound as though they need consequences and learn to be a bit more responsible.

You are doing the right thing

So you don't think kids should do a few things around the house now and again?

And the comment about me not liking them is fucking pathetic to be honest. How stupid.

Sorry that was directed at nijinsky.

Mutt, I told him he'd have to wait longer for his dinner then whilst I brought the washing in. I wish now I'd made him do it.

@ Mutt

It's hardly asking someone to be their personal servant if you ask them to bring in the washing while you cook. Quite a reasonable request I'd have thought.

nijinksy - how on earth do you extrapolate to that judgement from what the OP has said? She is talking about their behaviour not her feelings towards them.

And presumably his clothes were on the washing line too.

nijinsky she sounds exasperated by their selfish attitudes, and I don't blame her.

Well, it happened to me as well, lessons learned all round I guess.

Lorenz it does sound like they need an awful lot more discipline. It isnt just the losing the money but also the throwing the shopping on the ground. Totally crap behaviour all round plus a crap attitude. Paying the money back would be only the start.

As far as bedrooms are concerned I would be looking at stripping everything out bar the essentials. Everything else into boxes/bags. They can then earn the contents back with markedly improved behaviour.

Time for a bit of tough love!

OP I agree with Mutt that 'Helping out around the house is being part of a family'. How to get kids to actually do this, does involve a combination of talking it through (what's fair and not fair) and consequences for anyone taking the piss. My DD and DS are much, much better now that they're a bit older (young teenagers). We still have disagreements, though, but they do 'get it' that I'm not able to do it all on my own. But we had some awful times a couple of years ago.