To make the kids pay back the £10 they lost?

[Lorenz]

So this morning, I'm covered in paint, needed milk, asked the kids if they'd pop to shop for me some milk and get themselves some sweets for when we watch a dvd this afternoon. I then realised I only had a £20 note. DS1 is 12 so I thought I could trust him and off they went after me telling them to be careful with the the money.

Then they get back and due to pratting around, arguining and messing around in the street they have lost a £10 note. I seriously CANNOT afford to just "Lose" £10 like this. I have sent them back to look for it (hardly likely to still be there if they'd dropped it however) and have said if they can't find it they're to go to the cash machine and get £10 out of the their own bank to pay me back the money (so £5 each).

AIBU?

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

So they managed to bring back the shopping but lost a £10 note? If they didn't give you a receipt from the shop, can you be sure they didn't spend the tenner on other goodies for themselves?

Make this the turning point; they repay you from their own accounts, and you take the necessary firm steps to ensure that they are transformed into considerate and helpful dcs otherwise you'll be making 2 rods for the unfortunate females they eventually share homes with

If you are ever tempted to waiver, repeat the mantra 'I'm doing it for the sisterhood', or 'for my future dils' or 'for my grandchildren', or whatever phrase gets you back on track.

[emmanana]

Silly comment about personal servants Kids have to learn that when everyone pitches in and gives a hand things get done quicker. When I was a kid (30 years ago), after dinner, one washed the dishes, one dried, and one put things away. Only right that mum could put her feet up for 5 minutes after cooking. Everyone should help.
I earned pocket money as a teenager doing the ironing. All my Dads Shirts for a couple of £. (and so did DH)
My sisters kids (all 13+) are clueless when it comes to ironing, so it taught me, and DH a household skill.

[Goblinchild]

I think you've got bigger problems than them losing a tenner TBH.
I'd start with a week of basic food without any treats at all. Lovely, wholesome and nutritious.
Then I'd start on the bone idleness and rude attitude towards being a member of a family unit.
How long will it take DS1 to save up for the new iPod touch?
You are enabling them to become drones, and as a parent that's not a good idea. You don't sound as if you are enjoying it.

[kiki22]

take the £10 back from them since thy don't seem to think £10 is a big deal then they won't mind a fiver each from their own pockets will they :)

[PlanetEarth]

Oh I'd definitely make them pay it back. They're not taking it seriously - why should you lose out on £10 because they're acting irresponsibly? And they could obviously do with learning to take care of things.

And yes, they're kids, but at 10 and 12 they're old enough to have managed this task.

[TastesLikePanda]

Zukiecat

That kind of thing happened to my DH a lot as a child. He still bears the scars (lit and fig)

[olibeansmummy]

You could do the shopping next week with NO treats what so ever, no crisps, sweets, chocolate, puddings or anything other than essential food, to teach your ds a lesson about the flippant remark he made about just spending £10 less on groceries. Or I'd do as you suggest and make them pay you back. They need to learn to look after things.

As for nijinksy's post, what a load of rubbish!

[AuntiePickleBottom]

yabu, when ever i was sent to the shops i had a small purse to keep money in to keep the money safe..unless you gave them a purse to keep the money safe

[valiumredhead]

Ds has done this, I TOLD him not to put the change in a kangaroo style pocket and he did and he lost it.

He paid it back out of his pocket money. He's been VERY careful since

[woopsidaisy]

DS1 had started becoming very sloppy in regard to his school uniform. They have a cap, he had lost it. He lost his entire swimming bag with contents in the first month. Sports plimsols gone. I said that if he didn't find them he would have to pay half for the cap and shoes. He found them. He is six.
I just felt I would be forever shelling out for new bits of expensive uniform if I didn't come down hard.
He is saving for a car when he is seventeen,so hates to give up his savings!
Hasn't lost anything else since then.

[HowlingBitch]

nijinsky So you do absolutely everything for your DC and your mum did absolutely everything for you? These situations teach children responsibly and the value of possessions and money so when they are fully grown adults and have to provide for themselves they are able to cope.

OP is also trying to show her DC that there is consequences for silly behavior especially when it involves money which says to me she likes her children a lot.

[BalloonSlayer]

"They are not your personal servants to do tasks for you."



So, nijinsky by that reasoning, you think that the OP is the personal servant to do tasks for her DCs, do you?

Lorenz I would definitely take the money.

[LineRunner]

OP I agree with Mutt that 'Helping out around the house is being part of a family'. How to get kids to actually do this, does involve a combination of talking it through (what's fair and not fair) and consequences for anyone taking the piss. My DD and DS are much, much better now that they're a bit older (young teenagers). We still have disagreements, though, but they do 'get it' that I'm not able to do it all on my own. But we had some awful times a couple of years ago.

[GnomeDePlume]

Lorenz it does sound like they need an awful lot more discipline. It isnt just the losing the money but also the throwing the shopping on the ground. Totally crap behaviour all round plus a crap attitude. Paying the money back would be only the start.

As far as bedrooms are concerned I would be looking at stripping everything out bar the essentials. Everything else into boxes/bags. They can then earn the contents back with markedly improved behaviour.

Time for a bit of tough love!

[LineRunner]

Well, it happened to me as well, lessons learned all round I guess.

[ilovesooty]

nijinsky she sounds exasperated by their selfish attitudes, and I don't blame her.

[ilovesooty]

And presumably his clothes were on the washing line too.

[phatcat]

nijinksy - how on earth do you extrapolate to that judgement from what the OP has said? She is talking about their behaviour not her feelings towards them.

[ilovesooty]

It's hardly asking someone to be their personal servant if you ask them to bring in the washing while you cook. Quite a reasonable request I'd have thought.

[Lorenz]

@ Mutt

[Lorenz]

Mutt, I told him he'd have to wait longer for his dinner then whilst I brought the washing in. I wish now I'd made him do it.