Drop and go party- can I stay?

[JackyJax]

I'm a normally relaxed mum of DS5. He's done one drop and go party before with a friend of mine who I've known for 5 years.

He's now been invited to another drop and go party by a little girl in his class at school. The girl's mother works so I've only spoken to her twice before- very superficial coversation due to lack of time, hi, how are you, etc. I met the dad once at a children's party. Both parents seem really nice, down to earth, friendly, etc. Child also seems nice.

BUT I don't know the parents: they're really complete strangers and I'm not that comfortable with my son going to a stranger's house.

I understand why invite is drop and go- it's a pain catering to parents and kids are often better behaved when parents aren't there- and I know my son will be fine.

However, I really want to stay for eg 20 minutes just to get a better feel for the parents, etc. Is this unreasonable. How would you feel if you had arranged a drop and go party and a mum said, 'Hope you don't mind if I just hand around for 20 minutes to make sure x is settled, then I'll be out of your hair.'

Husband thinks I should just let him go and I agree but would like that 20 minute period first.

Would this be ok?

YABU. drop and go. Clues in the name

YABU

I also think it's a bit insulting to the host that they won't supervise your child.

Re the swimming pool thing - what you say just doesn't make sense. If you are worried about your son drowning in the pool, why do you plan to stay only 20 mins? Isn't there a risk during the rest of the party?

My goodness, you're all making me out to sound like a nutter wandering around with my clipboard and critiquing the icing on the cake ("Does it contain sugar? Be gone evil substance!).

Dancegirl re swim pool, if it was ungated then obviously I wouldn't just leave the party after 20 mins. Child can't swim but- like Jesus- seems to think he can walk on water.

I didn't realise how narked a mother would get if I lingered. I recently had a drop and go party and two parents stayed saying they weren't comfortable with drop and go parties in general. I didn't have a problem with this and just roped them in to help so they'd feel awkward. I ended up getting to know them better so it was all fine. I didn't feel insulted: they didn't know me (we've only been at school for 10 weeks in Aus as school term doesn't start until Feb) so I knew it wasn't really about me.

Up until school, I knew the mothers of my son's friends really well and playdates were a chance for us all to catch up.

I recently did a couple of play dates with mums from the school and said you can drop and go or stay and both chose to stay. I thought that was pretty normal. Did another playdate though and the mum virtually roller skated away as freedom beckoned!

Mums around here are lovely so it's not that I don't trust them per se. I really am surprised though that a mum would feel annoyed at me staying. I'm a teacher too so I just assume I'd be able to be of some use at a party, rather than being a rude old bat who was calling out comments on the party games and demanding regular cups of tea.

Anyhow, have heard what you've all said. Might just stay for 5 mins but will leave hard hat, clipboard and risk assessment forms in the car for when DS goes on his first date!

Tee hee. Thanks guys, J.

Wow, AIBU where the OP accepts they ABU and nobody gets nasty! I want my money back, this is not how it's meant to be :o

Hope your DS enjoys the party Jacky :) It must be hard in a new country to assess risks. Especially in a country with so many ways to die as Australia! :o

Hi OP - I had an awkward situation yesterday where parents unexpectedly stayed for a 6 year old's party - see www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1235138-to-not-be-hospitable-to-parents-who-stayed-during-a-childs-party

Quite a few lingered for the first 5 mins or so - and I've done the same, and nearly always did when my dd was 4/5 - if you just say 'I'll just get him settled for a few minutes' I'm sure that would be fine. It is a bit of a rite of passage to leave your child at someone else's house but you sound reasonable. Good luck and hope your ds has a great time. Don't forget he is with these other children at school and will probably barely give a backwards glance at you once he warms up

You don't sound like a nutter to me :) and at 5 my son would not have been happy just to be left immediately and would have needed a bit of time to get used to being there before I went, say 15 minutes or so.

I'm from NZ and I think Australians will probably be a lot less uptight about all this than the British anyway, so I would just go in and see how you feel at the time and what seems appropriate. Does it actually say on the invitation that you have to drop the child and leave immediately? That sounds nutty to me! I can understand that it would seem odd if you stayed for the whole party, but a bit of settling-in time seems fine to me.

We live in Luxembourg now, after several years in France, and in both countries parents usually hang around for 15 minutes at the start of a party (not being entertained, just chatting to each other really) and then often for half an hour to an hour at the end when you pick the kids up - in fact I've found it the best way of getting to know people, and the hosts usually have a few drinks and nibbles for that purpose. At the softplay type parties they normally say parents are welcome to stay for the duration (as they are a bit far from where poeple live) and will usually shout everyone a coffee.

You don't want him to go to a drop and go party if you don't know the parents.
That is what he has been invited to.

You would seriously drop him off, linger, decide its not safe and drag him off away from a party where he is having fun with friends? If you think there is any chance of that I suggest you don't take him at all (and do something else fun with him instead) as that would be cruel.

It is nice to have an AIBU when the OP listens!

OP I think you are right to have concerns. I have never had a "drop and go" invitation - that seems bizarre to me for 5 year olds. Ultimately you are responsible for the safety of your child. I don't think I am overprotective as a parent and I think the attitudes here are frankly cavalier.

Yes of course its lovely to have 2 hours to yourself without the responsibilty for your child, but leaving a 5 year old in an unknown envionment, with a party atmosphere, and unspecified number of adults who you don't know, frankly good luck with that . As I have said previously there was pretty much always blood drawn at parties for receptioners at my "nice, middle class state school" - from punches and kicks to the head, accidental and otherwise. Take your chances if you will.