To think that I have possibly found the most insensitive person on the planet? (warninbg this may be upsetting to some)

[toptramp]

As you may have read in my other threads, my mum is dying of mouth cancer and I am finding the suffering aspect of it very hard to deal with.
I confided in my childminder that I was finding it hard as she has lost family to cancer. She said ''oh mouth cancer is a particularly nasty one. So and sos dad died of it and he had pus coming out of his eyes.''

Cue me thinking even more about my poor mum and spending the whole day in a deep depression.

Do people like this KNOW they are doing it or are they just a bit thick?

i am sorry you have to hear this but some people really do not think before they open their mouths

hopefully she feels crap for being so insensitive, i would imagine she is

Wow.. that is just incredibly insensitive and thoughtless. :(

And very sorry to hear about your mum too. My dad had cancer in the roof of his mouth, so I understand how utterly horrific it is. :(

Oh, how thoughtless :( Cancer is a shit disease, I'm so sorry you and you're mum are going through this

Please try to wipe the image from your mind though, or it will drive you mad :(

Can I also say, that didnt happen with my Dad. Every case will be different, so this ignorant woman is also talking bollocks. Yes it MAY happen, but equally it may not.

She's an insensitive loon, but is probably posting elsewhere on MN to say 'Oh God I can't believe what came out of my mouth today I feel awful'... I'm so sorry about your Mum

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. :(

Incredibly insensitive, yes. But hopefully also stupidly naive, rather than malicious.

If anyone has an ulcer in their mouth that won't go away after a week go and get it checked out immediately. My mum had what she thought was an ulcer and the dr kept sending her away with bonjella. It was fucking cancer. She is 58 and has never smoked. Both her parents smoked for 60 years. her dad died of old age and her mum is still alive at 88. Life just is not fucking fair. Sorry to rant but I'm terribly bitter and feel robbed. Can God or whatever not just give us a fucking break sometimes so we can just enjoy living on this sodding planet?

She's not malicious. Just over blunt.

Someone very close to me had oral cancer, he had what he thought was ulcers and was referred, the consultant didn't do any proper checks and sent him away in the six months before it was found it progressed to the stage where it was lethal, however he survived. Five years on the consultant was found to be negligent in over 60 cases. Your mother now has to seek legal advice with regards her doctor.

Never see a doctor it is only a dentist who can determine what is in fact lethal or not.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum OP...and yes your CM is very insensitive

Yanbu. I'm sure she didn't mean to be a total pillock but sometimes we just mess up. With regard to what she said - banish all such thoughts. Very likely she'd got that all wrong but even if she hadn't then it sounds to me like an eye infection operating alongside the cancer. Very ill people often get that sort of thing because their body isn't up to fighting like it does when it's well but like everything else it can be treated with palliative measures.
Life isn't fair btw. You are absolutely bang on right with that one. My bil died three montsh ago from lung cancer leaving my sister a widow at 31. It's very, very hard to deal with.

Very sorry to hear about your mum.

Maybe she just didnt know what toi say.I wouldnt think she was being deliberatly nasty.

So sorry about your mum . My mum died of cancer and people just say truly shitty things out of ignorance, fear or LaLaLaLa-if-I-pretend-this-is-this-it-will-go-away. I seem to recall that something similar was said to my Dad when his second wife died of liver cancer. Some people are stupid and thoughtless and forget to press the "think" button instead of the "speak" button.

I hope your mum is comfortable and well-cared for.

YANBU -but I think give her the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately with illness some people have to go one better .Maybe its to try and make you fell better that someone else is in a similar or worse situation, but it really doesn't help you.
for you and your mum.

OMG!!!! What planet is she on???

How thoughtless.

I am so sorry you are going through this awful time.

TT, has your mums illness progressed to terminal or is there still a chance of recovery?

My dad had terrible tooth pain, and his incompetant twat of a dentist took over a year faffing about before finally sending him to the Dental Hospital, where they discovered the tumour. He had a biopsy, and shortly afterwards an 18 hour op, which meant losing the roof of his mouth, his cheekbone, an eye, and a long long recovery.

He obviously could barely talk due to the surgery done on his mouth, but he tried, and had speech therapy as well as radiotherapy and one of his "best friends" bumped into my mum while shopping and said "sorry I havent been round, but I find it so difficult to understand what he is trying to say"... my mum just looked at him in disgust and walked away. :(

I know she didn't mean it; it was just such a horrific image. Mum is comfortable and not in pain but it is so sad seeing a once bright and able women disintegrate and loose her faculties. Death comes to us all and often it isn't dignified. She is so amazing though. She has fighting spirit an dthe other day was folding tea towels and doing the laundry as though nothing was happening. She refuses to stay in bed and walks with a stick. She's the best.

Terminal. Two months max but looking at her I think mabe a few weeks. Mercifully I think as it's awful for her. I just can't believe that it can't be cured.

Some people just don't engage brain when they speak. So sorry this twerp upset you toptramp. Avoid all topics of conversation with her apart from teh weather, I think stupid people tend to be repeat offenders on the foot-in-mouth syndrome front.

I had someone tell me once that I couldn't possibly understand how upset she was over her parents getting a divorce when she left for university because my parents were dead and so I'd never have to go through the pain of them getting a divorce

You just have to wonder about some people, they aren't on the same planet as the rest of us.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom op
Your childminder is an insensitive so and so

I am so so sorry. :( My dad fought so hard, and got back to teaching (he was a dance teacher) but 3 years after the first op, he got secondary cancer and that was very quick. He was 61 when he died.

YANBU how utterly horrible ansd such a needless thing to say. There are a lot of thick people about unfortunately.

My heart goes out to your poor mum, and to you and the rest of your family.

Sorry to hear about your mum OP. Hope your taking care of yourself during this. Your friends was insensitive, but you know what, some folk just don't know how to express themselves so well when suddenly faced with certain situations. I guess this news may have caught your friend by surprise and maybe she's trying to say (in a not-so-great way) that your not alone in this IYSWIM.

You need to look after yourself too OP. Please, please do that. Make sure you get some quiet time to have a good cry in private, maybe when the kids are in bed sleeping.