to not want to spend time with my DF now that she's let herself go?

[youdknowwhoiwas]

My oldest friend, from infants, has over that last 10 years, in my opinion started to not really care about her appearance.

She's put on weight, and dresses frumpily.

I'm really uncomfortable to be out in public with her, because I hate people looking at us and judging. So I think I may be visibly squirming, but I don't think she's noticed.

I still love spending time with her and we visit each others' houses regularly and spend all major celebrations together. Our DC are best friends. And our DHs were at school together so we're very close. And this wouldn't change, just maybe scale back on the public appearances so I wouldn't get that awkward feeling.

AIBU?

Have you ever thought there might be a reason why this is the case and that you might be able to help? Is she depressed?

Or is she just content with her life and herself and thinking to herself that you have a problem because you are so judgemental and vain?

Youknow - she's a shallow beeatch isn't she?

I bet you're not frumpy either and she's just nasty and I wouldn't want to spend time with such a person if I were you.

Sorry but I know how the OP feels.
My mother is morbidly obese and goes out with food down her clothes.
I cringe when I see people doing a double take, and they do.

I feel very :( for you. Don't worry about being 'devious', you needed those reactions and I completely understand why.

Are you definitely sure she's not just uncomfortable on your behalf? I'm not dismissing your perspective, just would be a shame to lose a friend unless you're sure about this.

But if you are, then yes, you're right, she's not a true friend.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. :(

Fuck. I'm really sorry :( Yes, it sounds like you have a truly shitty 'friend'. FWIW you are probably me. I know how it feels.

xpost with the OP. Yup - lose the friend.

depends really. If you're 300lbs or something then yes it would be uncomfortable and you really should do something for your own health. If you're just fat then your friend needs to let it go and be a better friend.

no friend would do this. She is a shallow bitch, tip a drink on her next time you are out and say loudy- "Oh God you've wee'ed yourself again!"

Then walk out, head held high.

I am so sorry your friend is a twat. It would be very sad for such a long and happy friendship to be ruined by such shallow behaviour. Perhaps you should give it a rest for a while to give yourself a break and recover some self esteem. Only you know if her good points are worth retaining the friendship for, but it sounds like she's not doing you much good at the moment.

I seriously know how you feel. I too have put on weight dont want to buy new clothes cos i always think im going to lose weight but I dont, therefore I look awful in what I wear. I feel frumpy and stared at but find it hard to be bothered to anything about it.

My friend from school who i have always been close to, often organises girly nights out i'm never invited, we only meet up at each others houses, I know she hates to be seen with me and it is a truely horrible gut wrenching feeling and I have now started to distance myself from her, and I think you should do the same with your friend. I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

I seem to spend SO much time banging my head on the floor at the moment, I may not bother standing up anymore.

Can someone put a bendy straw in my tequila please? Ta.

OP, you say you have let yourself go and so have I to be honest - are YOU uncomfortable with that?

Oh fuck, I see. That is horrible. And your friend is a twatbasket.

Why don't you lose some weight and get back with it? Why have you let yourself go? Are you not happy at home? dont you want to feel attractive?

Tactful as ever, FabbyChic ...

OP .

How horrible. I wonder if there is a way you can't check she is not just embarassed on your behalf? If it is that she is ashamed, I would ditch her fast.

fabby that is bloody nasty...

Do you need to be a certain size to "feel attractive"?

Fabby are you the friend?

Fabby seems to feed off the souls of others sometimes....

Are you sure she is doing this? Are you sure those teens were laughing at you?

Maybe its because you are feeling so awful about your self you think everyone else does?

Please dont feel bad. I doubt very very much you look terrible. It sounds like you feel terrible though and thats very sad.

If I am wrong and your 'friend' is doing this she is NOT your friend.

Hang on, Fabby might've been a little, erm, harsh.... but the questions are fair enough really.
I'd have tried to be a bit more sensitive though...

Nah, I think Fabby is asking a pertinent if painful series of questions. There's something to be said for not beating about the bush...

If OP is happy with how she is then sod the friend for being shallow, but if she is unhappy then do somthing about it but still sod the friend for being shallow.

But that wasn't the question. The issue was with the friend. The OP didn't ask for diet advice.

Saying sod the friend is easy when it's not you involved, whether you're happy with yourself or not.

True, but the OP begs the question 'is the OP happy?'

The fact that the friend is shallow surely means that the friendship is not as valuable as originally perceived...whether that means calling time on it or creating some distance is the OP's call. I'd be sad, but would give it up if my friend turned out to be so unworthy.