AIBU in adoring DS's lovely teacher whose eyes filled with tears when DS and I told her about the death of the hamster

[pretentiouswasteoftime]

Our little hammie died last night totally unexpectedly so we are very sad today. DS was keen that I let his teacher know this morning. We told her and DS shed a few tears, she just welled up and spoke about her daughter's hamster who they were all very fond of and who had died some weeks ago.

She didn't make DS go into the playground with the other children before school but took him off to "help" her get some things ready for the day and said he could be her " special helper" which DS loved.

When I collected DS this afternoon she came out with him holding a book called "Dragonflies" which is for talking about death to children. She said we could borrow it for as long as we wanted. She told me that DS has done some work about loss today and been encouraged to talk about his feelings. This apparently helped all the class as they recalled pets they had loved and lost or loved ones.

Just so grateful DS is in the school he is as they are all just fantastic there. And DS's teacher is wonderful with him (he has ASD and ADHD). DS is just coming to the end of Y3 and has another couple of years yet in this supportive school. I am so glad.

My favourite hamster was called Stumpy (because he lost a leg at a young age. He used to get around on his three remaining legs, aided by his enormous testicles).

Well yes indeed, wotnochocs. And if a teacher cannot cope with hearing about the death of a hamster, what other skills is she imparting to children in the "learned helplessness" camp?

I'd be extremely worried.

I wouldn't be worried, but I think my eyebrow may go if DDs teacher cried over the death of a pet that wasn't even hers.
I would not say anything though, I'd leave DD and her teacher to enjoy their drama together.

I do see your point, but I don't think that empathy - even to the point of shedding a tear at hearing about the death of a child's pet - is a sign of helplessness or weakness. Emotions being close to the surface, and someone being happy to let them show, are not necessarily a sign that a person does not deal well with the harsh realities of life. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that people who are not afraid to do that are perhaps better equipped to cope.

Just speaking personally - I well up at the drop of a hat, but I'm pretty robust emotionally and I think the two things are perhaps obscurely linked :)

The teacher coped beautifully. It seems like she turned the entire day around to use the OP's son's experience to teach the entire class about how to cope with death and loss, and the emotions that go with them. She sounds like a very skilled teacher who can improvise effectively and sense the mood of the children. Most admirable. Hardly helpless, fgs! Also, empathy does not mean drama.

(I do agree with you that "learned helplessness" is awful, and deeply irritating to boot.)

I'm with wotnochocs :) Perhaps if they were in reception, but not in Y3.

Well, I think that the line between empathising and over-empathising (and therefore role-modelling to children how to be overpowered by emotion) is a fine one. But it is clear to me that a teacher who cries upon hearing of the death of a child's pet is over empathising.

I also think that a certain amount of briskness is a desirable quality in a primary school teacher. Among her teachers, my DD certainly prefers the sensible brisk ones with high standards.

Really? I always liked the caring ones. Each to their own

She welled up when talking about the death of their own family pet a few weeks earlier.

Can some people not read

Ah, I think briskness is much kinder and more caring than sentimentality .

If you think that is passive-aggressive, I can (sort of) understand how you can forgive teachers that shed tears at deaths of hamsters...

[get a grip emoticon]

Actually, if there was an emoticon for "get a grip", I would compete for MN's number one user

Which part of north London is this fab school in?

It would have been a much better addition to the emoticon arsenal than the pombear/wine/tea fluffiness.

Just snorted coffee over my laptop reading about EndoplasmicReticulum's hamster's testicles. .

some people are being a bit harsh on the teacher. FGS, she didn't go running off in tears and have to be sent home. she showed basic human empathy towards a child in her care, and was reliving her own family's loss, and went on to rejig the day to take this situation into account in a way which helped this child and probably others cope with learning about death. Fantastic.

what would you prefer - she says to the parent i cant talk now make an appointment. Or tuts and says tough, we leave our home lives at the door - get inside and get ready for your spelling test.

Ds also has ASD and ADHD. his amazing teacher told me that DS had been talking to him about moving to high school (it is a SN school and so most of his class will be going to the same Sn high school) but his best friend will be going elsewhere.

Ds Cried that he would miss his friend. DS is not a particularly emotional lad and is very much a "boy"
It made my eyes sting to think of him so upset and his teacher also had a bit of a watery eye just telling me.

I think it was lovely. it showed how deeply he cared for my DS and how comfortable DS must be with him that he felt it ok to cry.

Ignore those saying the teacher was being silly.

ah what a nice teacher :) she sounds smart and practical

I know one school with a class hamster who always wakes up and sits and watches their phonics lessons. He's an educated hamster - he knows s a t i p n (and I forget the next set of Jolly Phonics sounds off the top of my head)!

And kids are usually fascinated by the idea teachers have pets too - and always disgustingly interested in the logistical ideas about how I have a three-legged cat (they're convinced I'm the one who personally did the amputation). I'd have shown empathy - but wouldn't have allowed full-blown wallowing in it all day - it's striking that balance because you do have some kids who'd still be using it as an excuse not to go out on the playground come year 6 - seriously I've had "Miss can I stay inside this playtime I'm feeling sad because my hamster died," shown a load of concern and sympathy then found out it died three years ago and Jenny tries this one every time there's a supply teacher in and it's a little bit cold out!

I hope she never has to read Dogger - I find it so sad! She sounds a lovely teacher. My dd2 had a teacher who said 'Pull yourself together' when a child was weeping about parents separating and let someone else off homework when their dog died which dd2 was a bit about.

Aw that's lovely. Not in the same league I know but I still adore ds1's old teacher, who when ds1 needed to have glasses, made it a point to bring her glasses to school rather than wear contacts the rest of that week so he felt better about wearing his.