This might be long.
DS is not quite 2yo and to say he can be a handful is putting it mildly but it's only when we're out because at home he's a completely different child.
We go to toddler group and he's like a tornado. He rushes in and dashes from activity to activity like a ball of over excited energy. The other kids are 2-3yo so he's a few months younger and they just sort of look at him in shocked silence while many of the other mums, but not all, stare with judgey expressions. At toddler group on Tuesday he rubbed his painty hands into a little girl's hair, shovelled sand from the sand pit directly onto the floor, and kept dragging out the toys from the baby group's cupboard. I spend most of the two hours pulling him away from the toilets where he will chuck all the loo roll into the toilet if he gets the opportunity. When I'm not chasing him out of the loo I'm chasing him back into the room. The door doesn't lock so he often runs out into the corridor and tries to join the adult education classes or staff meetings going on in the other rooms. He snatches toys off one child and will try give them immediately to another child so that he can take whatever toy that child is playing with.
At other people's houses he's just as bad. He has a cousin the same age and I have friends with children the same age so he gets lots of playdates. He tries to wander off into the kitchen or bathroom, if there's a closed door he has to see what's behind it. He flings the toys everywhere. If there's a button or switch it gets pressed. He turns the TV on/off, opens all the DVD cases and takes out the DVDs, picks ornaments up, chases pets, and is generally boisterous.
I'm expecting to be flamed for being a lax parent and not watching him or guiding him but I do. I don't hover over him but I do watch him and as soon as I see him do these things I stop him, I tell him why he can't behave like that, and I either show him the right way like how to share for example or I take him away like when he's touching things he shouldn't. I take him out of the room or situation of need be and calm him down before going back. At our house he's totally different. He's not an angel, no child is, but he's much calmer and plays in a totally different way. He's a lovely boy and even when we're out he's not nasty or spiteful and while his behaviour isn't acceptable he's not actually doing it to be deliberately naughty he just gets too excited and forgets that there are boundaries and wants to do everything his own way and everything at once.
I'm getting pressure, mainly from PILs, to get him tested for behavioural problems. They keep telling me he's not normal and that none of his cousins were like this at that age. They also say things like there are no naughty children only lazy parents. I tell them he's not naughty and they agree he's not but then say he's not like other little boys though. They think I should start tapping him bum or the back of his hand because telling him and showing him obviously isn't working in their opinion. I've tapped him hand once and we were both in tears afterwards, him because I'd tapped him and me because I felt physically sick by it because I felt like I'd lost my temper and therefore lost control.
On the one hand I feel like a bad mother because the things I'm trying to teach him seem to be taking forever to sink in and despite months and months of it we seem no further forward. The faces and comments of the other mums and PILs makes me feel like I'm failing him and like I'm letting him run wild, children are a reflection of their parents is anther favourite PILs keep telling me. But on the other hand I feel like everyone should just bugger off and butt out. He's so loving and has a sunny personality, he's bright and inquisitive and imaginative and for all he can be wild he loves other children and loves getting out and about, I make a point of going out each day with him even if just to the park. He's an almost two year old, he's not going to sit still or act perfectly or be sedate. Yes he can be wild and I feel frustrated but if I keep repeating and repeating and setting the tone it'll eventually click, I would have thought so anyway. I hope.
I knew this would be long! I just feel so confused. I want him to be wellbehaved but short of strapping him to a chair I don't see what more I can do other than keep going with what we're doing, DP and I are consistent and we both sing from the same page when it comes to reining him in, I feel like it is just a matter of his age and that he'll calm down as he develops. I worry though that he's not normal, especially when I'm getting suggestions I should get him tested, and I dread toddler group because of the judgey mothers but don't want to stop taking him because he does enjoy it especially song time.
Bloody hell I need a
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AIBU?
AIBU? On the one hand I feel like a bad mother, on the other I wish everyone would butt out
40 replies
Endo · 09/06/2011 14:51
OP posts:
strandedbear ·
09/06/2011 15:12
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HushedTones ·
09/06/2011 15:31
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