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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Poor Kids

559 replies

NearlySpring · 07/06/2011 23:08

Documentary on BBC1 now.

Sat here in tears watching this show following children living in poverty.

One woman, with 3 young girls all under 8. Her partner left her alone and she is struggling with money. The girls were given a sausage roll each for dinner. They are let out to play on a building site and derelict houses- where the he'll is the mother? Mother comes on saying how she can't cope financially- kids saying they have to miss meals as mummy can't always afford food. Next scene, mother has acrylic nails and a massive dog!

AIBU to ask if she can't afford to feed her kids basic cheap meals how the he'll does she feed a massive dog that is bigger than her 3 kids put together!

It must be terrible to be in that situation but surely you get your priorities straight. Who has a pet if they have no money?!!

OP posts:
venusandmars · 08/06/2011 11:44

I worked for a while with a group of people who were trying to think of ways to tackle the whole problem of the cycle of poverty and poor expectation. There were several creative answers, but each of them meant that one group in society would consume all the available resources, to the disbenefit of others.

For example. There was one proposal which would target all resources on every new born child (starting with the pregnant mother). So a huge focus of multi-disciplinary input to assess the needs of every potential new born (irrespective of family income) and to target resources to meet whatever financial, educational, physical, health, emotional, mental health requirements were identified. This would mean that a child being born into a family with good skills and good support networks would require very little additional resource, while a child being born into a family where there there were few parenting skills, or where the mother had PND would receive the help they needed - even in families where parents were working or well educated (because after all the problems of poor budgeting or poor parenting, or poor mental health are not just the domain of the poor). For familes like those shown on the programme last night, the input of resources to the wider family (focussed around the needs of the child, and the aim of giving that child more equal life chances) would be enormous, and would include budgeting support, mental health support, extensive support for employment, community development, life skills etc.

The conclusion was that an approach like the one above would take a full generation to break the back of the poverty / inequalities cycle. It would involve actively directing all resources towards properly and collectively supporting and helping those familes most in need. It would take the belief of society as a whole that the problem we are facing is so huge that we need to work together for a generation to break it.

Unfortunately it would also mean that less resources would be available for all other groups. So a family with existing children would not be able to get a similar level of support, or even the level of support they get at the moment. Or support available for new medical treatments, or for care of the elderly, or policing would be reduced. And that is where is all becomes difficult. We might believe on a philosophical basis that an approach like this is best for society as a whole, but when it is MY child who is denied respite care, or MY parents who don't receive care, then I become less philosophical and more demanding of equality for my particular cause.

So we try to keep every group just a little bit happy, and the result is the current mess (and continuing mess-making) of unco-ordinated policies, money directed at single issues, and fragemented service provision. Those who can campaign for more resources, do. Those who have the wherewithal to budget well and parent well, create better opportunites for their children. While every day new babies are born into lives that are destined to reduce their chances and opportunites.

I don't want that to keep on happening, but am I really willing to reduce my short term expectations and demands, to take the risk that the poverty and inequality cycle can be broken in the long term? I don't know, but I'd rather do that than pay more tax into the current broken, ineffective systems.

GypsyMoth · 08/06/2011 11:45

last year the government gave free laptops and free internet access to families with children on benefits!!!!

zukiecat · 08/06/2011 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CinnabarRed · 08/06/2011 11:50

Thanks boysrock - will check out your link now. Smile

feckwit · 08/06/2011 11:54

IloveTiffany - families on benefits need schemes like this. Internet access is very importnt these days. My daughter at High school has her homework set through a virtual learning resource. Those without internet end up having to do their homework in their lunch hour, they can't do it after school as their bus pass is only valid for the one bus which leaves at 4pm.

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/06/2011 11:56

As a child I grew up with a disabled dad who was unable to work and it took many years for him to get his DLA. My mum got a part time job working 1.5 hours a day in a school during lunchtime. We would trail round all the local jumble sales to find clothes and shoes. My mum ALWAYS made sure myself, brother and sister had shoes and clothes.
BUT I remember she had one pair of shoes and trousers. She put cardboard in the shoes when they wore out inside and bought stick on soles from woolworths which my dad stuck on for her. Her trousers well at one point she took the pockets off sewed the seams and used the pockets to patch her trousers.
People she worked with gave her clothes for herself.

I am not a parent to 2 sons and my DP cannot ofor the life of him understand why when we go and do a food shop I watch everything he puts in the trolley. Why I walk away with tears in my eyes when the shopping bill for a month comes in at £120. Why even though we don't need to I have had key meters put in for the electric and gas. Why I will shop on ebay, charity shops and jumble sales for clothes. Nor can he understand how I can make a meal out of nothing.

We are from 2 very different walks of life he grew up with money I grew up with poverty - not to the extent of the children on the documentry. I also then became a single parent to DS1 when he was 22m old. I struggled, went without myself to cater for him. But I came through it. However I still live by the rule that even though the money is there it doesn't have to be spent.

As for housework - well I am crap at it. DP is brilliant at it. As a child we all chipped in and did things to help my mum. I say all except me, I would help her decorate, fix things, repair washing machines, change plugs etc. I never was going to be a domestic goddess but I can do DIY bloody brilliantly. DP was shocked when I moved and laid all my own carpets whereas he wanted to pay someone to do it.

The one thing I always knew as a child and these children do as well is that
We were loved.

BulletWithAName · 08/06/2011 11:56

She couldn't even begrudge you her old TV Zukiecat? Your own mother? Sad

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/06/2011 11:57

now not not

Roo55 · 08/06/2011 11:58

Thanks. My son's school does sell uniform but I don't think it's going to the people who need it most. I think it would be better if it was collected and sent to schools for children on free meals to get for free. I think I may look into if it would be possible to do this .. some kind of national scheme. Maybe sponsored by M&S .. they could have bins in store like Clarks do for shoes? Then administered by M&S and a childrens charity. Something must be possible. If we can sort free meals then it should be possible for free uniform, available to those who need it and easily available to go alongside that. It would make a little difference to the children and families in this film. Going to look into this and talk to people at M&S as I work there and see if they would help.

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 08/06/2011 12:01

last year the government gave free laptops and free internet access to families with children on benefits!!!!

they did - and I wrote to my MP to protest that some families got multiple laptops even when there was already computer/internet access in that house

wonder how many ended up on ebay!

Thingumy · 08/06/2011 12:03

I think the Glasgow flat's are utterly disgusting.

Don't these housing depts care about peoples health?

Fucking immoral that they charge rent on such rancid flats such as those.

ComeWhineWithMe · 08/06/2011 12:05

There is a facebook page where Sam's dad has posted, a lot of people want to help it seems and he has posted this.

"thanx can I direct all offers of help to: [email protected] as they are handling this for the families"

The facebook page is called Poor Kids.

zukiecat · 08/06/2011 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MynameisTerces · 08/06/2011 12:14

Can we have a link for the facebook page please i can't seem to find it.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 08/06/2011 12:15

My local council do a furniture scheme. If you live in a house which is cheaper than the band of HB you receive you can get a furniture package up to the difference.If anyones struggling with white good on here it might be worth seeing if its available. Things like this do help the kids providing they have someone who can knock up a meal and do the washing.

I do agree with the laptop scheme. It enables some pepople to budget properly by paying bills on line, buget with online shopping and helps the kids with school. Maybe they shouldnt have gave out £400 laptops and a years worth of internet with it though.

MynameisTerces · 08/06/2011 12:22

Thanks

MooMooFarm · 08/06/2011 12:22

boysrock I don't understand the relevance of your question. I have never had to sell anything to fill my freezer as I am not living in poverty.

soverylucky · 08/06/2011 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBethel · 08/06/2011 12:25

If someone a bit thrifty had been managing that laptop scheme, the £300m funding could have helped at least twice as mnay families as it did.

Unfortunately, the government get about as much value out of their money as some of these poor kids parents' do.

Thriftiness can make lives better.

wordfactory · 08/06/2011 12:25

I was brought up as poor as the children in the film...can't believe I've actually admitted that, but it's true.

I think what people don't understand is how pverty has a cumulative effect. It's not about selling a telly or whatever and everything suddenly being manageable...

i
If you listen to the children there's such a tone of hopelessness. The teen speaking of suicide attempts and the child with excezema talking about scratching it until it bled to release stress and pain (ie self harm) and Sam...he only forsaw a bleak future.

boysrock · 08/06/2011 12:27

It may not have been worded right.

If you sell something of high value to fill your freezer then that works for a few weeks. But then the freezer is empty again, you still have the same fixed income coming in. However this time you have no food and no plasma and no money. So going by your post offering to sell the plasma tv to fill the freezer, what do you sell next to fill the freezer?

It is a theoretical question based on the advice you are giving people who have no money, and attempting to illustrate that selling possessions is not a long term solution.

snailoon · 08/06/2011 12:28

ZUKIECAT Go to charity shops!!!!!! TV's for 10 pounds in our local shop

wordfactory · 08/06/2011 12:30

mrsbethel I think most poor folk a pretty thrifty..but that will only help you subsist...no amount of thrift will pay for a broken cooker or a pair of football boots or house move. And when this stuff comes along, as it naturally will, there just is no money to pay for it. So what do you do?

You borrow?

Then you have to repay the debt and that eeks into your available cash each week...and you just become ever more poor.

MooMooFarm · 08/06/2011 12:41

Ok sorry I see your point now. I see that selling possessions is not a long term solution - but I was thinking more of not buying the tv in the first place.

To me the fact that the family own something like that but can't afford to eat properly indicates that they haven't prioritised what they should be spending their money on. I know I'm hugely over-simplifying, but to a certain extent isn't the same principle as me not going out and buying a new sports car because it would mean I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage? Am not being trite on purpose, am just trying to explain.