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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Poor Kids

559 replies

NearlySpring · 07/06/2011 23:08

Documentary on BBC1 now.

Sat here in tears watching this show following children living in poverty.

One woman, with 3 young girls all under 8. Her partner left her alone and she is struggling with money. The girls were given a sausage roll each for dinner. They are let out to play on a building site and derelict houses- where the he'll is the mother? Mother comes on saying how she can't cope financially- kids saying they have to miss meals as mummy can't always afford food. Next scene, mother has acrylic nails and a massive dog!

AIBU to ask if she can't afford to feed her kids basic cheap meals how the he'll does she feed a massive dog that is bigger than her 3 kids put together!

It must be terrible to be in that situation but surely you get your priorities straight. Who has a pet if they have no money?!!

OP posts:
uselesscamhs · 08/06/2011 12:58

wordfactory seems like a fundamental design flaw? that no amount of re-decorating, furnishings, plants etc would solve. I just feel for the hundreds of other men, women and children still living in those dreadful blocks.

Thingumy · 08/06/2011 12:59

I wouldn't want to be without a washing machine if I had 3 kids and nowhere to dry the clothes or hardly any heating to dry.

social fund here

wordfactory · 08/06/2011 13:02

useless ...definitely a design flaw. I cannot believe how it has taken so long to pull those blocks down.

zukiecat · 08/06/2011 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thingumy · 08/06/2011 13:04

I think offers of help are kind but surely a service like Homestart would be really beneficial,to help cook or clean or just give the parents a ear to listen to.

I noticed that sam's garden was huge,they could grew their own veg there and help the pennies that way.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 08/06/2011 13:05

You can apply for a community care grant to cover removal costs and furniture. I would imagine after being on this programme they will get one due to the publicity. Social funds for budgeting loans which are interest free. A community care grant does not have to be paid back.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Caringforsomeone/DG_10018921

lesley33 · 08/06/2011 13:08

Some charities are trying to do stuff. I am involved with a small charity that does a range of things including running a small house in a very poor area that aims to help people save money. It has things like a sewing machine and teaches people how to use it, repair clothes and make things that are expensive to buy like curtains.

But nobody will give us a grant to do this bit of work. So we have to fundraise - with the help of some great volunteers and be very thrifty ourselves.

lesley33 · 08/06/2011 13:08

But people are seem much more willing to give money to animal charities for example, than charities like ours.

uselesscamhs · 08/06/2011 13:12

Older women [who get so little respect on MN and in general] who brought up their families and kept house through war-time rationing and post war austerity are EXPERTS on thrifty living!

They are a recognised font of knowledge and expertise. Why not let them share this and be given their due respect.

StrawberryMewMew · 08/06/2011 13:13

Wordfactory, they're not pulling my blocks down. They're leaving mines and another one up because there was people protesting to keep them up!!

Basically that means we're kind of stuck. :( They're horrid and I live next door to a drug dealer and a guy who chased me and his nephew into my house with a hatchet when we were 10!!

jammydoger · 08/06/2011 13:17

I really cannot believe that this happens in the Uk!

Surely what we should be asking ourselves as a society is why the UK has the almost lowest social mobility in the whole of the EU?

And why do families like those in this program go to companies for 'pay day loans' which charge 300% interest or more on a small loan thus putting these individuals into even more debt?

I think there are wider issues here and it's not as simple as saying these families need help, more money and jobs etc. We need to break this cycle of poverty and I think the schools could also be doing more. Poor Sam...Sad

GypsyMoth · 08/06/2011 13:17

uselesscamhs......a lot of those women are grandparents now,with family to pass hints and tips and thriftiness on to!

i wonder wether the families featured had those types of extended family members? i learnt a lot from my own nan

ComeWhineWithMe · 08/06/2011 13:21

But when your so skint would you buy seeds and compost to grow food to eat in a few weeks or buy food to eat that week?

It's just a vicious cycle, Buy a cooker but don't eat that week or rent a cooker and eat but pay around 600.00 for what should be a 180.00 cooker and then by the time it is paid off it will probably be ready for replacing so you rent off them again.

I live on a very poor estate and provident and shopacheck knock on my door every year without fail at the end of October and during the six week holidays offering shopping vouchers they always have the same speil, xmas presents for kids or you can use these to buy back to school stuff.
I turn them away but how tempting it must be when someone is waving a 100.00 under your nose saying that you can have it there and then and the man at the door is promising you more and in cash next time? You think a fiver a week is nothing but then the week after it's a fiver to the provvy man or a fiver in your dc bellies and you just go into a horrible depressed spiral hiding from the knocks on the door or making the kids sit upstairs and be quiet until the man has gone.

Same with companies like Brighthouse they may as well sting you on the way in to their store.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 08/06/2011 13:23

Tiffany - this i the problem. Some people brought up in poverty go on to live like their parents. I know how to cook, my mam showed me and we would bake on a Sunday. I am only 34. I will show my daughters the same. What worries me is her DD is not being shown basic life skills. I dont think they do home ec at school anymore. Who is going to show her how to run a house.

ruddynorah · 08/06/2011 13:24

I live very near Bradford. I could take those little girls swimming, or to a decent park. But then what about all the others who didn't get picked for the tv show?

uselesscamhs · 08/06/2011 13:24

I didn't put it very well, Tiff I meant that older women can a resource for the whole community as well as their own families. And yes, I learnt much from my own grandmother but she would be 105 if she were alive now. So the experts are getting older and older.

Thingumy · 08/06/2011 13:27

Well obviously comewhine Hmm

But thinking of the future ie we can't afford vegetables so why don't we buy a few seeds in when we can and in a few seasons we will have fresh veg.

It's seems daft not to grow some veg if you have a garden.

lesley33 · 08/06/2011 13:30

Thingumy - Lots of people who are really struggling won't take risks with money. If you have never grown veg before you have no idea how easy they are to grow or if you will just be throwing money away. Good skills and knowledge can make a big difference if you are poor.

Thingumy · 08/06/2011 13:33

I see your point Lesley

I think we just come from the 'anything that we can do cheaper,we'll have a crack at' but I know how tough it is when you are completely skint and full of negativity about the future.

It's so bloody depressing for millions Sad.

DillyDaydreaming · 08/06/2011 13:34

I didn't see the programme but what I am hearing sounds like it borders on neglect. This isn';t just for being poor but due to the life choices of the Mum who possibly had no parenting herself. Sounds like she needs a bucketload of support and not just financial. Certainly if the dog is eating and the children are not then Children's Social care would have something to say.

Neglect often happens because the Mum (and it's usually just the Mum coping because her partner has left) has had little parenting or support growing up. Not all who have poor and neglectful childhoods follow suit but if you are already cowed down then it sure does not help.

I am in a HA house because my son is autistic - nearly all my neighbours use Provident when they need anything big or BrightHouse.

When I see families in debt as a HV it's usually to catalogues - so they might have the latest shiny TV and the Wii/Playstation/XBox/whatever while on benefits BUT it's nearly always bought on credit and they don't always keep up with the repayments. Of course the Daily Fail readers would not consider this if the paper did a "feature" on one of my families (God forbid) - they'd see benefits + big TV + Wii etc etc. I feel a lot of affection for some of the large poor families on my caseload, they are usually dealing with much more than just financial poverty and I believe I'd raise merry hell if the Daily Fail stitched any of them up as they have done to other families at times elsewhere. Poverty is not funny, it's not about being judgey but about trying to improve life circumstances for families - something the Children's Centres do well where I am. Shame so many are being closed eh?

Shopacheck (who I think are another arm of Provident), Provident etc knock on my door, in my HA street regularly to see if I am interested in any of their services (I'm not) but it's easy to see how families are dragged into this kind of financial nightmare.

coccyx · 08/06/2011 13:34

you can be poor but not live in a shithole.
Lesley33 I give to animal charities , my choice, my money

zukiecat · 08/06/2011 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

boysrock · 08/06/2011 13:39

Conversely you can also be well off and live in a shit hole. Seen a few of those in my time too. Funny how no -one ever seems to judge that.

ComeWhineWithMe · 08/06/2011 13:39

Not sure why the Hmm I wasn't being sarcastic.

But when you are in this situation you don't think of the future you think of what you are going to eat that day.
Plus doing the garden needs tools which you have to buy if you don't already have them and if you are going to mow then you need to use electric which needs to last until the next time your money goes in I doubt you are going to use it on doing up the garden.

Our local park is offering a 100 free allotment plots and only 30 people have taken up the offer so far.

lesley33 · 08/06/2011 13:40

Of course it is your choice coccyx. I guess I'm just saying its easy to be up in arms about this now, when most of the time, most people couldn't care less about people struggling in the UK.